Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 12, Part 2)

253 Everything Would Get Worse

The mind of a fallen god couldn't be considered stable in the first period after their fall. Even though Jing He's state might not seem as severe as that of others, he couldn't escape the same ups and downs either.

Reading the letters written by his lover in which Qiu Ling poured his heart out but also documented a lot of the things that happened around him, this problem seemed to become even worse. Sometimes, he stared at a line for several minutes or even for a whole hour, his mind somewhere else.

It wasn't surprising. After all, everything in this letter was somehow connected to the reason for his fall: His indecisiveness when it came to how he wanted to act and which future he'd prefer. How could he not be influenced when the consequences of his actions so far and the problems that caused his worries in the first place were spelled out to him?

Thankfully, this time around, he wasn't completely alone. An Xin had naturally taken a seat on his lap when Jing He sat down and happily rolled onto its back, sticking its belly up to let him pet it. Whenever Jing He paused for too long, An Xin would raise its head, wiggle its paws, and finally gently tap Jing He's wrist if it still didn't get a response. More often than not, this was what pulled him out of his daze. Other times, An Xin actually fell asleep and didn't notice either, making the time Jing He spent in this state stretch longer.

Tian didn't come to check up on him for several days. When he stepped into the palace, Jing He had just put down one letter and picked up the next. He was only partway through the stack he had taken along.

Seeing the Supreme Sovereign, his expression turned tangled and he looked at the unfinished letters with furrowed brows. It shouldn't have taken him so long to get through all of them. He actually couldn't explain it to himself. In his mind, he seemed to read them one after the other and only occasionally stop to think about what he had just found out. He had no real idea of just how long those musings tended to last.

Tian didn't mind. He wasn't necessarily patient but he also knew that some steps were important to take. Otherwise, the outcome might not be what he wished for. So seeing Jing He with the unread letters, he simply inclined his head. "I see you haven't finished going through them all. I will let you have more time."

"That ..." Jing He wanted to speak up but didn't even know where to begin. Should he apologize? It seemed like it. He made the Supreme Sovereign come over here again and again with nothing to show for it. He wouldn't leave with him to do as he had promised and he wasn't making any progress on his own either, only indulging in his own pleasure by focusing all of his attention on Qiu Ling's sweet words. That Tian hadn't even uttered a harsh word to him was already proof of his great patience. He definitely deserved worse.

Before Jing He could say another word, Tian raised a hand to shush him. "The path every fallen god takes to recover is different but they all rely on the cause of their fall. Just as you said last week, these letters are connected to yours so reading them benefits you." He paused for a moment but finally mentioned what he hadn't said seven days prior: "If you weren't eager to solve your predicament, you could probably rely on these to a large degree to recover your previous identity.

"As he continues to write them and matters unfold in the Nine Heavens while you aren't a part of them and only an observer from the outside, making use of the letters and your abilities as a fallen god, your own obsession might fade. After all, you would see how everyone deals with their life without you and you will naturally watch the consequences it brings when you aren't a part of their lives any longer.

"Instead of the glimpse of the future you can get at the Spring of Fate before it actually unfolds, you simply take the time to see how the future actually plays out when you aren't in these people's lives. It is possible but it is also a long and arduous road, one which will have its own consequences because it is not just a vision but the actual reality of your life."

Jing He listened quietly but his fingers holding onto the envelope tightened. The real consequences of his actions ... he didn't know what they were. Tian didn't seem to think that they would be an issue but he himself became anxious when he realized that the Supreme Sovereign was right: The longer he waited and the more things he did before he went to the Spring of Fate, the more would have happened in the Nine Heavens which couldn't be undone.

So far, Qiu Ling's letters mostly mentioned positive things or at least neutral ones but ... Could he trust that matters would stay this way? Or wasn't it more likely that there would be more and more things happening and that their consequences would be graver as well?

Yes, the more time passed, the worse off everyone would be. He was selfishly accepting everyone else struggling only because he wanted to indulge in Qiu Ling's warmth a little longer. The worst thing was that even Qiu Ling himself was forced to endure the continued uncertainty because he refused to take the one step that would likely allow himself to make up his mind.

Jing He closed his eyes, his thoughts reproachful. He couldn't change how much time he had already wasted but he could stop doing so going forward. Taking a deep breath, he finally opened his eyes, put the letters away, and got to his feet. "I believe ... I am ready to go to the Spring of Fate now."