Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 12, Part 2)

273 Another Last Chance

If he were to choose Qiu Ling, the alliance would crumble. Even though the effects of that wouldn't become obvious immediately, it would still strike terror into the hearts of their people, and over time, their standard of living would indeed reduce.

In his vision, he had seen that the demon realm was faring better and better, once again approaching a period of prosperity like it hadn't seen one since the days before the curse. Even though he didn't see the final outcome because the vision could not supply him with too much knowledge based on the sacrifice he had made, it stood to reason that with one growing and the other declining, the situation of the Nine Heavens would become precarious sooner or later. Without the help of the dragons, how could they withstand the demons in their renewed heyday, after all?

And all of these were only considerations for the general populace and the direction the realm would take after he made his decision. But there were still personal ramifications.

Jing He had been aware of the curse from a young age but because he mostly lived in isolation, he didn't understand what it had done to the relationship between his parents. The way they lived in different palaces, the way his mother would often get angry at him and scold him with no regard to his face, and how his father didn't seem to have a bottom line when it came to accepting her harsh words ... he considered all of these to be normal.

And how couldn't he? His uncle wasn't married and neither were the guards who had finally been assigned to him. His parents were the only married couple he could regularly observe so their way of getting along became the default in his eyes. He only slowly realized over the years that this was not the case and that, actually, their relationship was incredibly strange.

For a long time, he didn't know what to make of this. He had no idea that it was related to the curse and his father's past decisions. He sometimes even wondered if maybe he had gotten it wrong. After all, the knowledge he had gained was only derived from the books he collected from the Tower of Wisdom. There was a good chance that those would only mention the good but not the bad parts of relationships and thus weren't realistic at all.

He really didn't know. He didn't dare to ask either. Doing so would be insulting to his parents if he asked them directly and would be akin to spreading gossip if he went to somebody else. In the end, he could only quietly watch on until he slowly became more and more certain that the relationship between his parents had already broken down. By now, it was only held together by a thread and this thread ... it was inextricably linked to his own person. Knowing this, how could he easily make any decision?

If he rejected his father to be with Qiu Ling, his parents' relationship wouldn't survive it. He knew this without a doubt. And ... he didn't want to be responsible for it.

Maybe he was naive but he still hoped that they could work on their issues and somehow return to how their relationship should have been in the beginning. And surely, it should have been good once. Perhaps in the beginning, they had been just like he and Qiu Ling were, full of love for each other and reluctant to part for a single day. He wanted to believe this. He had to or he would feel guilty for being the reason they had stayed together for so long.

This also meant that he didn't actually want to see the remainder of their relationship crumble. After all, would that not be his fault as well? He couldn't take the thought so he held onto the faint hope that they would reconcile as long as he didn't give them further cause to argue.

No matter whether it was the future of his family or that of their realm, he couldn't bear the burden of being the one who destroyed it. He knew that this wasn't only his responsibility. If his father could be more logical when it came to these things, he wouldn't have to worry. But his father wasn't and since he knew, it became his duty to bow his head to the circumstances of his life and do what he could to prevent such a future from happening.

He had thought so before and now, after seeing the vision in the Spring of Fate, he knew that all his fears would indeed come true. Worse even, the breakdown in his parents' marriage would cause issues for his uncle as well, completely destroying the family and further weakening the gods. Since he knew this without a doubt now, how could he be willful and follow his heart? No matter how much he loathed this outcome, it had to be done. Anyway, it was alright as long as he could ensure a good outcome for Qiu Ling.

Jing He continued to look at Qiu Ling's face as his thoughts once again circled around the choice he had had to make. He knew it was final. It had to be. He couldn't pull Qiu Ling in this direction and then another again. It was just ... Just a little while ago, he had thought they would never see each other again. Now, here they were. He in Qiu Ling's arms, able to tell him that he regretted his choice even if he couldn't help it.

Maybe this was indeed cause to still carry hope. He just ... didn't dare to count on it. No matter what, if things were to change in the future, it would be a long time until then. He'd rather plan well and find another way out for Qiu Ling. Just in case ... just in case this really was the end. At the same time, it seemed right to make use of what might be their last opportunity to speak, whether it was this one or the next time. He just ... shouldn't let go of any chance if he didn't know how many there would be.