How to Survive South Park

The Yaoi Girls Have Spoken

I feel kind of bad for throwing Bebe under the bus here since we grew kind of close during the few months we spent as business partners but unlike this show's fandom, the asian girls here won't ship just anyone.

(("Shots fired.")) Not now, Timmy.

I had Craig fill the girls in on Wendy and Bebe's history which revolved around trust and friendship along with jealousy and rivalry. The episodes "Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society" and "The List" helped out a lot with this.

The girls were hooked and started drawing them before Craig even finished telling them about the two.

Now while I think Wendy deserves some payback for what she did, I don't intend to completely screw her over and destroy her relationship with Stan or anything like that. The main reason I introduced that ship here was for people in South Park to take some of the pressure off Craig and Tweek.

The two were driven to their breaking point in canon and forced to give in to the town's demands but with there being two separate potential couples now, the lessened pressure given to the four of them individually should prevent any of them from giving in to the town's demands and the fad will eventually die out in a few days like all the others.

Wendy's tough so I have no doubt that she will just ignore this and stick it out like Craig will.

Spongebob Narrator - "A Few Days Later"

So it turns out I was wrong. With South Park being so desperate to fit into modern times nowadays, they doubled down on the effort to get both a gay and lesbian couple in town.

The four of them tried everything they could to stop it but gave up in the end so Wendy ended up breaking up with Stan to be with Bebe. Whoops.

As a fan of the show's oldest couple myself, I wasn't thrilled about this development and Stan wasn't exactly jumping for joy either and since Craig and Tweek were the ones who did the yuri presentation in the first place, well...

"YOUR ASSHOLE'S GETTING TORN INSIDE OUT YOU MONOTONIC FUCK!"

"YOU'LL DIE TRYING, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOU'VE HAD THIS COMING FOR SEVEN YEARS!!!"

(A/N: Peru episode was back in Season 12. Yes, Craig is still pissed off about that.)

Yeah, those two are seriously trying to kill each other. God damnit, I'm gonna need a shitload of telepathic brainwashing to fix this issue. Hopefully Timmy's willing to help.

It takes the entire South Park police force to break up the fight and Stan and Craig are thrown in jail with this inspiring the asian girls to start a new line of yaoi: Staig! Ok, now this is just getting ridiculous. At least Tweek has now been spared the wrath of the asian girls. The poor kid was tearing his hair out after a couple days.

When Stan and Craig find out about the new line of pictures, they are absolutely livid and put their differences aside to break out of prison. They then steal flamethrowers from the police station and literally burn all the yaoi and yuri plastered around town to the ground.

Seeing Stan and Craig walking around in those orange prison outfits with flamethrowers barely made me flinch. Looks like I'm used to the epicenter of crazy bullshit that is South Park now. And it only took a bit under 2 years.

Holy shit... I've been living in South Park for almost two fucking years. Time sure flies when you're trying not to die.

While those two are busy rioting, I'm back at my old house packing the last few things up with Leslie. I suddenly hear the doorbell ring and when I answer it, I find the entirety of South Park's PC frat bro population standing on my front lawn.