How to Survive South Park

Alternate Stick of Truth Part 4 - May the Best Race (Humans) Win

Elven archers alongside Jimmy (who took my costume advice and upgraded to canon SOT Bard class) and his summons keep the humans at bay over by the main entrance alongside Bradley while I continue to go around and charge towards the gate with Cartman as a buddy.

"Give up! No army can take Broflovski's Deep." Stan declares.

"And yet we took it down last week, hippie! Commander Dovah, use that potato gun sentry the elves have over there to destroy the back gate." Yeah, these guys even have several potato guns as part of their defenses.

I kind of wish these human and elven fortresses made it into the final version as they make the original ones look like absolute jokes in comparison.

"Weak! It's out of ammo."

"Dude, you think we're stupid? You can't use our own potato-gun against us. We've got a dragon protecting the ammo. A FUCKING DRAGON!"

Yes, this is how it goes in the cut storyline quest.

No, I don't know why Stan and the elves don't just use the potato gun against us instead of handing us the thing and hiding the ammo for it.

Come to think of it, they could've just put the gun inside their base and fired it from there. Or just not have the gun lying around if they don't want to use it so their enemies can't use it on them.

So yes, Stan, I think you're stupid.

I can't really blame the South Parkers for this though since that's how it was in this cut section of the game. They were pretty much destined to be stupid here. It's what the plot demands for some of these quests to work.

Anyway, now begins part 2 of this attack. Cartman and I head into the area marked 'The Outlands' where the dragon's cave is which is just an extension to Kyle's already massive backyard here.

Seriously, these patches of land span more than hundreds of square feet each and there are multiple of them here! Even Tolkien's backyard isn't that huge.

When we reach the dragon's cave after beating up some more elves,

"You'd figure elves would be light on their feet." and roasts from Cartman. You can't forget about that.

Anyway, when we get to the cave, we see those two goons Bill and Fosse from way back in season 1 keeping an all too familiar female South Parker prisoner.

"Okay. You win, guys. I'm just gonna go home now, okay?" Wendy asks while tied up to a basketball post.

"The witch is trying to hex us! Don't listen to her!"

"Yeah! Feed her to the dragon!"

"FEED THE DRAGON!" Said dragon isn't a cardboard creation like the one the Moorish use at the start of TFBW. It's a heavily modified WD-40 tractor that will literally shred Wendy to bloody pieces if she's 'fed' to it.

"Look, Wendy's all tied up. Didn't think she'd be into that sort of thing." Cartman comments and I struggle to contain my laughter. I have to give Cartman credit where it's due. When it comes to funny commentary and insults, he is definitely one of the best at the craft.

"I HEARD THAT, CARTMAN! YOU THINK I WANT TO BE HERE?!?" And she just gave away our cover. Good going, you two.

"Another one! You're dragon food, fucker!" Bill shouts and I telekinetically toss Cartman at him and his partner or lover or whatever Fosse is to him.

"EY! Couldn't we have waited until after the hippie was sacrificed?"

"Screw you, fatass!" Wendy shouts back before turning to me. "You mind untying me? I really don't want to get shredded to death and I need to give my soon-to-be ex a PIECE OF MY FUCKING MIND!" Okay, this time had nothing to do with me! I swear!