How to Survive South Park

A Better Way...

She's in a yellow t-shirt with its trademark reddit-esc symbol and a black skirt and she has a messier hairstyle and glowing neon-electric blue eyes and a rainbow tail and why does she have a rainbow tail and why is she standing in the middle of past me's living room???

"Meet my future self, babe. You know, the one I told you about. The guy who gave us the heads up on our original plans going to shit." Past me answers.

"Oh, okay." Leslie smiles before walking over to us.

"Ummm, thanks a lot for helping us, future Dovah. Timmy never gave us the exact details on what was supposed to happen, but I know that you were never able to save me in your future.

I was a barely sentient reconnaissance drone for a hivemind before meeting your other, past self. I was able to break away from that artificial hivemind thanks to him, and... and really become my own person overtime. I was able to see and do so much, and even get my own family in the process. So thank you, Dovah."

"Oh. Y-You're welcome." I stammer, attempting to process this fucking bombshell and all the feelings that came with it.

(("If you still had a heart, it would've skipped a beat by now."))

'Shut up, T.K.'

"We decided to completely scrap the undercover idea and instead fight the ads head on." Past me finally explains. "I was careful to avoid Leslie until we made decent enough preparations and then captured all the ads currently in South Park, Leslie included.

Said preparations turned out to be well-warranted. South Park has been on the ads' radar since pretty much the start of the show so the extra caution was necessary. The ads' reasoning for that wasn't even for the constant bullshit the town goes through either!... Well, not entirely, anyway. Remember that girl in season 9's "Ginger Kids" that was basically Leslie but with brown hair instead of black?" My past self then asks.

"Yeah." I respond, interested in where this is going.

"Well, it turns out that she was the first ad sent to South Park really early into the show. She's also technically Leslie, but I'll get more into that later.

So for whatever reason... most likely the show's plot, South Park in particular is towards the top of the talent scoping roster for child actors that many agents for corporate advertising use.

The South Parkers had plenty of moments on TV from as early as the second episode of season 1; there's also all the advertising they did starting from Cartman becoming the chosen candidate for a Cheesy Poofs commercial back in season 2."

"The ads wanted to pay extra attention to that town as the years progressed and more... incidents occurred, so they ended up sending more Human Social Infiltration Agents or 'Trojan Ads' as we called ourselves and newer models of current Trojan Ads with me being one of the latter. The girl who looks like me but with brown hair, she was the ad that was ultimately used as the basis for my appearance, which is why I look like her, except my hair is black and still done up.

I was essentially an upgraded or 'modern' version of her, so I gained all her data and memories and made the swap before her body was scrapped and that agent returned to the internet to be assigned a different task while I continued her original mission. Basically, you could say that she was the original Leslie and I took up the mantle as Leslie later on, but I've truly made the name my own since then." Leslie herself adds on.

Huh. I honestly didn't know that.

The ads' network is enormous and they certainly aren't clinically stupid like most other South Park antagonist organizations tend to be.