How to Survive South Park

Growing a Pair

Pig squeals could be heard by half the school for a solid 30 minutes and everyone just silently agreed to avoid fatass for the rest of the school day. This happened during lunchtime too so he was both pissed and hungry with the latter making him even more pissed.

Speaking of lunchtime, both superhero teams made sure to eat at opposite sides of the cafeteria and tension was high, even without Cartman egging everyone on.

Good news is the tension dissipated before we got an early 'Civil War 3' fight. Bad news is said tension was fucking evaporated by Clyde being Clyde.

"If Cinderella was a cooking slave instead of a cleaning slave, would her name be Mozzarella?"

Craig lets out a long, tired groan after Clyde's latest brain-bleacher escapes his mouth.

"Sometimes, just sometimes," he sighs, "We have thoughts, but we don't always have to share said thoughts by letting them out into the world, Clyde. Just a suggestion."

"Only god himself can stop my inability to have a brain-to-mouth filter, dude." Clyde replies dryly, which is... actually pretty valid.

"You should just make that your fucking ultimate at this point, Clyde. Sure beats a swarm of flies being about as threatening as flies can be." Stan groans from across the room and I have to agree with him there. That ultimate could probably cause the 'confusion' and 'gross out' debuffs to all enemies across the battlefield while all allies plug their ears and pray.

Fits pretty well with his insect hybrid alter-ego if you think about it.

The final event of note for the day was another one I had planned. Timmy tried discreetly reading my mind without me noticing later in the school day, but my mental resistance once again stopped him dead in his tracks.

I made sure to glare at the guy right after his failed attempt and sent a text to him, reminding him of the agreement he made with me (while continuing to pretend being New Kid). The superpowered cripple backed off after that.

While this Timmy hasn't developed his powers or other talents here, he is still incredibly intelligent and would no doubt try to look deeper into my sudden appearance in South Park. Unfortunately for him, being intelligent doesn't make him any harder to predict, especially when I've known the 'him' in my timeline for so long.

With this, Timmy now believes that he can't forcefully read New Kid's mind as well as my own. He won't be sticking his nose into my plans this time, he will be focusing on Cartman like he's supposed to be.

The rest of the day goes by pretty quickly and an angrier-than-usual Cartman calls a meeting at the Coon Lair. I walk over to his place once school ends and see New Kid smiling at me when I enter.

"I take it you learned a thing or two?" He nods at me and walks over.

Sweet, it actually worked! Well, either that or he just had a really weird dream that doubled as a therapy session. As for how he even lost his memories in the first place, my current theory is that his parents probably tried wiping them a couple times in an effort to 'protect' him like how they used experimental government drugs to try and curb his powers. Fucking dumbasses.

They didn't even get the right ones! Said drugs just gave the New Kid his fart powers!

Come to think of it, could anyone get those powers if they ate the medicine? Imagine if the government actually put that medicine to use and created a squadron of time-manipulating super soldiers.

That would be bad. Good thing New Kid's parents inadvertently stopped that while saving New Kid and themselves.

Cartman still ordered New Kid and Butters to infiltrate Freedom Pals and made some slight accusations to a very confused Kyle right after. The two got into yet another big fight by the time Butters, New Kid, and I left.