Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 12, Part 2)

212 The Pain They Had to Endure

During his trial, he had always felt inferior after he found out about there being another incarnation of himself whom Qiu Ling had originally fallen in love with. Listening to his lover describe the one he originally met, his thoughts could be summarized as not being good no matter which part of their lives he compared: status, education, beauty, ... In each of these things, his original incarnation seemed to be ahead of him.

Jing He quietly compared again and felt that he had been right. He was better suited to Qiu Ling in all of those regards as his true self. He wasn't concerned with winning any longer but he felt glad that it was this way around and not the other. If he had only been a commoner in this life and hadn't had his beautiful looks to go for him, he never would have dared to dream about being with Qiu Ling.

Yes, even though he usually felt that he still wasn't good enough for his fiance, that was all based on his character and the flaws it had. If he considered the rest, then it couldn't be said that they weren't well-suited. No, they definitely were. In a sense, they were the perfect couple as long as you only looked at it from the outside.

This was a small consolation considering that his character flaws weren't easy to make up for. He knew it himself: He was vain, insecure, and cowardly. The only thing he had going for him in terms of character was his unwavering love for Qiu Ling and the loyalty he could promise him.

That was precisely why it had shaken him so hard when he realized that he had betrayed Qiu Ling during his trial despite all his preparations. He only had two good qualities in him. Now, one of them was more or less eliminated which would also cast doubt on the other one. In this case ... what else was there for him to have to offer Qiu Ling?

While there was nobody who outranked him in status in either the Nine Heavens or the dragon realm, he wasn't so conceited that he believed that the same was true for the other two categories in which he had always felt inferior while being Jing Yi. For example, Scholar An Bai was much better educated than him, and ... well, he was a dragon which counted for something.

Jing He did have more trust in his beauty but even in that regard, he had some doubts. He didn't know many people so he had only a small number of people he could compare himself to. So far, this comparison had always been in his favor but ... during his trial, he had seen more of the world and its people. And remembering the looks of Jinde ... Qiu Ling should be used to being surrounded by beauties.

There likely were a lot vying for his attention every day. He might not have given them any so far but it would have been easy to find someone more beautiful. In fact, thinking about it now, even Scholar An Bai could probably qualify. His looks weren't the most outstanding but they were good enough to attract other people for sure. Not to mention that he had one big advantage: He was a dragon.

Jing He furrowed his brows, his insecurity suddenly rearing its head with all its might. He seldom thought about them being of different races but ... being with another dragon would surely have many benefits for Qiu Ling.

For one, he wouldn't have to worry about the curse on the Heavenly Family's bloodline so he could have the children he wanted. Then, he wouldn't have to worry about being unprepared for whatever curse would rest on that child. His own blood was more than half of the dragon race. If he had a child with a full-blooded dragon, that child should fall squarely into being counted as part of the dragon race and would receive the same curse as Qiu Ling and his partner. There wouldn't be any surprises he had to slowly figure out how to deal with.

Yes, no matter how he looked at it, being with a dragon seemed to be the better choice. While he might be superior in comparison to his reincarnation as Zhong Jing Yi, he himself was far inferior when it came to many dragons. He really should be humble and thank Heaven every day that Qiu Ling deigned to be with him.

Thinking of this, he tightly hugged Qiu Ling's waist, suddenly even more afraid that he would be left behind.

Qiu Ling could feel the change in Jing He's mood. For a moment, he felt chagrined that he had insisted on asking about the trial. Maybe it would have been better to keep quiet. His beloved had been in a calm mood before so why did he have to disturb that? But then, without disturbing that mood and challenging what Jing He believed to be true, how would he ever find a way to make Jing He reconsider his stance and finally heal from the impact of the curse on his family?

He furrowed his brows and leaned down, kissing the top of Jing He's head. He had hated to see him suffer during the trial but he had learned his lesson: It was necessary so Jing He wouldn't be hurt even worse later on. Now, it seemed that the same was true in this situation as well. If he wanted Jing He to get better, he'd have to stomach seeing him this way. Otherwise, nothing could change and Jing He would always be trapped in constant worry.

For his beloved, that would be much worse in the long run so ... he needed to be strong for him and force himself to press forward. At the same time, he could stay at his side and help him deal with some of the pain those actions caused. As his lover, this was what he should do.