How to Survive South Park

The Fake's Finale

"Ey!"

Fucking Stan... he was the worst of the bunch in my opinion; always acting like the entire world revolved around him.

Cartman was an asshole, yeah, but at least he owned up to it.

'So why not force yourself into the spotlight?' you may be wondering.

Well, New Kid aka Dovahkiin tried that already. He got treated like shit by everyone as a result.

I wanted to be the star, yeah, but I didn't want that to mean being everyone else's slave. New Kid never really got himself out of that hole after we stopped Cartman from becoming mayor.

Even with incredible amounts of popularity and all his awesome superpowers, he was still powerless to resist getting mocked and trampled on by his so-called teammates.

Seeing that happen to him... it just made me even angrier.

'Freedom' Pals my fucking ass.

Years of anger and disgust built up inside of me, and one day, when I just so happened to be partnered up with Stan, I fucking lost it.

"Jesus, dude. What's up with you, today?"

"WHAT'S UP WITH ME IS I'M FUCKING SICK OF YOUR SHIT, STAN! YOU ALWAYS GO AROUND THINKING YOU'RE THE GREATEST FUCKING THING SINCE SLICED BREAD, TAKING ALL THE SHIT YOU HAVE FOR FUCKING GRANTED!

YOU SEE THE REST OF US AS MORE TOOLS ON YOUR STUPID BELT AND I AM DONE!" *WHAM* "WITH!" *WHAM* "YOUR!" *WHAM* "BULLSHIT!!!" *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM*

I gave him the simultaneous wake-up call and beatdown of a lifetime for a couple minutes before just collapsing on top of his beaten, broken body and starting to cry.

"Have you ever stopped to think about how lucky you are, Stan?" I quietly whimpered. "How many people would kill to get the opportunities you have? All I want is for my life to actually mean something in the end; for people to actually remember me as more than some pretty face in the background.

I'd give anything, ANYTHING to be in your shoes, Stan. AND YOU JUST TAKE THAT ALL FOR-" A flash of red light stops me from pouring my heart out and I see Stan erupt in blood before my body begins to change.

I don't even register what happened until the process completes and I stare down in awe at my now gloved hand.

His clothes, his tools, his voice and looks. I had them all now. I became Stan Marsh... at the cost of Stan Marsh's life.

...Well, I did say that I would give anything after all.

It took a couple minutes of planning and some praying to make sure nobody found me like this, but I knew what I would do from there.

I changed back (figuring out how didn't take long), used Stan's tools to tear my armor apart and scatter it around, then got rid of Stan's body and took his place, claiming to have no idea what happened to 'Red'.

We were supposed to take down an outpost full of Chaos Minions anyway, so it wouldn't be too hard to believe something went wrong.

...But to disappear entirely? To go MIA or even die to a couple fucking mooks? Would anyone actually believe that?

The answer, much to both my relief and absolute fury, was yes.

The other heroes kept a lookout for 'Red' for a few days after; they asked Butters about it, but he just went along with it since it made his army look more threatening.