How to Survive South Park

Alternate Stick of Truth Part 5 - CUT! SKIP! F#^K THIS S%(T!!!

Getting a school dance up and running by appealing to the PTA, getting a stolen list back that details which girls got to second base (99% of the boys don't even know what that MEANS if the corresponding cut cutscenes are anything to go by), helping Lola get her lost books back from the sewers where rats and zombies reside, helping Nichole get some stupid code for something at Tolkiens (that was supposed to be a day 1 quest, but got grouped in with all this other shit), uncovering the two-faced bitches among the Sunshine Sparkle group that are talking shit about the others... It's not just one this time, it's a whole fucking CLUB of them that New Kid has to break into by dressing up as a slut.

Speaking of sluts, the enemies you have to fight throughout this section primarily consist of girls dressed in their slutty outfits from season 8's "Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset", and don't even get me started on their attack arsenals. You were supposed to beat up more hookers as New Kid in this section than there are present in all the GTA games combined!

Did I mention that you would have to fight Paris Fucking Hilton as a boss? Her special ability, 'Vag Blast', is as disgusting and deadly as it sounds.

And we're not done with the quests yet, heavens no.

Helping Heidi with some stupid popularity quest, finding out if that one kid from the High School Musical parody episode (Bridon) likes Annie or not, delivering a fortune catcher for Bebe to a random girl and sneaking into said girl's house (and past her bitch of a babysitter) since she isn't allowed to see anyone at the moment, recruiting the cheerleaders (yet another faction of girls) onto whatever side you're on via yet another quest line, and the original shit, can't forget about the original shit. Just... AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

(("Detecting that the host is having a mental breakdown.")) NO FUCKING SHIT!

I am NOT getting stuck recruiting the FUCKING GIRLS!!! No way! CUT! SKIP! FUCK THIS SHIT!!!

(("So no Canada then?")) NO!!!

Canada's got a bunch of extra shit too with the main cut questline being stopping a massive conspiracy planned by the NFL and Scott the Dick. Yes, the NFL I'm referring to is the National Football League; it's not another villain group abbreviation like LOD, GSM, SAC, or AARP.

You're also stuck with the Canadian Prince the entire time while trying to expose his imposter (spoilers: it's Scott the Dick) and that guy acts like a bigger dick then Scott who is supposed to be the biggest dick in Canada (it's part of the guy's name for a reason). If it were up to me, the prince would've been fucking dethroned by now.

(A/N: And yet the new Prince of Canada featured in Season 26 is somehow even more annoying than him. It's probably for the best that Dovah got transmigrated before that season came out.)

I was actually planning on taking him down during the Nahkriin War, but GSM, LOD, and the member berries halted my progress before I got that far.

Come to think of it, with New Kid's online influence powers, I could probably make that happen right now if I wanted to. Well, either that or I could just bust in and kill the prick. The Canadian Devil himself got fucking demolished by me during our last fight, so anything the prince throws together to stop me now wouldn't do jack shit.

(("Suggestion: keep your priorities straight")) Suggestion noted.

On that note, I do a quick check on the others' progress when I get back to South Park which leads me to the Community Center where Randy is hosting a PTA meeting and Stan looks like he's done with life.

"The PTA wants to thank you all for coming." Randy begins. "As you know, our town is being threatened by the development of a massive Taco Bell. One that probably won't even serve enchiritos. Our only hope is that we unite together to stop the Taco Bell once and for all."