Kingdom of cards chpt 3 N.S. Bad Omens story

Heaven couldn't change

SUICIDE ATTEMPT
SORRY FOR TYPOS

Noah's POV
I walked into the bathroom and was just washed in sadness. I don't know what happened? I occasionally will just get depressed out of nowhere and want to cut myself again. I stared at myself in the mirror and felt so down, like I'm no longer needed here and I'm just.... worthless.

I don't have my razor in here right now, so I punch the mirror, slicing my knuckles as some chunks of glass fell onto the floor. I leaned over and picked up a shattered peice and saw my eyes through the reflection. My eyes were dark and so lost, but why?
I pressed the glass down into my flesh and cringed, that's when the door opened. "Hey Daddy where's- Sebastian's eyes went wide when he saw me sitting against the wall and cutting myself. "Buddy go" I cried as he steps in and shuts the door. "Daddy no, Daddy stop please." He begs while sitting in front of me.
"Buddy, please go." My warm blood starts dripping down my arm and onto the floor. "Daddy no!" He starts crying as he watches me hurt myself.
"Daddy, you're gonna hurt it." His tears fall down his face as he stares at my wrist. "Don't look" I said closing my eyes and sliding the glass down.
"Daddy!" Sebastian grabs my hand as the glass slices my flesh. "Ugh!" I dropped the glass and slowly lie down onto the floor with blood pouring out of my body. "Daddy! Please Daddy don't go Daddy?" He shakes my shoulder as my hair falls over my forehead. "Sebastian, just go buddy.
I don't deserve you or your mom, you deserve better. Go... go on buddy" I whispered as he held my hand in his tiny ones. "Daddy, we love you." He cries as we heard Eleanor calling for him. "Sebastian? Baby come eat" she was right outside the door. "Mo- I quickly covered his mouth. "No, Do not tell Mommy ok? I just need a minute to sleep ok? I'll be back in a few minutes." He just stares at me in worry as my cheek was pressed onto the cold flooring. "Go eat, I'm ok bud. Please? For Dad?" He slowly nods and wipes his eyes and walks out of the bathroom, closing the door. Thank God he left.

While lying on the floor in my own blood, I just think about heaven. I don't want to die old, I want to die a peaceful death by my choice. Everyone says we can't choose our time, but why? Can't I have some control over my life?

I was getting cold, nauseous, and shaky as my mind felt so at peace in this moment. I got to spend time with my family and my son will be the last person I saw on this earth. The acking in my wrist was so numbing and painful, but I needed it.

"Noah? Where are you" Ellie calls while opening the bathroom door.
"AAGGHH OH MY GOD, NOAH? BABY WHY?" She screams while kneeling down and resting my head on her lap.
My hand grips the hem of her shirt as my blood stains ruin the shirt's color.
"Noah, hold on Okay!" She cries as I see Sebastian crying by the door. "ARE YOU GUYS OK?" the driver yells as we stopped moving. "GET TO THE HOSPITAL NOW" Eleanor screams as I gently rubbed her soft skin.
"Gave it all to burn forever" I whispered as she gently rubbed my head. "You're gonna complete that song, you can not leave... not now!" She yells as I reached my hand out for Sebastian. He comes running to me and hugs my shoulder. "Daddy, I love you " he says while holding my hand.
"I'm so sorry " I whispered as my world went black...