The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 41

He's still gripping my t-shirt, but his eyes are focused on her. Her eyes are open wide and she looks shocked at the way he's speaking to her. She should be use to that by now, his tone isn't anything new. He's never had any respect for her, but then again who does have respect for her. She doesn't respect herself, she never has, so no bloke will ever respect her either. I don't have any respect for her, not anymore.

"Louis, please calm down" she says gingerly "Don't do this here."

"Where do you want to do it then?" he questions "Is there really an appropriate place to discuss you two fucking each other behind my back?"

Her cheeks flush pink, her eyes move to the ground. His words forcing her to feel some embarrassment and shame, which I didn't think she was capable of feeling. Perhaps, she does have a conscience after all, at least one of us has.

"Let's talk about it at home" she offers.

She's wasting her breath, we aren't talking about this anywhere other than here and she knows it. He'll happily make a scene in front of everyone, like he's done many times before in the past.

"No, you don't have a home. You don't live with me anymore! You can fuck off back to your mum and dads. Explain to them what a fucking hussy you are!"

I stay against the wall, his hands still on me and I watch almost amused as they argue. I'd laugh out loud if all my happiness hadn't been drained away from me. I could even add my thoughts in, possibly cause more trouble, but there's no point. These two are already way beyond repair and they have been for as long as I can remember.

"You can't kick me out I'm pregnant!" she protests "That house is half mine too, I own half of it!"

The longer their fight drags out the more I inwardly cringe, hearing them. I shouldn't be involved in their stupid domestic, I've got enough shit of my own to worry about. How did I manage to get dragged into this? I don't care what Louis says these two where fucked up long before I came along and dabbled with her, so they can't blame me for destroying them. He wasn't happy with her, he hadn't been happy for ages and that's why they broke up last time. Why did they even get back together? What were they thinking?

I remember when I use to envy them, envy their relationship. I wanted to have a relationship just like theirs back then because on the surface it seemed so perfect. I always wanted me and Sienna to have what they had. I use to compare everything we had to them and find faults in our relationship. How stupid was I? I can see now that we had way more passion, more love in our relationship, then these two ever did. We were happier and more in love than these two ever have been or ever could be. I can finally see it, I can finally see how perfectly matched me and Sienna are. I just wish I'd realised it sooner, rather than later.

"When I divorce you I'll be leaving you with fuck all, so get use to it!"

"Listen" I start to speak.

Louis' head snaps back round, focusing on me again. His eyes are raging, carving his hate into me slice by slice. I regret speaking immediately, knowing I should keep my mouth shut.

"Don't try and fucking preach your shit to me, you twat!" he curses.

His direct words startle me slightly, seeing his rage isn't going to diminish any time soon. He's getting angrier if anything, which tells me this is leading to trouble.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen" I protest.

It's true, I really didn't want this to happen. I didn't think for a single second when I fucked Eleanor that it would lead to this now. I thought it'd be a quick shag and that'd be it. I thought everything would just carry on as normal and we'd carry on like nothing ever even happened between us. I didn't think she'd get so invested, I didn't think she'd get pregnant and be having my baby. If I'd known any of this would've happened, I'd never have let it happen in the first place. I'd never have got pissed that night, I wouldn't have let her influence me to be weak. I'd never have touched a single vodka and I'd have stuck with Sienna, I'd have left the restaurant when she did. Fuck! I wish I knew all of this back then, I wouldn't be here now and neither would they. Well, I'd still be at the hospital, but I'd be with my family. I'd be in that waiting room with them, and we'd be helping each other get through this. I wouldn't feel completely alone, watching these two fall further apart.

"You never mean for anything to happen! You never mean to do any of the bad shit that you do, yet you keep doing it. You still keep doing this endless horrible shit! You keep hurting everyone, you never learn your lesson. You're poison Harry, fucking poison!" Louis lays into me.

I should be affected by his words, hurt perhaps, but I'm not. How can words hurt when you're numb inside? There's a part of me that wants him to kick the shit out of me, so then I might be able to feel something. It'd help distract me from the emptiness I feel inside.

"You ruin everything around you, everyone that comes into contact with you. First Daisy, then Freddy and now Sienna."

His words hit me right in the gut and he arises feelings of anger inside me. The rage starts to build in my stomach as I think about the people I've cared about and lost. Firstly, Daisy, poor fucking Daisy. I know she wasn't innocent, but her ending was down to being involved with me. If I hadn't let her keep putting needles into my arms, if I hadn't relied so heavily on her and the drugs, then she might still be here today. I know she was feeding her own addiction, but by feeding mine too, it made hers worse. I destroyed her, took everything she had to offer and then she died. She died beside me and I still have nightmares, where I see her deadly white face. I can still see her lifeless body when I close my eyes. That image of her will never go away and that's how I remember her now. I don't see her as the beautiful funny woman she was, I see her with nothing behind her eyes.
Then there's Freddy. My angel. My everything. I loved him, I loved him with every ounce of me. I didn't even know I had that much love left in me to give. He was my world and I never told him that. I didn't hold him enough, I didn't tell him I loved him every day that he was here. I didn't carve memories in my head about the size of his hands, the colour of his lips or the way his skin smelt. I didn't cherish every second I had with him, I took him for granted. I took having him in my life for granted and then he was taken away from me. He left me and I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to him. I was too selfish, too fucked up to be there in his last hours. I pushed him away, like I always push everyone I know away. I did love him, not like Sienna did though and I'll regret that for the rest of my life. I'll regret not being a better father until I take my own last breaths.
Lastly, there's Sienna, my sweet darling Sienna. She's all I have left, I've got nothing without her. She's still the blood running through my damaged veins, she's the hope that still burns inside me. I can easily admit to myself that she's the only thing keeping me together, but I never told her that. The only thing that's getting me through is thinking about the memories we created together in the years we've been together. She's the only reason I'm still living now because without her I'm nothing. I mean nobody else even knows me, not like she does. She knows every dark edge of my heart and she still loves me. She still loves me through all my flaw and every shit thing I've ever done to her. I see it, I see the love she has for me, when she looks into my eyes. She'll always love me and I her. It doesn't matter how much I've taken from her, no amount of pain I've caused will ever make her not love me. I thinks it's impossible for her to stop loving me and I've always known that. I've always taken advantage of that, I took advantage of her love over and over again. I didn't care that I was hurting her because I did it all the time and it still didn't stop me. Every time I cheated or betrayed her I never gave her a second thought, not until it was too late because I'm selfish. I've been a dick time and time again, but this time I swear I'll make it right. If she can get through this, then I swear I'll never hurt her again. I'll love her this time how I always should've done, I'll appreciate every moment like I should've done before. I'll make sure she knows I love her, every single day. I just need one more chance, one more last chance.