How to Survive South Park

Show's Over

"Stamp on the ground. Jump, jump, jump, jump. Moving all around, tep tep da dow..."

After mind-controlling the staff to go away and deal with the damage caused by our last dance fight later, Damien and I started up a rematch with the song this time being 'Stamp on the Ground' by ItaloBrothers.

We agreed not to cheat this time to see who's truly better and started up the song after making that rule clear. As for Kenny, he should be fine dealing with Corey Haim on his own. Worst case scenario, he has to stop holding back and kicks the guy's ass back to hell.

"We're sending out (woo!) an invitation... to everyone in every nation. But don't sleep, get on the run, stop thinkin' and have some fun!"

It's a lot of fun when you're not pushing your mind to the limit trying to defend against the son of Satan.

"So just out of curiosity, do you work at a gas station? And if you do, can you please hook me up with some free slushies?"

"...What?" What? He worked at one in the famous fanmade story 'Hell Park'. I was just curious, okay? The guy gets one episode back in season 1. That's it besides a couple times he can be seen in the background as a cameo. Fanon stuff is all I have to work with besides that and it doesn't hurt to ask.

"I'm just asking."

"Jump, jump, jump. Jump, jump, jump, jump. Jump, jump, jump. Jumping all around! (Drop the beat!)"

"No, I don't work at a fucking gas station, Dovah." Still beats his fate in most other South Park fan stories he's featured in as a demonic version of that vampire dude from Twilight.

(("Shots fired."))

"Aren't you a billionaire or something? Buy your own damn slushies!" What a dick. Why couldn't the fandom La Resistance squad show up instead?

Oh, right. Trent's probably still in juvie after what happened in season 8's "Preschool", the last seen of Ze Mole after the South Park movie is a brief cameo back in season 3's "Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub" where he's on 'Late Night with Conan O'Brien' as Stan channel surfs, and I don't have the slightest fucking clue where Gregory ended up after the South Park movie.

New Kid/Dovahkiin is sometimes added to the group too but considering who's body I ended up in... yeah. As nice as it is to have a good idea what's going to happen here due to this timeline following canon events (excluding the changes I make), I kind of wish some fanon stuff was present to make things a bit more interesting.

(("Imaginationland, dumbass.")) Riiiiight. I'll have to put a pin on that idea for now, I have a demonic ass to kick.

"Jump, jump, jump. Jump, jump, jump, jump. Jump, jump, jump. Jumping all around!"

We tied in the end and were in the middle of arguing which song to choose next when we heard several explosions coming from the room over.

We choose to put our own fight on hold and head over to see a stage that appeared out of nowhere (the thing Michael Jackson summoned during the start of his boss fight) and the celebrity spinning around, deflecting the blasts Mysterion is hurling at him.

There's a literal pile of like 20 vamp kids stacked up at the edge of the stage which Kenny is probably trying to keep the celebrity away from as he has multiple abilities that can revive, fully heal, and give crazy amounts of defense to pretty much every vamp kid in the area with their tremendous AOE. This boss fight in particular really has you focus on the big bad instead of the minions.

The celebrity's own theme music is playing in the background without me even having to do anything and anyone with half a brain could tell that Kenny has become downright feral at this point.