We were never meant to be

Chapter fifty-six

Aaron
"Wow, you two look a lot alike." I say assessing the picture in my hand. Kayla's cousin looks a lot like her. Almost like twins.
"I know. That's what everyone used to say too. They would mistake us for siblings or even twins." She explains scooting closer to me in the couch to look over my shoulder and see the picture with me. A whiff of her vanilla scent hits me and I have the urge to bury my head in her neck and breathe her in.
We're currently in my couch at my apartment. I suggested for us to study here and catch up on our studies, since we didn't exactly have the time before with the trial and everything.
We studied for three hours, questioning and answering back and forth, until Kayla decided we need a break, claiming that she wanted to show me something.
It's been three days since she came home from Texas and it's different. She's different.
When I picked her up from the airport on Wednesday, she looked exhausted, yes. But she also seemed lighter, like some burden came off her chest.
I know she told me that she had moved on a long time ago, but I feel like she hadn't let go of everything. Too many situations left unopened, too many decisions left unmade, too many things left undone, too many relationships left opened, and like it or not these circumstances of the past still hold you captive of it. Making her unable to fully let go.
But now that she closed everything with the jackass, read Aaron's letter, got to see Naomi again and spend some time with Uncle Drew, maybe just maybe she will finally completely move on and never look back.
"I'm going to tell you something, but you need to promise me you won't freak out." Kayla says abruptly pulling me out of my thoughts. I instinctively stiffen.
"What is it?" I ask turning to look at her. I expected her expression to be troubled or at least have some drawn eyebrows, but her face doesn't give an expression of discomfort, but one of amusement instead. Now I'm confused, yet I can't help but smile along with her.
"Maybe it's nothing and just a coincidence, but neither of us believes"
"Believes in coincidences." I finish with her. She's hasty in saying it so I press more. "What is it cheesecakes? You're starting to freak me out without even saying it first."
"Sorry! It's just too much of a thing to be nothing." She says frustrated, but her smile is still there.
What the hell is going on?
"Help me out here." I plead placing the little picture on the coffee table in front of me and turning fully at her.
"Okay. Okay. I'll just come out with it." She exhales closing her eyes and then opening them back again, staring right at me.
"Ithinkwe'vemetbeforewhenwewerekids." She says in one breath. I stare at her dumbfounded.
"Cheesecakes I know I usually am able to read you in a sec, but you're giving me no chance here. What the hell did you say? That wasn't even gibberish. It was a whole other language. Do you have your own Kayla language? I wouldn't be surprised if you did. Ryan has one and you're exactly like him. It makes sens-''
"Aaron!" Kayla shouts, laughing in my face.
"What?!"
"You're blabbering! You never blabber." She says, her eyes twinkling with delight.
"Maybe your habits are rubbing off on me now." I tease and she laughs lightheartedly.
"Right." She exhales. "Okay I'll say it for real now." With one last look my way she closes her eyes and says the last words I expected to hear today, or ever. "I think we've met before. When we were kids."
***
"And then he said that he was very mad that he lost you that day, because you might have been the only guy friend he actually had fun with. And to tell you the truth I don't remember all this memory vividly, but I do remember it. It wouldn't be crazy, you know? We lived at the same city all our lives, it's not weird for our paths to have crossed before." She finishes and I'm still struggling to find the words to say something. Since she told me, I've only listened dumbstruck.
"Will you say something please? Now you're the one freaking me out. It could be nothing. It could have been another guy named Aaron, but I was actually kinda hoping it was you. I thought that maybe if you remember it too, then it was really true. Or maybe because everything around seems to bring us together and I thought maybe this too, or maybe it w-''
"Kayla cheesecakes you're the one blabbering now." I say smiling.
"Well you freaked me out!" She shouts pushing my arm away and getting up from the couch. But she doesn't get to go too far, because I grab her from her waist and bring her to my lap.
"Hey!" She yelps as I place her there, her back facing my chest. "Let.Me.Go." She tries to wiggle out of my hold. I bring my mouth to her ear. She stiffens.
"Cheesecakes, if you keep trying to wiggle free of me, while sitting on my lap, I can assure you this won't end the way you think it will." She gasps, but not before she stays as stiff as a board. "That's what I thought." I drawl in her ear.
