How to Survive South Park

Sibling Wars Part 2 - Screw You, Cthulhu

"...You realize that Future Cartman is gonna destroy my world if I side with you, right?"

"I'll relocate your timeline and keep it hidden from both him and the Dark Angel as long as you prove your worth to me. It isn't hard and I won't demand much; you're free to continue ensuring your Karen's happiness here all you like.

Consider that as a thank you for both severely half-assing your search for me after my breakout from the patrol's prison, unlike your fellow Exalted, and doing such a good job making Karen McCormick happy here."

(A/N: Chp 126 "Plans, Preparations, and Pac-Man")

"So I'm basically trading one manipulative asshole of a boss for another. Great. If you did your research, then you already know that I'll sell my soul for Karen. Hell, I literally did to Cthulhu in order to win the war! Congratulations, you have a new pawn."

"Good to know that at least some of you Exalted can be reasonable. Now here's what I need you to do..."

Karen's POV:

"I'll be giving you two a little context this time." Dovah tells Tricia and I after we all step out of the time portal onto the roof of some city building. "It's nothing you wouldn't eventually figure out yourself and besides, intel gathering isn't the main goal here, it's using said intel to your advantage."

Using our show's content is how my brother got so far to begin with. Tricia and I need to do the same thing if we ever want to become better than him some day. No... we need to become better at it then he is.

That's... maybe kinda probably impossible. But we can at least try!

"So is this based on a canon episode like the ghost plant problem or what?" Tricia asks.

"Not exactly. This time, it's more like a butterfly effect from an episode alteration. Remember the season 3 episode, Chinpokomon?"

Oh, crap. I think I know where this is going.

"Well in this timeline, Japan's plan actually worked since unlike in canon, they stopped the South Park adults from talking their kids out of attacking Pearl Harbor. As for what specifically caused Japan to suddenly become more competent, I'll let you two figure that out if you want. It isn't crucial to your mission here so consider solving that mystery to be worth bonus points.

Anyway, practically every kid in America was eventually brainwashed and Japan managed to conquer the U.S. during the start of this world's World War 3. The war only got bloodier from there and Japan ended up conquering the entire planet after a decade or so of fighting.

There are still a few groups out there resisting Japanese rule such as GSM, the Crab People, and the Catholic Church, but they've taken a beating over the years and are merely shells of what they once were. Frankly, they probably would've been wiped off the map if it wasn't for their very existence making such an authoritarian regime seem necessary thanks to propaganda.

Your mission is simple; use your knowledge of whatever South Park episodes you can think of to fuck this global dictatorship up. How you do this is completely up to you. You could target the Chinpokomon Company immediately to free the brainwashed Americans or perhaps unite several resisting factions together to push Japan back through sheer brute force.

You are also free to use your full power along with anything you currently have at your disposal. There's no time limit to this mission, but the faster you do this, the better.

That's basically it for the debriefing. Here's some yen to start out with; good luck!" Our brother waves and teleports away after giving us 10k yen for an initial investment. One U.S. dollar is equal to like a hundred fifty Yen by the way, so yeah, that's barely enough to feed us for like a week.