How to Survive South Park

For A Better Future

Dark Angel Red's POV:

It's all falling apart.

It's all falling apart and it's all that FUCKING CHANGELING'S FAULT!!!

Stupid power-hungry bitch. The real Dovah would have come up with dozens of better ways to get stronger and win, but she and Wendy just keep throwing everything we all have at the patrol without any rhyme or reason.

We had countless legions, fleets that blanketed the skies, and even the mighty Lotgral that destroyed and infected everything in their path, but the Time Patrol was the dominant power in the multiverse for ages for a reason.

They had countless worlds offer support to make up for numbers and the strongest of the Exalted to counter our rapid growth. The second and third strongest of them are more than enough to keep the Changeling at bay right now, but the first...

Their stupid, precious 'Symbol of Freedom'. He's just some kid with a goatee and ugly pajamas; how the fuck is he so powerful?!

We actually tried attacking their damaged HQ again to free more of their prisoners and strike a killing blow on the patrol, but it was all a trap on their end. Their shields were damaged, their guns were down, and there were barely any patrollers resisting us after the first hour.

And yet it ended up in a total rout for us. Because of One. Fucking. Person.

Pretty much our entire army was pushed back by one fucking person.

I couldn't even feel a drop of energy coming from him, and yet a single punch of his nearly split P.T.K. in two.

Dovah fought him before, or at least, another him, so he would probably know what to do IF HE WAS STILL FUCKING ALIVE!

And if you exclude his horrible taste in advisors (and even that is mostly rumored to be just said advisors realizing that he likes hearing things he agrees with), the CEO of the Time Patrol is a genuine evil mastermind like me.

He's also incredibly ruthless like me if what happened to the prisoners is anything to go by...

He's just been mostly busy governing all the remaining timelines his company has 'offered protection and opportunity' to, with little time to focus on fighting villany. And seeing his apparent tendency for micromanagement, the fact that this company wasn't collapsing until now is a true testament to his skills.

Our opponents are actually starting to use some decent attack strategies now and the change between past and present is like night and fucking day!

All that planning, from getting us locked in that fucking prison to ruining his 'robromance' to setting up a chronoton blocker in his own timeline to make him my perfect dark king, only to have my Changeling counterpart ruin it all.

And then there's my other doppelganger and her stupid hivemind stealing our spoils whenever they get the fucking chance to. Why must the other Reds be such pains in the fucking ass?!

(A/N: She has no idea that Dovah and someone else are responsible for that.)

The fucking superman knockoff and zombified anime princess alone are enough to push the fake, Wendy (who is now following around 'Dovah' like an obedient dog, doing their best to be pet by the person who holds their leash and not giving a shit about literally anything else), and I back.

Maybe I should just bail and come up with a new plan (but not before having my remaining Lotgral tear that changeling bitch apart). The patrol would be on my ass more than ever though...