"You're mean."
"Whatever you say love." I reply before settling Kayla comfortably, so she doesn't actually feel like she has no way out. No matter how much I love to play with her, I'd never keep her against her will. I know what that means to her. I know how much it means to her to have ahold of the situation, to see at least a way out, otherwise she panics.
She sends a thankful look my way, acknowledging the act.
"I'm still mad at you though." She declares loudly. "You didn't even tell me how you feel or what you think about it." Then she pouts whining.
"What do you think I feel?" I taunt putting my arms around her stomach bringing her close to me. She almost never lets me cuddle her so I'm savoring this moment. I never thought I'd be the cuddling type, but I guess she brings out things in me I'd never thought possible.
"If I knew, I wouldn't ask you, you smart-ass." I laugh loudly at that.
"Well Kayla cheesecakes," I say putting my chin on top of her head. I love doing that. I love the way her hair smell. And I am so whipped. Someone help me. "just the thought that I might have met little Kayla, I..." I clear my throat. "I...um...I can't....well. Apparently I can't even explain it." I swallow. Then I grab her by her waist again and put her back in the couch next to me. She looks at me confused. "So yeah just the thought, it's too dangerous for you to be sitting with me or on me," I motion with my hand. I'm so messed up I don't even know what I'm saying at this point. She got me messed up. "So yeah. Stay there. Otherwise I don't know what I'll do." I state putting my hands forward. "Just stay."
Kayla looks at me for a beat then bursts laughing.
"I'm not a dog, you know?"
"What?" I ask unclear.
"You can just say stay once without doing all these motions with your hand and I'll understand." Kayla says accusatively but her expression is amused. "Doesn't mean I'll do it though. Cause I'm not a dog."
Now I can't stop the smile forming on my face.
She says the weirdest stuff sometimes. So random, so out of the conversation. And I don't even know how she comes up with it, I just know I love it.
"So you're not a dog?" I ask. I love entertaining her crazy concepts.
"No. Sorry to disappoint you." She says sarcastically.
"Huh. You had me fooled. All this time I thought you were a dog and now after all these years together, you tell me you aren't. I don't know if I'm okay with that. I think I need some space. Maybe we should brea-'' I am unable to finish that sentence, because a pillow gets thrown my way hitting my head, followed by a victory laugh.
"Ha! That's what you get for making fun of me." Kayla exclaims.
"I wasn't even doing that!" I shout picking up another pillow. "I was just going with your game. But now you started a war." I say before throwing the pillow back at her.
"Ah! Fine by me!" She says ducking and starting to run away. "Loser buys cheesecake!" Kayla shouts laughing.
"Deal!" I say then start chasing her around the apartment. It's not that big of an apartment so we both have to duck from each-other's hits and the furniture around.
We spend the next 15 minutes playing like kids and forgetting about everything else.
By the time we're done Kayla is panting. She goes and slumps on the couch sighing.
"Fine. You win. That's because I let you, but not the point." She would never admit defeat.
"Whatever makes you sleep at night sweetheart." I slump next to her.
"Ugh. What do you want? I'll buy the cheesecakes anyway." She says crossing her arms and facing away. I chuckle, but not before I put my hand under her chin angling her face my way.
"As if I'm ever going to let you pay for anything." That only makes her angrier. She slaps my hand away.
"You should! It's not fair that you pay all the time."
"I want to. It's not something I do out of an obligation. I like buying you stuff or paying for you." I explain.
"That's messed up bro."
"Don't call me bro."
"You should really get checked out."
"Just do it for me. Do it as a favor to me. Let me pay for you always. Grant me this gift."
"That's even more messed up." She keeps saying. "You shouldn-''
The doorbell ringing interrupts her mid-sentence.
We both stare at each-other confused.
"Are you expecting anyone?" Kayla asks me.
"No." I reply. "Are you expecting anyone?" She draws her eyebrows as if I asked her what color are her hair.
"No. Why would I be expecting someone on your apartment?" She questions me as if I'm the dumbest person on the planet.
"Maybe because everyone knows that you practically live here now." I say and she just scoffs.
"I don't live here."
"Hence the 'practically'." I motion with my hands.
The doorbell rings again making us turn to look at the door.
