How to Survive South Park

A Very Angry Guardian Angel

Right now, I'm heading to my favorite Mexican place with an absolutely livid Mysterion. Turns out Karen befriended the vamp kids while he, Timmy, and I were busy preparing for and dealing with the events of Fractured but Whole, and just in time for Mike's birthday too.

(A/N: As for why the DLC is happening right now, while the release of the DLC itself is a few months after the regular game came out, Mysterion says to New Kid "...I know we've got other problems back in South Park, but I can't let those monsters hurt my sister." To me, that implies that this is either happening during or right after the main game with right after being much more likely due to lack of free time during the 4 days the game takes place in.)

The DLC bus is actually a thing here that got created right when Fractured but Whole started so no more secretly flying to Casa Bonita is necessary although the latter is much much faster.

As we're heading there, we get a telepathic message from a crippled Dick Dastardly.

(("Very flattering, Dovah. Anyway, I see you've already left. Remember Kenny, don't go too far with this. They're just celebrating Mike's birthday and want to befriend Karen for Freeman's sake.

Instead of rampaging through the restaurant like you're the fucking Tasmanian Devil, limit your rescue mission to what was done in canon or less extreme or I WILL post you know what."))

Kenny visibly pales at this and mutters his agreement to the telepathic cripple.

As for what "you know what" is, a few months ago, Kenny got the brilliant idea of using Imaginationland to make a Maid Cafe where the waitresses were all the girls in our class plus some of his exes like Kelly and Tammy. He basically lived at that place for like a week which was more than enough time for Timmy to catch on and get some incriminating footage of the guy.

He's been holding that over Kenny since then and the latter is not thrilled about it to put it lightly. I may have gone once or twice myself to check it out but since Timmy hasn't blackmailed me yet (at least with that anyway), I'm assuming he wasn't around for those little "vacations" as we call them.

At least Kenny is finally being forced to quit the Smile Dip. Either Timmy's blackmail or that one time Karen found a pack and tried it herself caused him to destroy every last gram of the snack (drug) that was shipped here through Imaginationland.

What did he think she would do when she saw the colorful candy snack bag?

"Sooo... was it worth it?" I can't help but ask.

"*Sigh* Well, it's as they say: in for a penny, in for a pound. I just had to make it worth it."

"You do realize Timmy could get more footage of you if he catches on, right?"

"I made sure to hide it better this time around. "You can't abuse this realm for stupid shit like that!" he says. You're one to fucking talk, Timmy! I know about the refined uranium you've been mass producing, sorry, 'imagining' for yourself. What the fuck do you even need a miniaturized nuclear reactor for? And also, what the hell happened to the "What happens in Imaginationland stays in Imaginationland." agreement we made when we first got access to the place?"

(("That agreement was voided the second you started smuggling drugs from other TV shows into the real world, you immortal addict."))

Kenny begins to ramble and plan how to catch Timmy in his other less than decent acts at that realm when we finally arrive.

"Ok, you go get Karen while I deal with those fucking vamp kids." Kenny commands as he straps on a Bane mask.

(("You are not committing murder and blaming it on Bane, Kenny. That may have worked in season 16's "Insecurity" but that won't work with me."))