How to Survive South Park

Experiments

Summoning him took a lot out of my ass and I need to spend about an hour 'recharging' before I can summon him back. Or at least I think it's him. It's never really confirmed if you are summoning the same past version of yourself or different ones. We ask him if he remembers us and he gives a blank stare again. Well this is annoying.

We eventually resort to reading his mind and find out that this is in fact the same Past New Kid I summoned before. We also found out a few other things like how the same amount of time passed for him as it did for us and once he gets back, he loses the powers he got from coming here.

He does however keep any injuries he got from the present when he returns to the past though that isn't exactly a good thing.

"Sucks you don't have a system like some of those anime protagonists do. We could have just read the description instead of going through all this crap."

"Yeah Kenny, I could have easily used a system to unlock and master these abilities IF I HAD ONE!"

Somewhere in the multiverse, a divine taco shop owner rolls his eyes.

We did some more testing and gave him some cash for his troubles and I ultimately decided to not use this ability in the future. For starters, this New Kid, despite getting my powers, doesn't know how to use them and training him would take forever considering he can only be summoned here for 5 minutes every hour or so at most. Second, summoning him here means dragging him away from his point in time whenever I summon him.

Imagine eating a meal or using the bathroom or something and suddenly find yourself in the future with superpowers the future version of you apparently has and are immediately forced to fight someone. Doesn't sound very nice, does it?

While I didn't gain a new attack or fighting partner in the end, I did get to confirm a few things I was curious about and meet the actual New Kid which was nice I guess.

Along with experiments, we have also been trying to track down several different things over the years. One of those things was more U.F.Os since having more alien technology never hurts. Unfortunately, visitors have been pretty much avoiding South Park after SOT with a few popping up here and there every once in a while at most.

We had to resort to tracking ships down in other parts of Colorado or even the U.S. entirely and we actually did manage to get our hands on a few intact ships over the years. Timmy is currently working on some armor and weapons for us to boost our combat powers even higher which is nice.

Another thing we have been tracking down is the Crab People. Why track them down, you may ask? They never cause problems in the later seasons of South Park, right? Well, in Fractured but Whole, one of the missions New Kid has to do is help Wendy/Call Girl get her phones working again by seeing what the issue is at the D-Mobile store.

The store was taken over by crab people who Cartman/Mitch Conner employed and the New Kid and Wendy have to defeat them. The boss enemy in this fight is the King Crab who has quite the interesting weapon.

It is a giant golden scepter with the top of it being shaped like a crab claw. The scepter can heal and boost the attack power of multiple people at the same time with a really low charge time and even has telepathic abilities. The crab king uses the latter to blast New Kid and Wendy across the fighting area all throughout the fight. I want that scepter.

It will be the base for what I'm hoping becomes my own trademark weapon with the healing and attack buffs as a bare minimum. Various bits of alien tech and power crystals from the visitor ships we've gotten over the years will also be put into it along with some human technology too advanced for me to even try to understand. Timmy will be making it and I can't wait for it to be done.