The Dark Blue

Ch 50. A Lot To Work On

Sry for slow updates... what is up with me nowadays...

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I didn't know if I could do it. I kept tugging lightly on his hoodie that was hiding half of his face. Could I just rip it off like that without his permission? He was hiding it for a reason. But I didn't even know why I did all of that. Nothing explained my actions. I just did it. My feet hurt. They were sore from the heels, not to mention that I was standing on my toes to reach up to his face. I was so close to him. And I wanted to do it. I didn't know why or my purpose. I just felt extremely nervous.

I had made my mind. I had come so far, why stop in the middle? I dragged his hood down, seeing a small glimpse of his nose before he grabbed my wrist, stopping me immediately. I got to see his nose for one second. Before he blocked me.

"What is it, Red?" I murmured. I didn't back out. I stayed as close as I had been earlier, trying to resume what was going on. And he was like a statue. Still. Not moving.

"You can't." he said in a husky voice. It felt like I couldn't recognize him anymore. His gentleness had vanished as he grabbed my shoulder with a hard grip. I looked away embarrassed. What was I doing? I was embarrassing myself. I was rejected.

"Why?" I muttered, a bit exhausted from the rejection. I didn't have any power to show eagerness at all. He let go of me, then bent over to my level, letting my toes rest. His lips had a very fain breath with his hood covering it completely, but I felt how warm it was when he leant into my ear.

"Because you will know everything." I glowered at him. I will know everything? What could it possibly be that I didn't know? What was he hiding to me? Except of his face. Was that all it was about? How he looked like? He'd know that I'd be the last person on earth that would care about appearance.

"Know what?" I pushed him away ferociously.

"Everything."

"I think I heard that. What does everything mean then?" I snorted, a bit annoyed.

He grabbed my hand, and I couldn't stop thinking about the warmth in his hands spreading to mine. "About me. All the things I don't want you to know about."

I groaned. "Why? Why can't I know? Red, you can trust m-" I whined, then stopped as soon as I heard what had gotten out of my mouth.

No. He couldn't. He couldn't trust me. He didn't trust anyone. "I don't trust anyone." kept echoing in my head with Red's deep voice. Like it was not his choice. As if he was born to be by himself.

"I don't trust an-" he murmured into my ear before I shut him up with my hand holding against his breath.

"I don't want to hear it again." I told him, looking down at the ground with disappointed eyes. He took my message. I let go of my hand, slowly sliding down - dropping as if it no longer had life in it. 

"I get it." I chuckled, trying to laugh away my sob coming right up. "You don't trust me."

"It's not like that, Audree..."

He was trying to comfort me, but I looked at his sympathetically hands reaching to stroke my head or whatever they were going to do - then hit it, looking away. Anywhere but him.

I didn't think that we'd bring up our last "fight". I thought that everything would be just fine. I was wrong. So wrong.

"You told me a lot before. At your apartment." I took a deep breath.  "About him. It's like you open up to me and close again. Giving me hope that I will be someone near you - Then shutting down when I seem to know too much." I couldn't keep going on like that anymore. "See you." I said, leaving him like that. I took small slow steps, getting closer and closer to my apartment.

"You know that I have my reasons. It's for your own good. You can never know." he shouted, so that I would hear him clearly. It only ticked me off.

I wasn't mad because he didn't want to tell me what was in his past. It was like... I had shown him everything. I told him what was going on in my life. But what did I know about him really? I wanted to be close to him. But he kept building higher bricks to protect himself. Testing my limits.

I opened the door to my apartment, looking back one more time with tears filling my eyes. Because I had realized something. I liked Red. Enough to cry over him. I didn't know when or how much though. But I liked him. 

The first question popping into my head was - Did I love him? I couldn't answer that. My mind kept dodging that question. But I was bothered. I didn't understand why he stopped me. And for what reason. If it was because he didn't want to kiss me, or that he didn't want to show he how he looked like.

"Well, you look like a disaster." Amber commented when I entered. I looked away, deeply indulged into my own thoughts. "Audree." she hit my back hard. She didn't even notice how much power she had used as I flew into the wall. It did wake me up though.

"What?" I shrieked, as if I had just woken up from a dream, not taking a good comprehension of my surroundings.

"You look like a mess!!!" she shouted, as if I needed it to hear it. It felt weird to have been called a mess twice a day, once from Andrew, and again from Amber - which didn't feel good to me. I felt a bit bitter, but tried to cheer up as I knew that they told me for a good purpose, to help me.

"Uhm..." I mumbled. "Some stuff happened. Not in the mood to talk about it." I told her. I didn't want to tell her about Red really. I had never told anyone but Krystal, which she found out by herself actually. It felt like everyone would think that I was weird because I started liking Red a bit; the guy who had tortured me at our first meeting. Well. I wouldn't call it torturing really. But I was seeing something good in him. Because it felt like I was the one who saved him from that hole. I felt like I had helped him. And that I wanted to keep helping him.

"You're not answering meeeee." Amber dragged out her words as she slapped her hands on my face, rubbing her hands against my cheeks with huge force. Again, I was too into my thoughts, forgetting all about what was going on around me.

"What, Amber?" I groaned, lying down on my bed. She gave me that bitchy scowl that I admired every time because of her cockiness.

"You want me to teach you kick-boxing?" I looked up at her with big eyes.

"Sure..." I said all skeptical. She gave me a proud nod, strolling out to her big boxing bag.

"Show me a kick." she challenged me. I hesitated, looking at the bag. It looked so heavy and impossible to break. I took a step further then ran towards it, giving it my all. My foot hit the boxing bag and all I felt was pain spreading over my body, with the hit that seemed to be like a mirror coming back at me. Or like I had hit myself on purpose, because the boxing bag sure didn't move an inch. Amber was laughing her ass off when I fell down on the wooden floor with a groan. It hurt. Like hell.

   "What the hell was that?!" she yelled, still laughing.

"A kick..." I grunted, holding my foot that was drowned in pain. She held out her hand, and helped me up. I could barely walk and it seemed like I was weaker than I thought. I didn't know that just kicking was hard.

"We have a lot to work on..." Amber chuckled, rolling up her sleeve.

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wooooooo kickbox <3