How to Survive South Park

A Better Way...

Date... the day Butters betrayed everyone and fucked everyone over.

It's extremely unlikely to happen since they know what to expect already, but just in case...

Location... where do New Kids usually pop up after timefarting?

I appear in the upstairs bathroom of New Kid's house, or rather, Dovah's house. Past Dovah.

This room has become synonymous with time-traveling New Kids, so who am I to break that tradition?

"Hey, past me! You home?" I call out, not seeing him anywhere in the room.

(("Just use the radars or rader-like abilities or energy detection or the dozens of other options at our disposal now. Why are you choosing to limit yourself like this?"))

'Because, T.K, I may be becoming a god, but that doesn't mean I want to forget what it means to be human.' I answer before clarifying, 'I don't want to develop the same overconfidence and complacency weakness Freeman and the other true deities have.

Remember where all our abilities came from. Even beings as weak as rats and gnomes have helpful abilities in this reality; I don't want to become the kind of person who doesn't bother acquiring those powers because of a stupid superiority complex making me think the act is 'beyond me' or something.

Besides, I don't need to instantly scan the entire universe and the minds of everyone in it for all their memories and thoughts just to feel safe enough to-'

*ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRR* *squeal*

That's what I get as an answer to my initial call.

That battle cry... that energy...

No nonononononono...

A million thoughts suddenly race through my head with them gradually turning more and more murderous as a certain chimera makes its way up the stairs.

If they ended up losing to him too... just like I did back then...

"Woah! Hang on, ManBearPig! Stop! Heel!" I hear as the demon arrives on the second floor and... why's he in his mafia outfit?

Just like in the Streaming Wars specials, the blood of various mutilated corpses splattered all over him has been replaced by a brown beanie, two gold chains, a buttoned striped blue shirt, gray pants, a golden watch, and a black leather jacket.

Past me then jumps over him and blocks his way while waving his hands around, getting the beast to stop.

"Sorry about that." Past me apologies while awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. "But MBP takes his security job pretty seriously."

"Security job?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yeah, it's kind of a long story. Nice to see you, by the way. Have any other immediate, world-ending warnings for us or is this just a friendly visit?"

"A friendly visit." I answer while calming down. "I figured I should check in and see how you guys were doing."

"Well we're doing great! Way better than you did according to Timmy... uhhh, no offense." Past me mumbles.

"None taken; that was kinda the whole point of me giving you the heads up in the first place."

The three of us head downstairs where another big surprise is waiting for me.

"Who was that, Dii? And why are there two of you?" Leslie Meyers asks, making me shudder, and not just because of the old nickname with numerous bad memories attached to it.