How to Survive South Park

Fun and Games

"Understood. I will prepare all that is necessary."

Dovah's POV:

"Boom! That makes 23."

"That's it? I shot down that many 10 minutes ago! Get your shit together, Dovah."

"TIMMY!"

"More than both of us combined, my ass!"

Timmy, Kenny, and I are having a little competition to see who can shoot down the most drones right now. In terms of the show, we are at the end of the fifth episode of season 18, "The Magic Bush". We bought some guns from Jimbo and are going to town on this mechanical manhunt.

"Sorry I'm late. This little shit insisted on coming and nothing could convince her otherwise."

"Screw you, Craig!" Craig and Tricia head over to where we are. I invited Craig to join us since I figured he was pretty pissed off with the video starring his mom blowing up on the internet. Everyone including the rest of Team Craig has been giving him shit for it so I figured he could use a good stress relief.

"I keep telling her that she'll shoot her eye out but she refuses to listen. I then realized that watching her shoot her eye out would make me soooooo happy so I let her come."

"Too bad that won't be happening. I've been playing TF2 non-stop for months now! I'm basically a shooting expert!" 2 minutes after she says that, she accidentally lands a headshot on Kenny. I then hear a faint "Oh my God, they killed Kenny!"

"You bastards!" Ok, are those two psychic or something?

I then remember season 8's "Cartman's Incredible Gift". Well, that explains Kyle but what about Stan?

"Oops." Forget it.

Tricia does actually get the hang of shooting several types of handguns after a while and during her training montage, Craig goes ballistic with an assault rifle, quickly destroying dozens of drones. Note to self, never piss off Craig. He actually has me take a video of his rampage at one point to send to the Team Craig group chat. It's a pretty effective scare tactic.

We're all wearing ski masks to prevent being recognized and travel throughout town while shooting down drones left and right. We eventually make it to the police station where hundreds of police and civilian drones are having a standoff.

"HEY FUCKERS!" The drones all turn towards us.

Tricia is the one to announce our presence and after all the drones turn towards us, she screams, "HASTA LA VISTA, BABIES! I've always wanted to say that!" We then begin moving down drones as I put on "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy which came out like a month ago.

I didn't just cross realities, I also went back in time which means most of my favorite songs haven't even come out yet. It fucking sucks.

Cartman's POV:

"Quit your bitching, Butters. This will work without a hitch... Oh, what the fuck?"

The police station has turned into a fucking warzone with some guys shooting the shit out of all the drones.

"Damn it Eric, you said you had everything under control! First Kenny bails on us and now everything is going wrong!"

"Just shut up for a second. Why is Timmy even bothering to disguise himself? He's literally the only kid with a wheelchair in this town!" I can barely hear myself thinking as some stupid ass hype music is blaring and now some assholes and a cripple are stealing MY FUCKING VICTORY!

One of the kids then stops and flips me off before pumping the blow up doll I bought full of lead and destroying the drone carrying it. Why is fucking Craig Tucker of all people doing this shit! He seemed to have a fuckin log up his ass during our trip to Peru! What makes this any different?

Dovah's POV:

If Craig wasn't pissed before, he sure as hell is now after seeing Cartman's imitation of his mom. Sorry Cartman, but we're gonna be stealing the victory this time. We spent the rest of the night having a blast destroying every drone in town.

There was no party celebrating Craig's mom but something tells me he would much rather keep it that way then go through what he did in canon. That thing was a punch to the head when Craig caught me humming the "Craig's Mom's Bush" song the old bard sang at the party in canon.

News stories about the "Drone Destroyers" played for a few days but nobody ever figured out who they were so the case was dropped.

You'd think it would at least be obvious that Timmy was a part of this due to his unique look among the 10 year olds but consider the fact that most of the adults here have more toes then brain cells. Yeah, we should be fine.

As for the episode "Freemium Isn't Free", Kenny, Timmy and I decided to test our mettle against the Canadian Devil. Jimmy also never accepted Canada's offer to advertise the game to others in town as we have completely changed his views on ads. We also helped him get over his own freemium app addiction and he's now putting that time towards training his powers.

Clyde ended up accepting the offer instead but since that doesn't really change too much in the normal plot, we let Team Stan confront him and take care of it.

Another great thing about Kenny being in on this is I will pretty much always know what the 'main characters' are up to so I can stay in the loop while altering it however I wish. It makes dealing with any unexpected changes much easier.

Before heading to Canada, Kenny, Timmy and I stop at Kyle's house to pick up Ike. We kind of need a good excuse to do this and "assisting our friend Sir Ike with saving Canada" should be good enough. Ike is more than happy to help since he's pretty patriotic and doesn't want his soul to be owned by the Canadian Devil.

We make sure to head out ASAP so Stan doesn't get in the way and fly over to The Canadian Department of Mobile Gaming. The sky is blood red and fire is everywhere with all the Canadians freaking the hell out. Kenny and Timmy are in their superhero outfits while I'm in my necromancer clothes and Ike is in his knight outfit. We've even got some of the alien tech we stole back in SOT underneath as armor.

"Are you guys ready for this? Ike, you go save Terrance, Phillip, and the prince while we handle the Canadian Devil. "

"YAAAAAAYYYY!" "Ready when you are, dude!" "TIMMEH!"

"Ok, let's go!"

Another thing I learned from Kenny during the timeskip was how to make the Netherborn flames do physical damage so blasting through the front of the department with them isn't a problem.

"Hey, guy! I'm the Canadian Devil!"

"Nice to meet you. I'm Dovah and I'm here to kick your ugly, demonic ass back to hell." I use a dark whisper to pull him towards me before kicking him up in the air. Timmy then begins hurling rubble at him while Kenny summons some flaming scythes to throw at him.

"ENOUGH, BUDDEH!" The one toothed devil releases a massive amount of fire all around him as the three of us get sent flying. The giant flame surrounding him starts to form into several massive canadian looking fire dragons who let out roars and more flames towards us.

'Ok, this is new. I guess a devil who rivals Satan himself isn't gonna go down that easily.' I power up into Grim Fate as I prepare for battle alongside my partners.