How to Survive South Park

A Few New Familiar Faces

I'm currently getting arrested because of the gun I brought to school. Before you ask, no, I wasn't going to go ballistic and shoot anyone. If I wanted to fight back against society or whatever, I would just go all Injustice Superman on their asses.

As I mentioned previously, I've always had a concealed weapon on me since I was sent to this world. Simply put, I've found that guns are extremely helpful with solving my problems every once in a while.

Idiot celebrity being an annoying jackass around town? Use gun on them. Being blackmailed to do some stupid fetch quest for support character of the week? Use gun on them. Asshole police are causing problems? Well, I doubt one gun will cut it but get an entire armory of them... you get the point.

Fun fact - there was actually supposed to be a shooting range mini game in TFBW in the police station but it got cut out of the final version. The shooting range was designed to look like a regular street and the New Kid was supposed to shoot "Black Targets" in the game.

Turns out that no, you wouldn't have been shooting living black people in the mini game, only dummies that were painted black. The prisoners were supposed to be sacrificed to Shub-Niggurath, not used as gun targets. Come to think of it, dying via gun range target practice is probably better than dying via being fed to an extradimensional abomination. Sucks for those guys.

Back to the subject of guns, I've literally had one strapped to me for years now and never got shit for it except at airports (why do you think I switched to flying myself and/or portal guns when going on trips?) yet now when I have one on me, people go batshit crazy. What the hell happened between season 19 and now? Superpowers that can destroy a city in seconds? Who cares about that, YOU HAVE A GUN!

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do-"

"BITCH, I TOOK BUSINESS LAW! I KNOW MY GOD DAMN RIGHTS!"

I know that sounded ridiculous considering I am currently a 10 year old in my second life instead of a college student in my first life but I'm too angry to care at the moment. That college class fucking sucked by the way. Also, when did the South Park PD grow a pair?

'Uuuuuugh, I wish my scepter could do telepathy too. Telekinesis is great and all but mind-control can just be so convenient at times.' Timmy is walking pr- well, not exactly walking, but he's proof of that.

Hell, the one time he had the South Park PD surrounding him for what I'm pretty sure was tax fraud (not sure how he accomplished that considering we're fucking billionaires), he used his mind-control powers to reenact the famous Cuban Pete scene from 'The Mask'.

What makes that all the more impressive is he was and still is confined to a fucking wheelchair yet somehow did the dance perfectly. I'm pretty sure he was using telekinesis to move his legs around while simultaneously mind-controlling dozens of cops.

"oooooOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHhhhhhhh... yip yip yip yip yip cop yip yip cop cop cop." And now the fucking Yip Yips are back. Those things teleport around more than Timmy does so catching them is an absolute nightmare and- wait a second...

"Hey, Yip Yip. Cop! Eat cop!"

"Huh?"

"...Eat cop. Eat cop. Yip yip yip yipyipyipyipyip yep yep yep yep."

"Hey! What are you-"

"Nom nom nomnomnonmomnom." It ate three and a half cops before being shot down and I still got arrested. I'm afraid your sacrifice was in vain, fallen Yip Yip.

As you can probably guess, season 22 started and it's already more annoying than the last two seasons put together.

I barely got past the opening act of the first episode for crying out loud! The whole town hasn't taken this too far yet like it always has and always will and Team Stan hasn't talked about what they learned or changed everyone's minds like they always have and always will.