Girl from Mitras ★ A. Arlert

Chapter 103 - Thinking

Morning.

Y/N woke up with a depressing feeling inside. Soon it will be a week since she spoke to Armin. This whole week of his silence didn't bode well. Conclusions about his decision were forming in her head.

- What am I supposed to do? He waited for me when I needed time, but... but then he offended me, accused me of cheating... and I was just honest with him... he could at least somehow show me what... what should I expect... and should I wait? I need something... maybe I should pack his things, in case he decides to take them... damn...

It hurts. Her heart was broken.

- I'll write to him myself and ask him to pick up his things, since he's decided... no matter what he decides... he can't do it like this....

She hugged a nearby pillow and began to cry.

- But I love him so much... is my love really not enough... am I really not enough...

She cried for a long time until she could no longer squeeze out a single tear. Sitting up on the bed, she took out photographs and letters from the bedside table. Having collected everything, she headed to the office, without changing clothes or washing her face after sleep. Sitting down at her desk, she began to write him a letter.

She wrote about what she felt.

Armin,

I don't know what decision you have come to or will come to, but I can't help but think that for almost a week you haven't tried to express your thoughts. The way you left... broke my heart.

I always thought that me alone and my love for you would be enough, but apparently not that's not enough for you. It hurts. As if my feelings don't matter.

It was difficult for me to share with you everything that I told you. Very few people from my environment know about this in detail. I don't like to talk about childhood, about my fears. At that moment, when I told you about everything, I was waiting for support from you, as from a friend, it was important for me that you understand me. Yes, perhaps your point of view on these things is different, I didn't expect you to agree with everything I say.

Yes, I am like that, I don't understand marriage and I'm afraid to have a family. But I know someone like me can be loved. If you aren't capable of this, if me alone is not enough, then your things are waiting for you - you can take them, like everything that I'm enclosing to this letter. I understand that I cannot be your friend after what happened between us. My heart strives for you, it's yours, it has always been yours. If we break up, I'll probably leave for a while.

I don't want to think that I made a mistake at the graveyard by choosing the wrong person. That choice can no longer be corrected. I believed that you could love me no matter what, I believed in you. I blindly chose you, although I knew that another choice would be easier, it would be simpler. Everything would be known there, understandable, the way I would ideally like it. But nothing is perfect. We all see and idealize some picture in our future, but this is just our idea. We can never predict exactly how things will be there - in the future.

Please answer me something. And if you decide to leave, then let me go forever. Give me a chance to find happiness without you... It will be difficult, painful... maybe it will break me again... but I will try to live for myself...

I talked to my friends... and you know... we are young and we can still change everything and change ourselves...

I have read all your letters. I cried a lot while reading them. I wish we were together at that time, then we could save each other from this pain, from these fears.