How to Survive South Park

Alternate Stick of Truth Part 5 - CUT! SKIP! F#^K THIS S%(T!!!

"That was your one goddamn job, Dovah - to protect the stick!"

"Like you did any better the day before, Cartman!" Kyle laughs at this clapback while a still-depressed Stan only chuckles a bit. Getting his ass kicked by his now ex girlfriend yesterday put a damper on his mood and losing the stick didn't really help with that.

"Alright look, it doesn't much matter HOW, the point is Clyde has the stick now and his army is bigger than either of ours." Stan explains.

"How many kids does Clyde have?" Cartman asks Butters.

"According to our last reports, Clyde has 14 kids from middle park, ALL the kids from Mrs. Braxton's fourth grade class, and ELEVEN sixth graders."

"My god..."

"We don't have a choice here. If we wanna get the stick back from Clyde, we're gonna have to join forces." Kyle declares, and Cartman opposes the idea, but the two factions end up uniting with the idea of recruiting more factions coming up soon after.

And guess who that responsibility falls to?

"It's up to you, dude. This is your chance to make things right. Go out and get people to join our kingdom. But this time, we are gonna need EVERYBODY. Do you understand?"

"I understand that a wretched, self-entitled, pointy-eared bastard is about to get his elven ass kicked a second time."

"Huh?"

"This ain't my fucking fault, Kyle. If you had the stick, Clyde would have stolen it from you last night. Same goes with Cartman. Goth kids, GIRLS, even the freaking PTA; you really think I can recruit EVERYONE in a day? You have legs and a mouth, don't you? Go out and do this shit yourself! I'll gather my own forces."

"Yeah! You heard him, jew elf!" Cartman adds on. "Go and get help already, I don't want to be around your jewish stench any longer than I have to be."

"How can you smell my so-called stench when you don't even have a nose, fatass?" An angry Kyle rebuttals which only adds fuel to the fat fire.

"I CAN NOT BELIEVE WHAT I AM HEARING!"

"HOW CAN YOU HEAR IT? YOU DON'T HAVE EARS EITHER!"

Yeah, still not entirely sure how that works for us. My best guess is animation logic.

Anyway, I have to separate the two before they get into yet another brawl and get them started on recruiting, something I refuse to do any more of myself. I also block them all so I'm not spammed with texts, calls, and voice messages of them begging for me to be their little errand boy.

Day three is fucking brutal for New Kid here. There is cut content for recruiting the pirates, federation, glee club, PTA, and the girls , don't even get me started on the fucking girls.

The former two were recruited by Kyle in the original and I'm making sure he does this shit here too. I don't have to worry about the plot changing too much since if anything, this brings it closer to the way it was during the original game.

The purple flames that emit from my hands plus the death glare seem to get Kyle off his high fucking horse as he stammers he'll get right on it. Cartman laughs at him until I tell him to get to work too and he doesn't argue.

"...Can you at least get the girls?"

"Fuck no. I'm not dealing with their shit." If you thought the girls' quest line in the original was annoying, then guess what, the cut content makes things ten times worse. There is so much shit the girls need help with, it can take up an entire game by itself.