The Binding String

N I N T Y - T W O

They sent Bala and Vandita back to take some rest and decided to stay for the rest of the day. Bala had said that Amma was not looking good for the last few days and she had severe chest pain three days ago. He didn't disclosed much details but his body posture appeared like he is hiding something.

"Raman. You had words with doctor?"

"Everything is fine Ishita. She is going to get discharge in two days."

"I don't expect anything from akka but even jeeju stopped considering me as a family. Main itni buri hoon kya?"

"No baby, absolutely not. He knows how we were occupied with Romi nothing else." Raman gently cupped his wife face and made her sit on visitor chair. He somehow pacified Ishita but he is aware with the reason behind Amma sudden heart stroke.

“My decision was wrong Raman. Amma was troubled from the day she came back from Ishita councilling session. She took everything on her heart Raman. I tried to talk with her many times but everytime she said how she is regretting over her deeds.“

“You should have told me previously Bala.”

“I wanted to Raman but at that time I came to know about Romi and I didn't feel like to disturb you.”

“Bala I think we should make Amma and Ishita talk, it might lessen their pain.”

“Maybe. ”

Raman rubbed his forehead and sat beside his wife, Ishita doesn't know that Madhavi was present during both of her sessions, they kept theit past hidden for years but when it came out, it turned painful for them. The emotional baggaes are often hard to get rid off.

"Raman you had words at home? How's roohi and everyone?"

"She is fine, Maa and Sarika is taking her care. You should worry about Amma."

"I want to stay here tonight."

Raman nodded his head and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, the couple remained seated in the waiting area.

****************************

Ishita felt her neck strained, she probably dozed off in sitting posture. She craned her neck and checked her mobile, it was half past two of the morning. The hospital has became a sweet sour place for her, she started disliking hospitals after her nervous breakdown and delievery but the same place healed her when they admitted Roohi for her treatment, her unattended wounds treated with loved and care. She still hates this place but it doesn't make her uneasy now, she lit the bedside lamp to check her mother and almost gasped finding her awake. Madhavi was under effects of sedatives from last few hours, she came into conscious for half an hour only. The medication is strong for her to bear, Ishita clutched her mother hand and caressed her wrinkled skin. Thankfully her oxygen mask is removed and her vitals are normal but doctors wanted to keep her under observation for few more days.

"You need something?"

"Water." Madhavi whispered looking at her daughter with longing eyes. Ishita nodded her head and made her sip water bit by bit. She adjusted her bed again and keep looking at her, her eyes were filled with tears and she was hiccuping like a small child.

"When you came?" Madhavi whispered softly.

"Few hours back. Akka and jiju were tired so we sent them back to rest." Ishita informed her mother looking into her eyes. "How are you feeling now?"

"Better." Madhavi reassured her daughter, Ishita wiped off her nose and cheeks and looked back at her mother. "Nobody told me about you, am I not your daughter? I know you don't like me but...."

"But you love me more than anything." Madhavi completed her words and her hold tightened around her hand.

"How this happened? You should take care of yourself more. I know you must have missed your regular check-ups. Do you start eating oily food but you don't like it na? But why I am saying you all this? It's all my fault, Akka is busy with her office it's my responsibility to take care of your health. I am such a bad daughter."

"No you ain't." Madhavi squeezed her hand gently and her eyes welled up with tears, "I was living with a weight on my chest and it was making everyday unbearable for me Ishu."

"I didn't get it ..." Ishita's lower lip trembled wondering if someone from their maternal or paternal family troubled her mother again.

"The weigh of being a failed mother to you my daughter. I am sorry for failing you."

"Amma...."

"If Bala didn't took me to those counciling sessions than I would never be able to realise my wrongdoings. I bought you in this world because I wanted to, it was my own wish to bring you in this world kanna but what I have done later is unacceptable. You done every possible thing to keep me happy and in the return I failed you, I failed you as a daughter."

"You.....you was there?" Ishita clamped her mouth recalling her words and her session. What if any of her word or action hurted her mother?

"I...I didn't mean to hurt you Amma."

"You didn't my doll, but I hurted you alot. At every point of my life, I knew from long back that Vishwanathan and his family is toxic and I am stuck with wrong people's stop but to only prove my point to my parents I keep doing all the things which could save my marriage. I killed my four children Ishu, I killed them just for his sake." Madhavi bursted into crying making Ishita heart break into pieces. She hugged her mother unable to see her in tears and keep rubbing her back.

"Amma please...we can talk about it later. Don't exert yourself."

"Let me speak Ishu, this all should have done years back. Ishu you was never at fault, you actions were the reactions from others. Whatever you done and doing is nothing but an act to save and protect your Amma, you always been a good daughter it's me who failed as a mother.

I wanted to keep vandu away from the mess because I knew she love her father alot and her father adores her too and maybe that one thing would keep my marriage alive but I never thought about you. In order to save my marriage, I created fractions between sisters and never cared to clear that even. Vandita started to believe that you're the reason why she is staying away from her father and selfish me never cared to clear her misconceptions. I kept her away because I wanted to give my full attention to you, I thought keeping her away would make Vishwanathan grow closer to you but that man, he never changed. That night when he tried to molest you, I realised I was living with a monster. If you didn't show up courage then none of us would be alive.

I am sorry for all the sufferings Ishu, I know my one apology will not heal your trauma but forgive me kanna. Forgive me for the reason of every heartbreak you faced, forgive me for every rejection you bore. Mothers are not like me, mothers don't leave their children to suffer. I am so proud of you for not walking on the same path, you are the best mother Roohi can ever get. I am so proud of you baby."

Ishita never cried infront of her mother, she always posed herself as a strong individual but today she wanted to be the old Ishita who wanted to share all her worries to her mother without inhabitation just like Roohi does, they had layers of hesitation between them which none of them cared to remove. Ishita don't know how long will they take to come in normal terms or probably it may happen never but today she wanted to shoe her tears to her mother. Ishita hid her face in her mother bosoms and kept crying.

"I'm sorry for being a bad mother to you Ishu."

"Amma...."

"I know you would probably not forgive me ever and neither I want you to do the same. But keep in your mind, your Amma is so ashamed on herself."

"Amma did I ever made you proud?" Ishita asked few minutes later, her hiccups settled down little bit.

"Everytime." Madhavi replied and kissed her forehead, Ishita hugged her mother again and rested her face on her shoulder.