The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 40

She keeps looking around the hall, only looking back at me briefly. She's waiting for me to speak, but I don't say a word. I just stare back at her, staying on the floor as my hate for her grows with every passing second. I never realised how selfish and self centred she was until today. My son has just died and there's not a mention of him. Her one-time best friend is undergoing life saving surgery, but she hasn't asked about her. Sienna hasn't even crossed her mind, which shocks me. I don't care what's going on in your own life if your best friend was on the verge of death they'd be the first person you asked about. Even though Louis and I aren't as close anymore he'd still be my first thought if the roles where reversed.

I realise though that she doesn't care about Sienna, not anymore. She doesn't care if Sienna lives or dies. In reality though, what did I expect? How could she ever have really cared about Sienna? You can't care about someone whilst you're fucking the person they love, can you?

I've no idea why I've done everything I've done, but that's what I do. I fuck things up and then regret them afterwards, all when it's too late. I don't know why I ever slept with Eleanor behind Sienna's back. I mean she was there when I was weak, she was there when everything else was falling apart. I know Eleanor isn't the only one to blame, I'm to blame too, but it's always easier to blame someone else other than yourself.
This all started months ago, before Freddy was even born. It started one night when I started to drink, after I left the band. Sienna was furious with me for drinking, but I didn't care. The only thing I cared about that night was the taste of alcohol and that's what's led me here now. That's why I ended up on this path of destruction yet again.

Flashback

I watch helplessly as Sienna gets up from the table and she storms away. She doesn't turn back to look at us or to check if I'm following her. She knows I'm not and I never would follow her. I'm left at the table, waiting for the food we ordered to arrive with just Eleanor remaining at my side.
I know Sienna isn't coming back, she's too stubborn to come back, especially in this situation. I know deep down that it's me in the wrong and all Sienna was doing was trying to stop me from being stupid. She was trying to stop me from making yet another stupid decision, but I never listen. I only ever listen to myself and the only thing I want right now is a drink. I just want one night where I drink and then tomorrow I'll stop. I'll stop drinking tomorrow and it'll be like today never even happened.
Eleanor fills a wine glass with the remaining white wine from the bottle of wine she ordered. She slowly slides the glass over to me so the fruity liquid bubbles before me, tempting me to taste it. I'm hesitant to drink it at first because I know if I drink this glass of wine I won't stop until I can't walk or speak. I'll have one drink after another, until I'm on the verge of passing out. I'm still an addict, no matter how much time goes by that'll never change. I'm still battling my addiction and tonight I know I'm going to lose; I will lose the fight tonight. I'm going to give in and break my vow that I made, declaring I'd never get drunk again. There's a part of me that's still strong and wants to say no to drinking. There's a part of me that wants to get up from this table and go after Sienna, so we can make everything okay. That part of me isn't strong enough though because I don't move. I stay at the table, hands slowly wrapping around the glass and all I can think about is ordering my next drink.

"Drink up" Eleanor encourages me.

I nod as I pick up the glass, lifting it to my mouth and within seconds the fruity drink has washed down my throat and the glass is left empty. My lips are wet from the lingering taste of white wine and I lick my lips enjoying the taste it's left behind. The taste, the feeling only surges me on and pushes me to order my next drink. I don't even just want another drink; I need it now.
A waiter comes over with our food, placing it on the table in front of us and leaving Sienna's plate in the seat where she should be sat. The food smells good, but it isn't what I want now. It isn't as appealing to me as a glass of vodka is.

"Fuck the food!" I say turning to face Eleanor "Do you just wanna get pissed?" I ask her.

She nods happily, looking like she needs a good drink too and she was just looking for an excuse to get really drunk. I don't need any excuse, I just want it. I pull my wallet out of my pocket, pulling out several twenty pound notes and I leave the money on the table to pay our bill. We leave the food untouched and we get up leaving the restaurant and heading to the hotel bar instead.