"Maybe we need to answer the door." Kayla thinks out loud.
"Maybe." I agree.
We stay quiet for a beat then the doorbell rings twice this time.
"Go answer it!" Kayla says.
"Me?!"
"Well who me?! You're the owner of this apartment." She hisses at me.
"Technically, dad is the owner of this apartment. He bought it for Ryan eight years ago."
"Not the point dude."
"Do not call me dude, I mean it." I point a finger at her.
"Do not point fingers at me."
The doorbell rings twice again and then a muffled voice comes shouting from the other side of the door.
"K?! Little Shit?! I know you're in there! If you would take a minute and stop making out, you would listen to the freaking doorbell ringing!" Ryan shouts loudly enough.
"BB?!" Kayla asks confused. "What are you doing here?" She shouts at the door. "What is he doing here?" She turns to me.
"How am I supposed to know smart-ass?" I taunt. She just glares at me.
"Stop thrusting each-other's tongues down each-other's throats and open the damn door!" He shouts again. I groan in frustration and get up to open the door.
Once I open it I stay in the doorway not letting him in yet.
"Stop being so damn graphic! You just have to describe everything thoroughly." I snap at him.
"Why won't you let me in?" He completely ignores my pleas. "Is Kayla naked?"
"No!" Comes a shout from Kayla behind me.
"You really need to stop with this shit man.
You're my brother. It's disgusting." I say still not letting him in.
"Oh for Pete's sake, let me in. This apartment was originally bought for me, so move your ass." He states and then proceeds to push me away walking right in.
"Please by all means." I say before slamming the door and turning to him.
"K's not naked. Why would you keep me in the doorway you weirdo?"
"I never said she was." I say putting my hands on my waist.
"Why would I be naked?" Kayla asks from the couch.
"Why is this even a discussion?" I groan in annoyance.
"Because you guys can't keep your hands off each-other. It's way too obvious and disgusting." Ryan answers ignoring me again.
"Says the guy obsessed with his girlfriend." I shoot at him.
"Says the guy obsessed with the girl who's not his girlfriend." He shoots right back. I clamp my mouth shut.
"You walked right in on that." Kayla points. I glare at her.
"Whose side are you on?" I ask pissed.
"BB's. Always BB's. What kind of question even is that?" She so obviously asks like I'm the dumbest one for not understanding it. Maybe I am.
"Aww K!" He goes to high-five her. "I missed you." She high-fives him right back.
"I missed you too BB!"
"You guys literally saw each-other two weeks ago." I point annoyed that she shows more affection towards my brother than me.
"Exactly. That's 20140 minutes ago. Too much." Ryan whines.
"20160 minutes." I correct him, but he doesn't even seem to be hearing me. Too caught up on pissing me off. "What are you even doing here?" I ask addressing the real matter at hand.
He freezes at my question.
"Oh yeah. Why are you here?" Kayla too asks. "Don't get me wrong it's great that you're here."
"It's not. He ruined our moment." I cut in.
"We weren't having a moment you freak. We were bickering." Kayla bites at me. I think she's still angry at me for wanting to pay stuff for her.
"Exactly. A moment." I say. She glares at me before turning to Ryan.
"But why?"
I expected him to stretch this a bit. Make it more dramatic or I don't know, Ryan-like, but he shocks me by just coming out with it, waisting no time. That tells me he's serious about it.
"I'm going to propose to Kony and I need your help."
We don't say anything or move for the next 20 seconds. Then...
"Oh my God!" Kayla exclaims in happiness. "Oh my God! You're proposing to my best friend! Oh my God!" She shouts. I join her.
"Dude that's huge! I'm so happy for you." I say smiling big.
Kayla jumps to hug him.
"I'm gonna help you with everything! Anything you need! Ha! I can't believe BB is going to propose to Konyushka! Oh my God!" She keeps saying that for the next 10 minutes.
Ryan just hugs her back smiling and laughing along with her.
A pang of jealousy shoots through me and one of guilt right behind it.
Don't get me wrong I love my brother and Kony. I'm so glad she'll finally be my sister-in-law. And I am so happy about both of them. Sincerely. They deserve all the happiness of this world. But I can't help but wonder if I'll ever have the same. If she'll ever change her mind. Because if it's not with her then I don't want it.
