How to Survive South Park

Rivals

Cartman's POV:

"I can't believe he got to you too. What happened to you?" After beating up some mafia assholes and Randy's drunk ass dad to a pulp, we got our lead back to my place.

Jimmy offered to keep her safe but I denied him and forced my mom to let her stay here. I'm not an idiot, Jimmy is clearly one of Dovah's spies. I doubt they just went their separate ways after the ads.

That fucking bastard, taking control over MY town. He got me out of the picture before uniting his little task force against the ads. He even got me to join them due to the ads being the immediate threat. Did he plan for that too or was the ads getting in my way just a coincidence?

They are experts at distraction and deceit after all.

But even those fucking A.I.s pale in comparison to Dovahkiin. I was expecting to get another Butters when he moved here but instead, I got quite possibly the biggest threat I've faced in my entire life.

He immediately planted an instinctive fear of him into me, and it grew and blossomed with the ads taking my focus away for so long. I still feel it sometimes even years later, but I feel like it's for different reasons now.

I've been forced to lay low while causing a bit of trouble here and there for him to underestimate me but that won't solve my problem. Far from it.

Most of the shit here involves dealing with people who have power, followers, or manipulation tactics but this asshole got all of those things throughout the years right under my fucking nose. If I wasn't so pissed off, I would honestly applaud the guy.

Even this latest plan of mine is meant to get a better picture of him and his forces because as of now, I have no way of stopping him. He's like Darth Sidious if he merged with the Death Star, but even a planet killer like that has a weakness.

I need to find out just what he has now and who I can trust and I'll be doing that myself. I already tried calling in the Hardly Boys again but those horny fucks were useless.

(A/N: The 'detectives' in Season 10's "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce")

There are quite a few things I need to confirm, and sadly, one of said things was one of my biggest rivals becoming a mere puppet for him.

"What? Gonna start complaining about girls not being able to be superheroes?" Wendy barks.

"Oh for- Would you quit it with the politics cover-up for 5 goddamn minutes?! I'm talking about becoming a pawn for Dovahkiin. I thought you were better than that." Wendy isn't the only one who knows how to do a few tricks with a phone. I had to counter the ads that were spying on me somehow.

I tracked her down to the roof of an abandoned SoDoSoPa building where she was texting with Dovahkiin. Apparently, the guy was hurt pretty badly by the actor, Morgan Freeman, (HAH!) and she was about to go "tend to his wounds" before I stopped her. He has like 10 different healing powers, bitch. Nobody's buying that excuse!

"I'm not his pawn, Cartman, I'm his ally. Unlike you, Dovah doesn't see people as pawns. He sees them as friends, family."

"You honestly believe that shit? Sure, he cares about Kenny and Karen like that, Timmy too, but you? Don't delude yourself, you're on the same tier as Butters and Jimmy to him and you know it."

"Well we just started working together a few months ago. It'll take some time but-"

"But what? You think he's gonna make you his special bitch? What happened to the "strong independent woman excluding the shit she does with Stan", huh? You're a fuckin' hypocrite and you know it!"