The Arrangement Factor (ARRANGEMENT SERIES #1)

Chapter 72

"Do you regret it?" she asked softly, her eyes reflecting hurt and tears.

Initially I was unsure of what she meant by me regretting, my eyes widened when I realised. "Not a bit, Dove. Not a bit. I was more than happy to know that. I can't even express in words, mon trésor, what you mean to me. You have no idea how much I cherish you, and nothing else matters."

"Then why were you talking to Daniel about this? Do you want someone more experienced?"

"What? NO, I only want you, Dove. You are my everything—my wife, my little Dove, my L.... I don't care about anything else, Dove, and I don't regret a single bit of it. I want you just as you are, and nothing else, I swear." She had no idea how much being her first meant for me, and I struggled to explain it without sounding like a creep.

Once again, she glanced at our entwined hands and asked, "You're wearing the watch?"

I smiled at her and replied, "You brought this for me, Dove. Did you expect me not to wear it?"

The sight of the watch she bought for me filled me with joy—it perfectly matched my style. Beyond that, it served as the only constant reminder I had during the times she was away. I vowed never to part with this watch; if possible, I'd have it engraved onto my wrist.

She gazed at me in silence. "Just like how you always wear the dove necklace I gave you."

Since I gave her the necklace, she had never taken it off. I understood the significance it held for her, much like what her watch meant to me.

"Sarah, Dove, please trust me. I would never do anything like that. I promise, please say something, Dove, please."

After a prolonged silence, her voice still trembling, she said, "I want to believe you, Alex. I really do."

Gently wiping away her tears, I said, "I understand your doubts, Dove. I would feel the same way if our roles were reversed. I acted like a jerk when I was just jealous, and I know this is way bigger and far worse for you. But you're not being mean or a jerk to me. I promise I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, proving that you matter a lot to me, that I..."

That I love you and would do anything for you. However, even if I say those words now, she might think I'm just saying them to win her back.

"I need time, Alex. Time to heal," she said in a low voice.

"I'll grant you all the time you require, Dove. I'm not going anywhere. While I can't alter the past, I pledge to dedicate myself daily to forge a brighter future for us. I will demonstrate my unwavering devotion to you and you alone," I declared, resolute and determined.

"I can't come back right now." What? Why?

"But..." I couldn't bear for her to be away from me any longer.

"It hurts, Alex. It hurts deep. I just don't know how to handle this pain." She cried even more.

I enveloped her in a hug, refusing to let go, cherishing her touch because I didn't know how long I could stay away from her before she decided to forgive me. "Sarah, I'll spend a lifetime making it up to you if that's what it takes. You mean everything to me. I'm never letting you go."

How do I express the depth of my love for her and my desire to have her with me? I couldn't bear to let her go. I wanted to hold her in my arms forever. But after what felt like just seconds to me, but half an hour later, I reluctantly let her go. She avoided eye contact as she pulled away from the hug, hiding her beautiful hazel eyes.

I gazed at her lovely face, savoring every moment before our time apart. I wanted her back, and I was willing to do anything to win her back.

I rose from the bed and left Daniel's house, expressing gratitude for letting me see and talk to her.

"Please take care of her," I said, a tinge of sadness in my voice, realising I couldn't be the one to care for her because she didn't want me near.

"We will," he replied, and Mia nodded. I knew they cared for her deeply.

I can't simply persuade my heart to stop hurting by convincing myself that I'm not the one she desires right now.

Her words reverberated in my mind.

It hurts, Alex. It hurts deep.

I inflicted pain upon her. She doesn't want to be with me, she can't even look at me without tears. I am the one who brought her to this state.

I am her culprit.

IReturning to my penthouse, I grabbed a bottle from the kitchen and headed straight to my room. I lay near her dress, inhaling her fading scent, seeking some comfort in the proximity that she was once with me.

I had her blue dress with me when I packed for here. It was the same dress she wore on her first day at university and our engagement dinner—the dress in which I first saw her and made her mine. The dress that held the hope she would return to me. She had to.

However, even the dress offered no solace now. I needed my little Dove back. I needed her to remain sane, or I would lose myself.

I drank and drank until I couldn't differentiate between her presence in my imagination and reality.

Sarah's POV

I was confident that he would never betray me, nor he would intentionally cause me harm. I know he cares and he consistently demonstrates care at every available opportunity.

All I craved was for him to profess his love for me, reciprocating my feelings. However, those words never escaped his lips.

He would never love me.

I trust him more than anything in my life. I know he didn't cheat, but witnessing him kiss someone else inflicted a deep pain in my heart. The image lingers, refusing to leave my mind.

He claimed he was working that night, yet Amelia insisted he was with her. Though I would always believe him over her, the things she said planted images of them together, intensifying the hurt.

Why am I never enough for anyone?

Why can't anyone love me?

Why can't he love me?

All I want is for him to love me.

Am I unworthy of love?

Do I not deserve love?

If no one loves me, why am I even in this world? Why can't you God, take me and my pain away? Or do you, too, despise me as much as my parents do, not wanting me like everyone else? Did you also abandon me?

Tears streamed down my face when he left, and I cried until sleep enveloped me, carrying my pain along with it.

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