How to Survive South Park

Campfire Songs, Sharks, and Space Aliens

"...O-o-oooou-our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song. And if y-you don't think that we can sing it faaa-fa-faster then you're wrong but it'll help if you j-j-just sing aloooooong..."

Me, Timmy, Kenny, Butters, Jimmy, and Wendy are all on the DLC bus heading towards Jimmy and Timmy's summer camp right now for the Bring the Crunch DLC. Jimmy brought some of his old bardic equipment with him and is singing the 'Campfire Song' song from Spongebob during our long ass DLC bus ride.

(("We totally stole the bus by the way.")) Thank you, Timmy.

"I know I've said this before but this is deadass illegal."

(("I control the United States Government, Kenny. I AM THE LAW!!"))

"Well you're certainly being more irresponsible than normal, Timmy. What's up with that?"

(("What's up is that this is my time to shine so you two have fun being the boring responsible ones for a change."))

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

The rest of us spend a solid 10 seconds staring at Kenny in awkward silence after he finishes screaming.

"What? Being a responsible, productive member of society whenever Karen is around is difficult enough... Don't give me those looks!" Even when Karen's around, it's nearly impossible for him to behave.

Take last week for example when he was cosplaying as a Sith Lord with Karen as his apprentice and attempted to bring a fucking Star Destroyer through the Imaginationland portal we have at the base.

The Imaginationland portal we have at the middle of the base.

He fucking rammed through a third of the facility and half the mountain it was built in before he got it all the way out and even then, the mile-long ship was basically totaled at that point. Timmy looked like he was having a fucking aneurysm before I reversed time and undid the blonde's fuck-up.

By the way, the sith name he went with was Darth Y'nnek. Yes, that is in fact "Kenny" spelled backwards. Real creative, dude.

Moving on, after a while of deciding who to bring here, I decided to just bring everybody that's a part of our little team and made sure to have Butters and Wendy lie about where they're going so they aren't ousted as my spies. This is Jimmy's summer camp so no excuse needed for him and while some people like Cartman have probably figured it out already, I don't want the entire town to know as that would ruin the whole point of being a spy.

I'm having this little getaway be both a treat and a spot for some team building shit as there is plenty to do here besides dealing with Nathan.

(("You're not even the one dealing with him, Dovah."))

"Considering my main character status, I'm pretty sure I'll get dragged into this at least a bit."

"Yeah, probably." Kenny adds. Looks like Timmy let him in on our newest telepathic group chat. "By the way, who the hell is driving?"

I look over to the driver's seat that seems to be missing a telepathic cripple. Oh, what the fuck?

"Yeah, who's driving?"

(("I'm still driving. I am controlling the bus telepathically."))

Side note - we're actually not dressed up in our normal or superhero outfits for once. Everyone except Kenny is in shorts and t-shirts since it's currently the end of July and hot as balls right now, even in Colorado.

Kenny is wearing a straw hat, sunglasses, a Hawaiian shirt, jean shorts, sandals, and he looks absolutely atrocious in them. This isn't even the couple months of fashion designing experience with Bebe talking, anyone who isn't completely blind would cringe at this dude's outfit. I'd burn it off his body but I'm 90% sure his clothes are fireproof and even if they weren't, he could just make a (somehow) worse outfit with his clothes beam in retaliation.