We were never meant to be

Chapter twenty-one

Kayla
"I was 14 when I broke all 10 fingers and both arms." Aaron says and my breath gets caught. He's sharing something with me too. "I um."
He clears his throat and starts again. "I was on my bike that day. I had a really bad day at school. The teacher hated me, because I was smarter than most kids. I caught a mistake on his math problem and he punished me for it, humiliated me in front of the whole class. I was angry and after school I got my bike and went for a ride." He says inhaling. "Back then I used to love playing the guitar, I still do. It was like an escape for me, when reality got too awful to handle. And so I would play every chance I get, until I couldn't anymore." He whispers and my heart breaks. His eyes tell a broken story, even though his voice is firm and steady.
"I shouldn't have gone that fast that day. Mom and dad would always tell me to be careful on that hill. Let's just say it was not a small hill." He takes another breath and I can't do this anymore, I can't watch him in this pain.
"Aaron, you don't have to tell me." And he shakes his head.
"I don't mind saying it to you. I trust you more than I trust myself. I want you to know." And I nod, not interrupting him anymore.
"As I was driving down, the speed was increasing, not only by the road, but also by me. I was a stupid teenager, wanted to blow off some steam. I was always careful there, but this time I didn't care. I only wanted to keep moving, more speed, more adrenaline. I was too in over my head and I didn't see it. I didn't see the squirrel. I tried to deviate, next thing I know, I'm in air. I don't where the bike tripped, I just know one minute I was in the ground biking, the next I was in the air, having not an ounce of control on the brakes." He says and I'm pretty sure I'm shaking. "There was a rock there, a big one. I didn't have my helmet on, so in the hopes of trying to save my head and not get it blown out, I put my arms over it and bend my head down." A tear slips from my eye. "My knees somehow got away unscathed, they both landed on the grass. I had no idea where the bike had gone, but both my arms and all my fingers crushed with the rock." A strangled sound left me and I couldn't believe my ears. "The doctors said I was lucky to be alive. If I had hit my head I would have died on the spot."
"Aaron."
"My parents were so thankful. They knew God saved me, they knew He was the one who made sure, I got out of there alive. But for a long time I didn't feel lucky. The bones on my finger were crushed so bad, the first year, I couldn't even hold anything. Let alone play the guitar. The next two years, things got better, I could write again, hold everything, even ride the bike, or help dad to fix stuff. Yet every time I reached for my guitar, my fingers couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do the one thing that made me happy. The one thing that brought me peace." He takes another breath and for his sake, I hope he stops. "I used to play worship songs, my own compositions, different songs. I used to stay hours just playing. Doing nothing else." He closes his eyes and keeps going. "I couldn't understand why. Why had I been so stupid, why had I gone without a helmet on, why had I gone so fast. And yet I knew the answer. I didn't care. At that moment, I didn't care about anything. I was angry at my teacher, at myself, at everything. It's like I asked for it. I quite literally asked for that accident." He whispers and I take a ragged breath and speak.
"No one asks for something like that Aaron. You were just a kid." I say and he shakes his head.
"That's the thing. For two years and a half, I was someone else, I wasn't a kid. Mad at everyone, mad at God, but mostly mad at myself for being so stupidly reckless." He stops and for a moment I think he finished, but then he starts again. "Ryan was so done with me. Can you imagine? Ryan? He would come home from Boston to visit and he was so full with my bullshit. And so one day he took me and brought me here. Told me to shut up and to only listen. He said: 'I don't know what the hell is wrong with you anymore man. You're not this. You're not this grumpy, this idiot, this awful person. This is not my little brother. And I want him back. Right this second. Yeah shit happens, it doesn't happen only to you, it happens to everyone. And we deal with it. So deal with it. Because that's how it works. You have a beautiful family. You have a great life. Everything someone your age needs. You have food, clothes, a home, an education, a place to sleep in, people who love you. But most importantly, you have God. And there's a reason why He let all of this happen. And I trust Him. Now you should too. Get your shit together. There are people out there who have it ten times worse than you and they are more thankful than you could ever know. And you're acting like a little shit, when a million other things could have happen. You could have been paralyzed. You could have died Aaron. But He didn't let that happen. He protected you. Because He wants you here, for a reason. What that reason is? I don't know. That's for you to find out. So now stop destroying your life and everyone's around you and Come.Back.' And so I did. That day I told Ryan to leave me here, that I would come back alone. And I figured everything out. I talked with God, I cried, I grieved my old self, and prayed to get him back. And from that day forward I changed. Not only was I back, but I was better. I apologized to Ryan, to my parents, to everyone. And I did better. I felt better. I promised God and myself that I would never, ever again give up. Give up on Him, on me, on the people around me, on life. And I haven't broken that promise. I never intend to.  I came back that day, the best version of myself and I never looked back." He says and let's out a deep breath. Me on the other hand, I have been crying for the past 10 minutes.
"I don't know why I remember Ryan's speech that good. But it probably has to do with the fact that he spoke to me. This me. Not the person I was that day. And it lingered." He looks at me and pouts. "Cheesecakes, why are you crying? I'm fine now. It was a long time ago. Please don't cry for me. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth your beautiful tears." He says and I want to hit him.
"You most definitely are. And I'm crying, because that was a very touching story and that you are so strong. I hate what it did to you, but I love what you made out of it." I say sniffing. "What about the guitar?" I ask.
"I still can't play. I try once in a while. I tried last week, but the bones were too crushed for my fingers to ever play again. You need steady ones. They get tired very fast and they hurt, when I force them too much. It's one of the reasons why I also never became a doctor." He says and my heart is shattered.
"Oh Aaron. You are the most precious human being. And I think you are amazing for who you've become and for what you've overcome." I say and he shakes his head.
"It wasn't me cheesecakes. It was Him."