How to Survive South Park

Evolution

P.I.T: Season 18 Episode 6 "Freemium Isn't Free"

"This sure brings back memories." I mutter to myself while flying over the Canadian Department of Mobile Gaming as it's going up in flames... again. The Canadian Devil just got ownership of the souls of every Canadian in the world and is saying hello to the Canadian News guy when I reach him.

Like the last time I was in this situation, I plan on fighting the Canadian Devil. This time however, it isn't for fun. Granted, getting revenge is definitely on my mind. It's just not my top priority.

"Hey, guy! I'm the Canadian Devil!"

"Nice to meet you. You mind dying now?"

"Hu- OW! THAT HURTS, BUDDEH!" He's probably referring to the hand I just stuck through his chest. I then blast him away and he uses a Dark Blessing to recover from most of the damage as I try to shake the blood off my cloak.

"Fuck, this is messy. I mean, I can just summon a clean outfit to replace this, but still."

"Who are you, guy? You're not Canadian." He asked me.

"Brilliant observation, buddeh. I'm just a man on a mission. Well, physically I'm a kid but... oh, fuck this." I instantly appear behind him and grab the demon's wings before kicking his back with enough force to tear said wings right off of his body. He screams in agony as he falls to the ground, but quickly uses a Power Bind to try and grapple me to take me down with him.

I dodge and grab the chain he just tried to wrap me up in. I then pull him back up and punch him back down and do the same thing over and over again, turning the devil into a demonic yoyo.

'Well this is certainly easier than it was the first time.' I think to myself while pummeling the demonic canadian.

(A/N: Chp 21 "Dancing with the Devil")

"Suddenly, a shocking turn of events here as an American child seems to be fighting the Canadian Devil. This is certainly a conundrum for Canadians everywhere as we try to figure out who to root for..." The reporter carries on while I beat the crap out of the demon that once humiliated me and my best friends.

I eventually end the ass-kicking after a few minutes and grab the demon by the throat with his glowing red eyes staring into my glowing purple ones.

"You know, I should probably thank you. You were one of the people responsible for me getting my powers after all."

"What are you talking about, friend?"

"I'm not your friend, guy." I mock in a Canadian accent as I take his trident from him.

"I will be taking this though. It should serve as enough compensation for the months of pain this thing's curse put me through. Now then, I've always been curious about just how much you devils can take.

I mean I literally stabbed you in the face last time we met yet you still didn't die. While I got some serious bragging rights from that feat, it still irked me that you kept on kicking. I'll be sure to slowly crank up the heat this time around."

"Release him, child. Beelzaboot must be returned from whence he came!" A Satan-possessed Stan demands as he suddenly appears on the scene. Looks like I wasted a little too much time getting payback.

"That's pretty ironic of you considering you're in the body of a child right now, Satan. Alright, I'll hand him over. I'd rather not be forced to fight you anyway, at least for now. I'm keeping the trident though." I throw the half-dead devil over to him and strap his trident to my back along with the crab king's scepter and the devil's wings.