How to Survive South Park

Putting the 'Danger' in Danger Deck

"Oh please. You're just a holographic fake that doesn't even come close to the original." I grab the invisible barrier and shatter it with my hand only to get sent flying back by a punch in the face.

'What the? That actually hurt. I never saw Mysterion move so who just-'

"Pathetic." Almighty King Douchebag lands next to Mysterion as a giant golden gauntlet disappears and a golden aura surrounds him.

'They can talk? And how did Timmy make one this strong?' I get a grip and charge back in with the copy summoning a golden scepter in one hand and a giant golden warhammer in the other.

I summon a flame scythe as we start to clash and fly all over the arena. The king uses multiple Royal Fistings while I defend with my flames, dire shroud, and my fart powers. I then use a dark whisper to slam him into the ground before retreating to get some distance only to bump into... MANBEARPIG?!?

The copy roars at me before punching me back towards the king who's Hammer of Heavenly Reign I barely avoid by boosting away with a bone hand. ManBearPig then charges at me and I manage to avoid his grasp but fail to do any damage as I punch him right in the chest.

"Well, duh." I hear Kenny comment before getting backhanded and sent flying by the demon. I then get blasted across the arena by a barrage of missiles from a fully formed Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme.

I'm about to yell at Timmy to turn the difficulty down a few notches but the artificial sky suddenly turns green and a barrage of meteors from the king's Pyroclasm attack come flying down on one side while missiles come from the other.

"ENOUGH!!!" I scream as I stop time and use bone hands to return the projectiles back to their senders. I then use a [Ghastly Grasp x Dark Whisper] combo to have bone hands exuding dark mist hold down the legs of the mech before charging towards it using dragon shout as a boost and knocking it over.

The central cannon opens to fire a lava ball but I have several bone hands cover up the cannon's entrance before I start to pound on the glass dome protecting Prof. Chaos while having multiple bone hands beat him up from the inside.

I suddenly get grabbed and yanked away by a green dire shroud and thrown into the king's Hammer of Heavenly Reign. In a split second, I can feel my ribs start to crack from the blow but use the glitch timefart to undo the king's turn and prevent any damage on myself before flipping over his hammer and kicking him down into the ground.

At least I try to but a green dire shroud protects him and I'm the one who gets kicked to the ground by a Nazi Zombie Princess Kenny.

'Not him too.' I groan internally as I'm picked up from the leg by ManBearBig and I'm about to get the Loki treatment in Avengers before I use bone hands to punch him, stunning him and end up freeing myself.

I then kick him away only to get attacked by the princess on one side and the king on the other. Even with Grim Fate and my timefart powers, I find myself being completely overwhelmed as Chaos and ManBearPig recover and assist the royals.

Kenny's POV:

"Woah, I'm sensing actual Netherborn and Satanic energy from those guys! How the hell did you manage to replicate that?"

(("Well, I may have made a few deals with Satan and Cthulhu when making this place. Don't ask how I got in touch with them, you don't want to know. I can assure you however that I only acted in our best interest and did not give away any information that may be detrimental to us."))

'Oh god, what did Charles Xavier Jr do?'

(("Charles Xavier Jr did nothing detrimental to us which you would of known if you were paying attention 10 seconds ago."))