How to Survive South Park

Development

I can hold Grim Fate for about half an hour at a time now which actually makes it practical for fighting. Kenny can hold it for a bit longer since he has a better grasp of it but the gap between us isn't huge. I can also keep up with him in regular combat for at least a couple minutes which I'm pretty proud of.

We decided to not do any vigilante work as with the ads keeping an eye on us, laying low is probably the best thing we can do right now. Overall, things are looking pretty good for me right now and should only get better as the stuff from season 18 is about to start. Breaking Stick of Truth was just the start. We still have plenty of content left to abuse.

I'm currently at my house watching TV with Leslie who I probably hang out with as much as I do with Team Craig now.

"Hey Dovah?

"Yeah Les?"

"You want to sleep over at my place tonight? It's Friday so my parents should be fine with it."

Yes, her parents are ads. Same goes for her little sister. We had Jimmy check them all.

Speaking of the comedian, while we haven't told him that I'm from another timeline where South Park is a TV show, we did let him in on the ad conspiracy as he is the key to stopping it. Timmy got all of us new phones with top tier ad blockers (when I asked how he afforded them, he just said "Timmeh!") so we could text without being spied on. I know Leslie isn't thrilled about it because she's asked about the phone several times since I've gotten it but I just play dumb.

We've also been helping Jimmy train both his ad detection powers and his superspeed which he does in fact have here. While he can't circle the earth in seconds like in his Fractured but Whole Ultimate, he can go over a hundred miles an hour right now and is only getting faster every day through training.

I haven't discovered anyone else in town with superpowers yet but that could change in the future because they could just be lying and hiding said possible powers for reasons only Freeman knows. When I asked Timmy to read their minds to get the truth, he refused since it would be an "invasion of privacy" which is bullshit because he read my mind with zero hesitation but I can't really do anything about it so I chose to just drop the topic for now.

The telepathic cripple hasn't really changed much when it comes to daily life but Kenny on the other hand has changed a ton. Ever since I told him that he would have a much easier time picking up chicks if he actually showed his face, the hoodie on his parka has never gone up past his neck.

He also has been more outgoing and friendly towards others and gives a constant aura of confidence that was hardly ever shown by him in the cartoon show. If anything, he's more like his fanon self than his canon self right now with all the trolling and flirting he does.

We hang out in the open occasionally but with us having different friend groups and responsibilities, there is only so much we can do. Of course, that's only out in the open. We train nearly every night in secret with Timmy and catch up with each other then.

Kenny occasionally has to skip training as some of the adventures he does with Team Stan last multiple days but I can tell he is the most committed out of all of us and that's because of his sister.

If you've seen the show, you know just how important Karen is to Kenny and that protectiveness has only increased now that he knows what's to come. He would choose to die permanently in a heartbeat if it meant saving her.

Karen usually hangs out with Kenny and I whenever we are at Kenny's house and she really enjoys watching me show off my powers. Kenny isn't too thrilled about that but lets it go since it makes her happy.

I also found out that she is good friends with Tricia which has forcefully brought Kenny and Craig together a couple times. Craig can tolerate Kenny much better than the other members of Stan's group and you could even call them friends but not around Craig 'cause that would piss him off to no end.

I found that little tidbit of info out the hard way and got punched and flipped off because of it. No wonder Craig doesn't complain all the time when I hang out with Kenny. He only complains most of the time which is a big step up from most others including Timmy.

Speaking of, I asked him what he could get out of both Freeman's visit and the visions but he just looked at me confused.

"You know, the scene right after I crashed the ship where Freeman and some other guys were and right before nazi zombie Kenny was going to supposedly kill me."

(("I'm afraid I can't find either of those things in your memories, Dovah."))

"...You're joking, right?"

(("I am not but I can sense you are telling the truth. Perhaps there is some higher power preventing me from seeing them. Morgan Freeman is the person most likely responsible for that.")) So then why do I still remember this shit? Just what the hell is Freeman trying to accomplish here?

I decided to just put that on the backburner for now as I don't have any way to understand what I saw. I can't focus on those right now as the show will be starting up soon.

It's the middle of September right now and we're all back in the fourth grade again. The whole "never aging" thing is present here but nobody ever talks about it. Guess I'm staying as a 10 year old forever.

Fun fact about South Park Elementary School: It's a fucking dump. This place is literally falling apart. Kyle should've burned it down when he had the chance in season 11's "The List".

The walls are cracked and filled with holes, the furniture is shit made by the workshop students that are uncomfortable as fuck and fall apart if you wiggle even a little (why do you think I use bone hands for chairs there), and don't even get me started on the bathrooms.

Whoever is doing the safety inspections for this place is more corrupt than the local police force.

Fixing it? With how often this town gets destroyed, the school has zero funds for anything besides crappy repair jobs.

According to Kenny, the current school building is actually one of the better ones. There were times this place didn't even have heating. It was especially awful during winter when the temperature went into the negatives.

(A/N: Kenny dialogue will no longer be in Italics as he will no longer be muffling. The parka is staying down.)

"To keep warm, the school board went with an idea from none other then dear old fucking dad and used toasters instead of heaters. Fucking toasters! The kids had to hold their hands above toasters in a crappy attempt to keep warm! They aren't even the good quality ones either, they're the shit ones that spark when you turn them on."

"Is the situation any better at your place?"

"What do you fucking think?"

We seriously need to find Kenny and Karen a way out of that hellhole they call a house.

As for education, did you know walruses have a penis bone? Yes, this is the typical shit we learn from Garrison. His classes are somehow even less useful than how they're briefly portrayed as on the show.

Pointless facts and conversation starters make up about 90% of the typical school day. Oh and celebrity gossip, you can't forget about that. We do have projects from time to time just to make it look like we actually learn stuff. We don't.

Don't get me wrong, there isn't much I would be able to get out of a regular fourth grade class but this is just fucking concerning, even for South Park standards.

Anyway, the whole startup company thing should be starting up soon so I guess it's time to get back to work. I have big plans for a couple episodes in this season that should give us far more than just a single leg up if everything goes to plan.