How to Survive South Park

A Day in the Second Life of Dovah

Another day begins for me as I wake up. Training was a bitch last night thanks to Timmy's latest addition to the base, a fully functioning gravity chamber.

Turns out Dragon Ball only got the concept of gravity training somewhat right. In reality, going around in stronger gravity does help you power up but adjusting to even a couple times Earth's gravity is an absolute nightmare.

Summarizing all the sciency shit Timmy told me, this kind of exercise trains and optimizes the brain's neural network to send more clear and precise commands to the muscles in your body so it's our neural networks that are mainly improving here which is much better then regular training. Basically, training in 100 times earth's gravity would be much more effective then just lifting weights a hundred times heavier than normal due to the former strengthening the entire nervous system.

However, I doubt I will ever reach that much of a gravity increase. Even 2G isn't exactly a walk in the park. Your body weight instantly doubles so the strain is immense. Scratching your fucking nose is a challenge and sitting wrong means your hips and back will crumble. As if that isn't bad enough, the blood flow to your brain slows and you can pass out if you aren't careful.

Regular humans can't handle 3Gs without dropping like flies. Even with my magic powering me up, more than 10Gs is pure hell to put it lightly. If it wasn't for Timmy, I may have gotten brain damage by now.

That doesn't mean I'm above messing with him, though. I'm a 10 year old now so I'm allowed to be immature and I still want payback for that shit he pulled with the Danger Deck. Kenny and I put multiple bluetooth speakers in all his wheelchairs a couple days ago and have been driving him nuts during school with all the shit we play through them.

They're like hydras at this point, get rid of one and two more take its place (and increase the volume). Timmy learned that the hard way.

"🎵AND I WAS LIKE BABY, BABY, BABY, OOOOOOOOHHHHHH. LIKE, BABY, BABY, BABY, NOOOOOOOOOO!🎵"

"Tim TIMMEH!!! TIMMY TIM TIM TIMMEEEHHH!!!" He didn't even care about subtlety at that point and telepathically disassembled his current wheelchair in the middle of the hallway in front of like a dozen people after flailing around for a bit in anger.

He's ramped up the tort- I mean "training" as a result but that doesn't make it any less funny and I'm only getting stronger from it so take that, you telepathic asshole! Torn muscle fibers that could take months or longer to heal normally are dealt with in seconds thanks to my multiple healing spells. I'm basically abusing the human version of zenkai boosts.

Y'know, this kinda reminds me of the time Timmy tried to make Jimmy "go away" in season 5's "Cripple Fight" but I know all about that and he knows that I know all about that. I'll wear Kenny's parka over my dead body, Timmy.

(("That can be arranged, you bootleg anime protagonist.")) He doesn't mean it.

(("Yes, I totally do mean it."))

I take a look around my room as a few memories of my adventures here come back.

I walk by the displayed Miniature Gong Lu Kim gave me when I first cleared out the Mongolians. I kinda regret not using it during the final battle at Clyde's house but he likely wouldn't have come anyway since summons can't be used against boss fights in game and I doubt that changed here.

I see plenty of pictures that replaced the original drawings that were displayed on my desk. Unlike New Kid, I couldn't draw if my life depended on it and it felt kinda awkward having them there since I'm a different person from the New Kid.

I made my own choices here and went on my own path. Sure I used New Kid as a basis for many of my choices but I'm still me in the end despite looking like and going by Dovahkiin. Reality was right about that part.