And I guess I'm a little jealous at my brother. Just the thought makes me want to punch myself in the face. But, sometimes I think he had it so easy. Or at least easier than me. He doesn't have to lie awake all night wondering if he'll have a future with the women he loves. He doesn't hold himself back on saying I love you to the love of his life. Not like I do every damn day. He doesn't live with the fear that the person you love most in this world, will slip right through your fingers, without you even knowing it until it's too late.
And I hate myself for even feeling jealous about my brother. I feel guilty I even think this. I would never want him to be on my place. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, not even to my worst enemy, let alone my brother. This pain is pure torment.
I guess I just wish I had what he has. Or at least the assurance that I will have it one day. I'd go through all of the pain and torture twice, if I knew I would really have her one day and not just hope and pray about it. But really knowing.
"Okayy!! So tell us the plan then! What are your thoughts?! Will you do it on a beautiful beach while the sun sets or will you do it in a beautiful hill while the sun rises?" Kayla jumping up and down giving my brother options pulls me out of my disturbing thoughts. "Oh my God! Don't tell me you rented a freaking hot air balloon, cause I will cry from the actual sweetness." Kayla sighs. And then as if she remembered something she straightens up and shakes her head no. "Actually if you've done that cancel it. Kony's afraid of heights. She would pass out before you even have the chance to get down on one knee." She clasps her hands together. "So what have you organized?"
"Well-''
"Wait!" I cut them off. They both turn on their heels and face me.
"What?"
"Before we start planning all of that," I motion with my hand at Ryan. "I need to ask you something."
"Sup?" He says. Okay here goes.
"Do you remember my first crush? That girl at the park? What was the story behind that? I remember it vaguely." Ryan's shocked face tells me he did not expect this question at all. He answers nonetheless, Kayla listening to him attentively.
"Well yeah. It was your first and only crush. Until Kayla came along that is." I glare at him. He loves slipping these taunts about Kayla. "Oh come on dude, as if we don't know." I still glare at him. He ignores me as per usual. "Anyway, we were at the central Huston park. I was 12 and you were 8. Mom and dad were somewhere nearby, but they told me to look after you in case you slip out of their sight." Ryan runs a hand through his brown hair. "Then I had to go for a pee-pee. Nature calls, you know. So I went somewhere with dad and mom was left watching you. When I came back, you were running towards me so fast, I thought oh boy he's going to knock us out. But then you stopped and you were panting like crazy and you said to me: 'Ryann, I just met the most beautiful girl in the whole world. She's with her cousin and guess what?! His name is Aaron too! How funny is that?!'. And so then I asked you what her name was and you told me that you didn't ask her, because you got distracted by how beautiful she was, big on words since he was a kid," Ryan whispers to Kayla before going on. "and then you grabbed me by my hand and before I know it, we were running towards them, but when we got there, they had left and we never got to saw them again. You got so sad, you nearly started crying right there and then. I had never seen him so excited about something. For real. He didn't talk much as a kid, not that he does now, you know?" He says to Kayla again. "But that day and the next two months he couldn't stop talking about her. And how much fun he had with her cousin too. He would wonder about them so much that I felt bad we lost them that day. Mom and dad would just laugh and tease him about her. Until one day he just stopped. I don't know what snapped in his genius brain, but he didn't mention her again." Ryan sighs looking somewhere pointless as if recalling a tragic story. "Who knows where she is now. I was always curious to meet her. Maybe she's a bitch now or maybe she's an angel or maybe she's both. I guess we'll never know." He keeps saying some philosophical bullshit, but neither me nor Kayla is hearing them. We just stare at each-other like two idiots in love, which we are, but that doesn't stop that feeling in my chest to intensify or Kayla's tears welling up.
One moment she's shaking her head on how can this be possible and the next she lets out a chocked laugh/cry and then she's running towards me, while I'm right there open armed for her.
I pick her up holding her close to me. My cheesecakes, my love, my heart and soul, my everything.
"Umm, what the hell is going on?" Ryan asks having stopped his monologue.
"Take a wild guess." I mumble still holding Kayla close to me.
1 2 3...
"Oh shit." There it is. "It was Kayla!"
It will always be Kayla.