The Arrangement Factor (ARRANGEMENT SERIES #1)

Chapter 61

Alex's POV

I was about to leave the house and run outside to find her anywhere she could be, but I heard some noises from the kitchen. I went to the kitchen, and there I saw her, my Little Dove. However, she looked slimmer, and... fuck.

She turned and dropped the glass she had in her hand, tears flowing down her cheeks. I rushed to her, not caring for the broken glass, but even in her anger, she stopped me and moved carefully to the other side where the glass was not scattered.

Her eyes were swollen, and she looked slimmer like she had not been eating since... FUCK!... I am a fucking idiot.

I engulfed her in my arms; I wanted to feel her against me, to know it was not my imagination, and it was really her. She did not say anything, nor did she hug me back, maybe because I was caging her arms as well.

"I am so sorry, mon trésor. I am so fucking sorry. I am an idiot to do all that, to hurt you. Please forgive me; I am sorry," I cried on her shoulder. I couldn't bear to see how her face was not lit with happiness and charm as it usually is. It was all pale, and her eyes were swollen and red; she must have been crying because of me. Fuck me, someone just hurt me like I hurt her.

She pushed away, and I let her go, but she ran away. Fuck, she doesn't even want to see me. I ran behind her because I couldn't let her hurt herself more because of me. I need to tell her how stupid I am and how sorry I feel. I need her to slap me again. She should slap me until she is satisfied and hurts me enough to be even a little bit closer to what I did to hurt her.

She did not go to our room but went into some guest room. Is she staying in the guest room? She doesn't want to stay with me? She sat on the bed and was crying, her face in her hands, hiding away from me.

I crouched in front of her and held her hands away from her face into mine. "Fuck, Sarah, please don't cry. I am so sorry. I am an idiot. Just slap me or kick me—just beat me. I fought with you over a stupid thing that was not even your fault." I took her hand towards my face, for her to slap me, but she pulled her hand away.

"Please, mon trésor, talk to me. Hit me, please. I am an idiot, I hurt you, and I deserve any punishment you want to give me, but please stop crying." I couldn't bear to see her cry or hurt; it pained my heart, but I was the fucking reason for both.

"I promise I will not stop you from anything. I know how much going to college meant to you and how hard you worked to get your scholarship. I will not even stop you from playing Cinderella. I was extremely stupid to say all that. Please forgive me." Tears were on the brink of leaving my eyes.

She just shook her head no. What does she mean no? "I already left," she says, crying.

"What do you mean you left?" She did not leave everything for me, did she? No, please say no. I would never forgive myself for making her do that.

"I left the play, and (sniffles) I will drop out of college also. (sniffles) Just some paperwork is left," she says, crying.

"No, no, no, please don't, fuck." I hug her. I can't face her right now. Fuck me.

"Sarah, please... Dove, please tell me you didn't... I-I would never be able to forgive myself. Please don't do this to yourself, please." I should kill myself for doing this to her, crushing her dreams and happiness.

"I would do anything for you," she said, and I can't bear it anymore. Tears fell from my eyes like they were set free from a dam.

I pulled back and looked at her. "Please, I don't... I don't deserve you. I am an ass. You are an angel. Please don't leave anything... Not your college, please, not for me," I said, crying, pleading with her not to crush her dreams for my stupid ass.