Hamza Nijad Ali,
Cold, Arrogant, Clever.
He has little use of ethics even less use of affection.
A philophobic with a past he can't accept and a future he can't expect.
He thought he will never feel anything until.....
Hania Zerlin Malik
Sweet,Shy...
I'm sitting on the grass, watching Shazu and Arsh practicing football.i didn't feel like playing today.
I think it's the first time in my life,I feel not playing football. I loved it more than anything.
I spent 5 days without Hania ,i miss her,I miss her smile,her playfulness, i miss her fragrance it's black orchids.
I smiled remembering our conversation about it.
"Sitting beside you feels like sitting in a garden..."i told her and she laughed "But I can't name it exactly but it's feels like straight from the woods..." I added. "Like black orchids and juniper....." She said ."Yeah last year I visited mehagalaya i remembered it."i replied. "So which perfume you use?," "I don't wear perfumes, it's a body wash...".
I'm a idiot who even bought the bodywash, for the smell of her, it's has sweet, musky,and woody fragrance.
It's not usual fruity fragrance most girls use,but it's something powerful, overpowering and feminine at the same time,but it lacks something maybe the person who uses it,the comfort she creates,the warm feeling around her.
I even insisted Arsh to group call everyday,all of them used to talk, but I silently look at her.
I know I'm fucked up.
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I returned to home, took a shower I decided to read something, she recommended alot of books but I decided to read Have a little faith byMitch albom.
I think it's too relatable,so i stopped reading it, yesterday day only I had a session with my therapist and we covered alot.
He said I should not force myself into anything and listen to my heart follow what I feel. And he said I don't need a session of CBT for my anger management, I'm doing pretty good as of now.
As I'm doing fine right now ,I didn't have an rage attack since I joined college after the conversation with my dad.which is a achievement itself.
"Hamza are you okay? you didn't informed that you are coming?" My dad asked,"I'm fine,i just wanted to come home "i replied
"Is anything wrong beta(son)?"he questioned with concern, "I actuallydropped out of college." I said nonchalantly.
"What? Are you out of your mind?"he raised his voice. "I'm not interested in it anymore"i said in a frozen tone.
"How careless are you Hamza, you got into the best college of the country and still you dropped out. Firstly you don't know how to take a decisions of your life. And you don't listen to anyone who advice you." Hesaid harshly.
I've listened alot"yes, I don't listen to anyone, because the person whom I used listen made me who I'm today!!!!!." I yelled. "Don't bring that---"he tried to speak but I'm not in a situation to listen.
