Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 12, Part 2)

242 He Didn't Want to Draw Attention to It

"That ... that shouldn't be possible ... should it?" Jing He's first reaction was to doubt this possibility but then, he only felt confused. These were abilities he currently had so he could naturally give them up. But he intended to become a trueborn god again in the future and at that time, he would lose those abilities anyway. So giving them up ahead of time to see the future and make his decision that should revert his identity to that of a trueborn god ... that seemed rather dishonest to him. Surely, the Spring of Fate wouldn't allow it.

Qiu Ling raised his brows. "Well, it is something that you would give up. Did Tian say that there were further stipulations?"

Jing He hesitated but finally had to shake his head. He did feel that this was something he should ask Tian about though. If it was possible, it would naturally be a good thing but ... he still couldn't quite believe it. It just didn't seem right. It seemed ... too easy.

Qiu Ling could see that he had doubts but also felt that his reasoning seemed sound enough. "How about you ask Tian about it when you go back? If it was true ... that would make things a lot easier." Jing He definitely wouldn't miss those abilities he had only just gained so giving them up was easy. It would mean being able to gain the insights he wanted while having hardly anything to pay. It ... well, it did seem a bit too good to be true if you said it this way but he still felt that there was nothing else speaking against it.

Jing He nodded. "I will." Anyway, it was better to make sure and Tian shouldn't ... His thoughts trailed off when he imagined approaching Tian about this. The last time, what had he told him? It seemed that he had asked him whether he was aware that he was able to figure this out all by himself since he now possessed a Mark of Wisdom.

Jing He pressed his lips together tightly, suddenly not sure what to do. It seemed that Tian might be annoyed if he was asked questions that could easily be solved without his help so he shouldn't approach him. Using the Mark of Wisdom though ... he also couldn't bring himself to do so easily.

Maybe he was hypocritical but he'd rather not use the abilities of the fallen gods if he could do something else. Of course, he had made use of the water mirror to see how Qiu Ling was doing twice and had also opened a portal for the third time today. So saying that he didn't want to use these abilities unless he had another choice should be wrong. He ... he just had very different standards for what he was willing to use them for.

His cheeks flushed when he thought of that and he hurriedly lowered his head. To be honest, what was the difference with using the Mark of Wisdom? He was also trying to find this answer for the sake of his life with Qiu Ling. And using it in front of him ... was that really any worse than opening a portal? It didn't seem to be the case.

Jing He still couldn't get used to the thought for a moment and turned away. He wasn't sure what the reason was but this still felt different to him. If he could, he didn't want Qiu Ling to see the Mark of Wisdom between his brows at all, much less draw attention to it by actually using it in front of him.

Yes, most likely, this was the cause of his resistance: He hated being a fallen god and he hated others to see him this way. He could barely tolerate Qiu Ling knowing because his humiliation of being seen like this was offset by being able to be in his presence. But to call attention to the fact that he had failed so thoroughly in his life that he was now like this ... it pained him too much.

Qiu Ling wasn't sure what was going through his mind but he could see that Jing He seemed unhappy. He leaned closer, gently squeezing his hand while he pulled him into his arms. "Are you scared?" He could imagine that potentially giving up a large part of his magic had to be frightening. Even if it allowed Jing He to reach his current goal of becoming a trueborn god again, the worries about his future wouldn't diminish because of that.

Jing He hesitated but finally shook his head. "It's not that." He couldn't bring himself to tell Qiu Ling what it was though. He already felt ashamed enough. He didn't want to make it worse.

Qiu Ling raised his brows but finally just nodded and kissed Jing He's temple. "I am here. I will help you bear any of your worries. You know that, right?" He had said this before but especially in Jing He's current state, it seemed right to repeat it as often as he could. Otherwise, who knew if his beloved would keep those words in mind or believe them at all?

Jing He closed his eyes and leaned against Qiu Ling's chest. Lowering his head, his thoughts moved. To be honest ... as long as he lowered his head, it probably wasn't obvious if he touched the Mark of Wisdom. And from what he had seen during his trial when Xiang Yu did the same, it only seemed to take a moment. Should he ... risk it?

He felt torn between exposing more of his nature as a fallen god in front of Qiu Ling and wanting to know the answer to the question that had suddenly come up. He ... he could check back in the High Heavens but then, he couldn't discuss the result with Qiu Ling and he had come here for his opinion because he wanted to make the right choice for both of them. In that case ... he didn't seem to have much of a choice unless he wanted to travel more often between the realms and ... honestly, that was just as much proof of what he was now as using the Mark of Wisdom. Maybe it was even more so.