We were never meant to be

Chapter sixty-six

Aaron
The second I finish the letter, my knees hit the floor. The pain that slams into me it's so powerful, it's a kind of anguish I will never be able to describe with words.
Why would she think all of that? Why would she think she is not enough?
Doesn't she understand I can't live without her?
And then she goes ahead and requests of me to forget her?! To move on?! To love someone else?! More than her?!
Doesn't she understand I don't have eyes for someone else?! Doesn't she realize no one can even come close to her?! No one can compare. She has ruined every standard and any ideals I might have had before her.
I don't think I'm breathing that well. My chest is contracting and no air is getting in. Is this how it will be like everyday without her? My head feels like it's under water.
I've heard people say that love hurts. That love will save you, but it can also kill you. I've never believed that. Until now. I can't breathe, I can't see. I can't feel. I can't live. I don't know how to. I don't know how to live without her. How does one live without his heart? I've learned it's medically impossible. Yet here I am. Alive, but not. Breathing, but not really. How do I get up from the floor? How do I walk?
How do I breathe?
How do I live? How do I wake up in the morning? How do I find my way home? I can't. She is my home. She feels like home. If she's gone, how do I go home? How am I supposed to run around with no home to come back to? At home you feel safe, you feel good, you feel peace. I don't feel safe, I don't feel good, I don't feel peace.
She's here. She's probably playing a prank gone very wrong on me. She has to. Because cheesecake hasn't left me. She's here and we'll go together at school. I'll pick her up with my motorcycle and take her to Fred's. I'll take her to the ocean again. Buy her books and cheesecakes like always. I'll do anything possible to make her laugh, so I can hear that sweet voice of hers.
I'll love her forever, I'll take care of her forever. If she just comes here. If she just comes home to me. To her love. To her home.
She's here. She hasn't left. She can't.
I feel like someone has taken my heart with them and breaking it over and over and over and over again. And I can't do anything, but stand back and watch.
I think I'm dying. This must be death. It really is bitter. I can hear my chest cracking up, I can feel the bitterness on my tongue.
I get up. I try to. The moment I'm standing, my knees give up and I'm on the floor again, but this time I break. Not my heart, because I don't have it. My soul breaks.
I break.
A tear slips and then another one, and another one and oh I don't think they're stopping. I don't think they plan to. I understand I'm crying, I'm shaking. I'm sobbing. I'm shouting. I'm broken.
Something buzzes on my jeans pocket, but I'm too gone to pick it up. It keeps buzzing and buzzing, but I can't move. I can't do anything but mourn.
The buzzing stops and then starts again. I don't know for how long it goes on, I just know I want her back to me. I need her back to me.
Where are you my love? Where did you go? Why did you leave me alone? Why did you leave me high and dry without your sweet love softening my rough sides?
Why isn't she here? Why isn't she smiling at me? Why isn't she shouting at me? She can tell me I'm an idiot, an idiot for loving her, like she always does. And I'll tell her I may be an idiot, but I'm her idiot. I'm hers. She is mine. I don't care. I don't care if that does make me an idiot. I'm an idiot in love. I don't regret it. How can I regret her? She's the best thing that ever happen to me. Why isn't she here? 
I think someone shot me. That's why. That's why I feel a hole in my chest. It's the only explanation.
The buzz isn't stopping. And I think, maybe it's cheesecakes. Maybe she's calling me to tell her that everything is fine and that she's coming back to me. That she changed her mind. That she understood that we can't be apart. That we are never meant to be kept apart.
We are one heart that beats together.
If the halves are apart, how is a heart supposed to beat?
I take my phone out of the pocket with the hope that it's her, but Cory's name flashes in the screen making me furious at him, when he didn't even do anything wrong.
I want to slam the phone in the wall for flashing Cory's name instead of cheesecakes.
I answer the call nonetheless.
"Aaron where the hell were you?! I was worried sick! I called you a million times!" He shouts into the phone.
"I should've seen it Cor. I should've seen it. When she told me that she'd think about us, I should've seen the lie. I should've seen her intention, but I didn't. I didn't and now I've lost her. I've lost her forever and I can't Cor. I can't live without her. I need her like the air I breathe. What am I going to do? It stings in the middle of my chest and it won't go away. It burns. It hurts. Why did she leave me Cor? Why?" I say voice breaking.
"I don't know Aaron. I'm sorry man. I don't know." He whispers in the other end.
"I don't want to live without her Cor. Life without her doesn't seem worth living." I mumble.
"No Aaron! You will find her! We will. I have good news. I think I might've found something to her grandparents house. Just meet me outside the apartment. I'll be there in 5 minutes. The Aaron I know doesn't give up. So stop acting like a depressive crybaby and get up. Nothing was ever done by moping around. Every beautiful love story is painful, so yours has gotta be too, until you go and profess your love to her on the airport gate..." He starts saying some bullshit about romantic movies, which I tune out. Serves me right for answering the call.
Cory may be dumb at love advice, but he's right when he says I need to get myself together. If I want cheesecakes back, I need to stop acting like some helpless sicko. Cory said he had some information. That's where I'll start. I won't let myself fall apart. Not like this. It's too dangerous, too vulnerable.
I'm getting my cheesecakes back and I will not rest. Not until she's on my arms again.
"I'll meet you downstairs." I cut him off from his reflection on love monologue and close the call.
I get up and go to the bathroom to splash my face with cold water. I look like an animal with all this raw emotion displaying on my face for anyone to see.
I'll find her. I will.
I go to take my keys and Kayla's letter. I'll read it over on the plane again. Maybe I missed something before from all the agony hitting me.
I lock the door and go downstairs, when my phone rings again.
"Yeah man." I answer, voice raspy from all the hurt.
"I'm down here. Where are you?" He asks.
"Across the street." I start walking towards him. "Look about the information you said. What was it ab-''
"Aaron look out! Fuck!" That's the last thing I hear before I see the blinding headlights of a car coming right at me. I don't remember anything else after.