How to Survive South Park

The World Better Prepare, For Now I am a Billionaire

Going back to the current episode I'm in, my parents joined in on the stupidity like the others but I had a secret stash of gluten treats I managed to keep hidden from them so I got through the episode ok. Living in a college dorm full of thieves helped me learn how to smuggle and safeguard whatever food I buy. Seriously, I could not for the life of me bring leftovers back and expect to reheat them the next day as empty containers would be all that was left in the fridge.

The party was pretty nice and I ended up dancing with Leslie though it was more like her teaching me how to dance since I don't know the first fucking thing about dancing. School dances during my childhood were just a hundred or so kids standing awkwardly in a gymnasium with some decorations up for 3 hours.

I tried replicating the little dance Stan and Wendy did at the end of the episode but I couldn't even get that right which Leslie giggled at. I had to resort to getting a little tutorial from her and she's actually a pretty great teacher. She was nice and patient and probably downloaded some how-to videos from the internet into whatever passes for a brain in her head to help teach me and I eventually got the basics down after almost half an hour. I have to give credit where it's due, if I didn't know Leslie was an ad in advance, I would've probably never found out the truth without Jimmy's help.

I didn't even bother to change "The Cissy" as I have no reason to get involved in Stan's problems, Wendy and Cartman's rivalry, or Cartman's BDSM toilet fetish. Seeing Cartman- sorry, Erica with a pink bow on her hat carrying various whips, ropes, batons, and torture devices into her private bathroom was deeply disturbing. She seemed to be even more brutal than in canon due to some leftover anger stemming from Stick of Truth.

It wasn't long before she became he again and he tried to hog the special bathroom he had built for himself but gave up after half the school would line up to use the VIP shitter.

Speaking of fatass, the scare I gave him during Stick of Truth worked perfectly and he does his best to avoid me at all costs which I welcome with open arms. Same goes for the hallway monitors. Every new recruit has heard the story. Unfortunately, a different annoying fatass seems to have taken a liking to me during the timeskip.

It all started about a month ago. I was at home relaxing while scrolling through some photos on my phone. A lot of them were with Leslie as 9 times out of 10, us hanging out would be her 'parents' driving us somewhere fun like a trampoline park or laser tag place and she loves taking pictures of every little thing she does.

I'm still not sure if this is just part of her pretending to be human or her gathering data for the ads. As for what this 'data' accomplishes for those sentient programs, I couldn't tell you.

Anyway, I was thinking about how much has changed since we met as I nearly shit myself the day she gave me a tour around town yet now, I'm barely nervous at all. She's just a part of my life now.

"Teeheehee. Your nervousness is turning into love, New Kid."

'What the fuck? Oh god, please don't let it be who I think it is.' Cupid Cartman then appears and I immediately try to swat him away but he dodges the blow.

"Teeheehee. Denying it will only delay it, New Kid."

"Fuck off! My life isn't a reality show for you. Go bother Cartman about Wendy. We both know he's had a massive crush on her for years."

"We both also know that no amount of love arrows I shoot at her will make her reciprocate his feelings again, New Kid. This is about you!" Isn't this guy supposed to only exist in Cartman's fucked up imagination? Come to think of it, the Woodland Critters were too and yet they're currently in the forest next to town having a blood orgy or something.