Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 12, Part 2)

245 He Didn't Feel Secure Either

Qiu Ling understood Jing He's worry but he wasn't willing to give up this opportunity so easily. "You will have to give up something and it's normal to make the sacrifice that will impact you least. Since it is theoretically possible, we shouldn't easily discount it. Can you ... use the Mark of Wisdom to check if there will be a punishment?"

He knew Jing He didn't like using it but he'd hate it if Jing He had to give up something else if this was indeed a viable option. Before they let go of the idea completely, they should ensure that it would cause issues. If Jing He checked all possibilities, only to find that there wouldn't be any negative results from making use of this option, then he felt that they should indeed go with this. After all, it was the perfect opportunity for them to let Jing He find out what he wanted to while simultaneously not making their future life more difficult.

"I get that you are afraid but you might be overcautious in this regard. Let's figure out the details surrounding the sacrifice to make sure and then decide. You know, I just don't think you should give up anything you're not certain of."

Jing He might not feel that it was too much of an issue to give up certain things now but Qiu Ling was more worried about this. While living in the capital city during safe times, he naturally wouldn't miss for anything. He could ask others for help if he needed it and it wasn't like there were many dangers around. But who could guarantee that life would always be like that?

Qiu Ling knew that he was likely thinking too much but he still remembered how drastically his life had changed when he left the capital with his parents. At that time, it had only been the three of them. He himself hadn't had dependable magic yet since he was only a child and his mother who might have had more abilities had likely hidden them to not expose her heritage.

Later, after his parents were both dead, things had been even worse. He was alone out there in the wilderness and had to rely on every skill he had and every new one he could develop to survive. Whether it was his magic or his senses, he wouldn't easily give up a single one because if you led such a life, every small disadvantage you had could be your death.

Back then, he oftentimes hadn't dared to sleep because he couldn't know if there wasn't danger lurking around the next corner. As a result, he had to replenish his energy in other ways. But how could you tell whether the food you found was edible or not if you couldn't smell or taste? So yes, even something that others might feel didn't have too much impact on their lives was something he'd cling to for as long as he could.

Jing He didn't have the same experience. He had never needed to fight to survive and hopefully, he'd never need to in the future either. If he could, he would always keep him safe. But part of that was ensuring that Jing He could do it on his own if he wasn't there one day.

Qiu Ling lowered his head when he thought of that, unable to look Jing He in the eye for a moment. He didn't like thinking about this but ... with Jing He's decision not too far off, it was hard not to consider this angle: If Jing He decided against him, then sooner or later, he'd find his end. At that time, who would be there to accompany Jing He? Who would protect him? It couldn't be him any longer and ... his trust in Jing He's father wasn't big. He just wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him behind without knowing that Jing He had the best chance he could have.

Qiu Ling gulped and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get rid of the idea. Jing He was likely to choose him. The fact that it was taking him so long to decide wasn't a sign of lacking feelings but simply a result of his general insecurity. He knew him well enough to understand that. With enough time, Jing He would come to his conclusion and that was likely one that would mean that they stayed together.

Really, was there a reason to doubt this? He couldn't always follow his father's wishes. Maybe leaving him would still be doable even if painful but when it came to marrying somebody else, he couldn't imagine that Jing He would be willing to accept whoever his father chose. Surely, he would feel troubled by that prospect even more so than he was by the idea of leaving him. Jing He yearned for true love, after all. And knowing Jing He's tendency to overthink, there was not a chance that he wouldn't imagine such a scenario of his father trying to forcefully marry him off. Just thinking of it, he should reject the idea.

Qiu Ling quietly comforted himself, readjusting his mood. He also wasn't sure why he was more and more worried about what was going to happen. When he originally found out that Jing He had fallen, he hadn't been like this. Even when they saw one another for the first time, he hadn't doubted the outcome at all. But now ... the thought crossed his mind again and again.

Maybe it was just that he saw Jing He not making a decision for such a long time. It reminded him of the ten years he had needed to work hard to even make Jing He agree to his marriage proposal. When it finally happened, he had hardly been able to believe it. The thing was just that those ten years stood against the two thousand years of Jing He growing up and following his father's wishes. Somehow, the odds didn't seem stacked in his favor if he thought of it like that and that ... really wasn't making him feel secure for the first time since he met Jing He.