How to Survive South Park

The Dark Lord and His Sleep-Deprived Necromancer

First, I need to fool my parents into thinking I'm actually getting some sleep. If only. Second, I have to deal with the gnomes and by that I mean actually make a deal with them. There is no way in hell I'm starting a war with them and going through that terrifying sex scene brawl on my parents' bed. I've been traumatized enough here thank you very much.

I wait patiently for them to come into my room and offer them the location of the largest children's underpants in town in exchange for a few bags of their size altering gnome dust. Have fun going commando, Cartman!

I know it feels like I'm crapping on Cartman a lot but anyone who has seen the show knows that the fat fuck deserves a hundred fold if not more of what I've done to him in the last few days.

I then met up with Timmy at the crash site and spent nearly all night at the ship taking shit out while almost dying several times in the process from things like collapsing ship sections, alien security systems, goo leakages, and the occasional Nazi Zombie. With how dark and eerie it was, I felt like I was in a horror movie half the time. At least we ended up getting plenty out of it.

Guns, shields, turrets, armor, energy saber-esc weapons, and a bunch of other stuff were looted with Timmy's telekinesis and teleportation powers helping tremendously with recovery and transport. We decided to keep all the stuff at Timmy's house since he was confident he could hide it from his parents.

I decide not to touch the ship at the bottom of Stark's Pond for now in case all the space goo gets wiped out when I fart on Kenny later.

Speaking of, we also got plenty of samples of said space goo from the wreckage to study later since besides it turning organic life into Nazi Zombies, it's a fuel source used for space travel so it might come in handy later on.

The raid was a big success but Timmy and I were exhausted afterwards with the former overusing his powers all night and the latter only getting a few hours worth of sleep in the last two days. I was forced to go to Tweek's coffee again to load up since Clyde probably has some stuff for me to do before the final battle.

I don't know how I'm gonna make it through Fractured but Whole without dying from exhaustion at this point. How did the New Kid pull this off in canon? It's day three and I'm already about to fall into a coma. I have to stay up all night tonight too since that's how long the final war took in canon (sun was coming up when the stick was thrown into the lake) and I doubt that will change much now even with the lack of the final boss.

I also had a talk with Timmy about what's happened so far. I feel like I've been screwing up left and right since I got here and it's really been weighing on me lately, what with me almost dying and all. What if things change for the worse because of me? What if I end up screwing everyone over in the end?

I ask Timmy for some advice on how I should start thinking to avoid any more mistakes and he in turn asks me how many things that went wrong were actually mistakes and how many were errors. The reply confuses the fuck out of me and Timmy explains his point.

(("Do you know the difference between an error and a mistake, Dovah? Anyone can make an error Dovahkiin but that error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it. You know one future but your choices are making another. Things could happen that nobody would be able to predict if they were in your shoes. What's important is looking at what's happening now while using the original future as a reference point at most to avoid making as many slip ups as possible."))

What was his superhero description again? Something about limitless intellect trapped in a weak body? Looks like he wasn't bullshitting.

Timmy's speech is still on my mind as I hide in the bathroom. Is being an expert at speeches just an innate talent for all the kids here? I start to ponder the future some more while the Lord of Darkness gets his broke ass kicked.