We were never meant to be

Chapter sixty-three

Kayla
The moment the door silds shut behind me, a choking sob escapes my lips.
I lied to him. I lied straight to his face and I deserve to be in hell.
The person who loves me most in this world, the person I do not deserve with any fiber of my being, the one who stayed by my side this whole time, patient, loving, caring, the most amazing human being. I lied to him and I didn't even bat an eyelid.
He will hate me now. Once he learns what I will do, he will hate me with a burning passion, one which I can't bear see in his eyes. All his love for me will turn into pure hatred.
And that's good. That should happen. He should hate me rather than cry for me. He should move on. He needs to. He will. Once I'm out of his life forever, he will. He'll fine a nice woman, a nice girl, kind, one who doesn't lie to his face, one who can provide him a happy life and he will move on and forget about me. He'll see that I was right. One day he will understand why I did all of this and maybe just maybe he'll forgive me, but now I need to save him from me. And the only way I know how to do that is by leaving.
***
I don't have any time to lose. I need to get my stuff and disappear before it's too late. Before someone discovers my intentions.
Everyone will hate me. Yet I need to do this.
I'll explain it to him. I'll explain everything, but first I need to move and fast.
I go to my old childhood room and pick up all the things I need or might need. Anything I can think of with the pressure weighing on my heart.
I take the suitcase I brought from Boston and put there all the clothes and things I want with me. I leave my cousin's letter, but I take our picture. I take Aaron's poem, but I leave his hat. I take his hoodie though, the one he gave me.
He may need to forget me, but I can't forget him. I won't. He's the only guy I'm in love with and he will always be the only one. I can't be the same to him.
I change quickly into some comfortable clothes. I leave the heels and the dress on the bed. I don't think I will be needing them anymore. I tie my longer hair now up and wash my face from all the makeup. I put an old hat of mine on and grab some pack of cookies on my way out. I might need them on the plane, but the way I see it, I won't be able to eat for a long time.
Oh my God what am I doing? Am I really doing this? Am I really leaving everyone? Am I really leaving him? It hurts too much damn it and it doesn't feel right. None of this does. And I just want to curl up on my bed and cry. Fade away from this world who has taken too much from me, still is.
But I don't have time. I don't have time to dwell on what I'm doing. I don't have time to cry now. I'll cry later. I don't have time to spend, because otherwise I will change my mind.
If I look at him again I'll stay. I know it. My heart can handle so much, but when it comes to him it's weak, delicate. If I see him again I won't be able to tear myself away for a second time, so I need to move my feet.
I'm taking dad's car to drive to the airport. A flight to Boston takes four hours, so I'm hoping I'll be there by 10am. Max 11. Aaron will probably come looking at 12 or 1 even. By that time I hope I have gathered my stuff in Boston too and have taken the next plane. God this is a mess, but I need to focus. I can do this. I can save him. I have to.
So I pick up my dad's car keys and leave a note to my parents before going.
I have to go and I can't explain why or where yet. Just now that I'm safe and sound. I love you so much, you have been the best family I could have ever hoped for, but I have to do this for the person I love. When Aaron comes looking for me tomorrow, please please stall him as much as you can. Please ma. Please dad. Please Ad. Please. I will be fine I promise. I will text you after a month when I know it's okay for me to do so. Until then I'll be safe. Don't worry. Do not call the cops to find me or do anything crazy. I am of sound and mind. No one is threatening me, no is kidnapping me. I just need to do this for him. Please you guys. Please do this last thing for me.
I love you with all my heart and forgive me for this.
                                                                      ~K
I wipe the tears that are rushing down and I put the note on mom's coffee pot. When I know she will find it tomorrow when she drinks coffee and not any sooner.
I take one last look at my house, at the place I grew up with, and that overwhelming feeling hits me like always. I wish I could hug my parents, my family and my friends one last time. I don't know when I'll see them again. I'll miss them so much.
I wish I could hug Aaron one more time. I already miss him.
And then just like that I close the front door before I burst through my parents room and scream at them to help me. To make sense of what's happening. Apparently no matter how old you get, you will always need your mom and dad.
I throw the suitcase in the car and go to open the driver's door, when a voice stops me.
"Where are you going?" I suck in a deep breath and turn to face my little brother, trying to mask my instability. He's wearing his pjs and his shoes are halfway worn as if he rushed to get to me before I left.
"Addie. What are you doing here?" I ask him ignoring his question.
"I heard the front door opening and closing. And then I saw you out the window here and I came." He explains.
"Oh." Is all I say. I check the time and if I'm not at the airport in half an hour, I'm pretty sure I'm screwed.
"So where are you going in 5:30am?" He asks skeptical. "And why do you keep checking the time?" God this dude is restless.
"I um am going to Annie's. She uh wants me to stay with her tonight or today actually, because it's her first time alone with Kony really being gone and you know. She doesn't want to be alone and feel her sister's absence. Okay? Good? Okay see you later." What I really want to say is: 'Can I hug you one last time?' But I can't look suspicious and I really have to go, so that's why I reach for the car door handle.
"Not so fast big sis. What's with the suitcase? And why do you need a car to go to Annie's?" Well busted. The Carters live two blocks away. Why would I need a car or a suitcase?
"Well it's still dark outside, I don't want to walk alone you know." I hate that I'm using my rape card now. That's not fair to him. He softens a bit.
"And the suitcase?" He asks. I resist the urge to groan in frustration.
"Well I um need the stuff in there and to bring some stuff of Kony's to Annie. So big suitcase." I fake smile gesturing with my hands at the suitcase behind me. "Can I go now Mr. Police or do you need to interrogate me furthermore?" I joke lightly trying to sound like my normal self and not escaping-fugitive Kayla, but I do hear the edge on my voice.
Addie just stares at me for two good minutes, which I don't have the luxury of and then sighs.
"What's really going on Kayl?" He asks vulnerable and my heart shatters in a million pieces. "And don't say some other bullshit about Annie and her needing you. I know for a fact that you're not going to Annie, because she is still back at the hotel closing errands. I heard you fighting with Aaron for a bit, but I don't know what happened then, because I left. I didn't want to intrude on your privacy, but with as much as I heard, I'm on Aaron's side by the way." He takes one good look at me and then adds. "And what's with the hat and puffy eyes? The suitcase? The car? The checking the time constantly like you need to go defuse a clocking bomb? What the hell is going on?" He finally finishes, kinda pissed at me for lying to him. Well join the club little bro, I am also pissed at me.
I run my hand through my face and sigh. Then I look up at him to give him a truthful answer. He deserves it. And yeah he's way taller than me now so I have to look up at him.
"Come on. I'm going to explain everything on the way." I say and open the car door.
"Where are we going?" He asks walking to the other side of the car.
"The airport."
***
"You will what?!" Addie shouts at me from his passenger seat.
"Do not yell at me while I'm driving!" I shout back.
"Are you kidding me? You can't do this Kayl. He will be destroyed. He will literally die. I'm not even joking. Let alone that mom and dad will freak out. That stupid note you've left will do nothing to ease their worry." Addie says very reasonably. I huff annoyed while I take a turn with the car, pressing harder on the gas. I need to be there in 9 minutes.
"You're right." I sigh. "This will destroy them, which is why you're going to help me ease their worry. As for Aaron stop being dramatic. He'll be better off without me." I order him. He turns to look at me like I've lost my mind. Maybe I have.
"Dramatic?! No Kayl that's your job, which surprises me that you're not doing it. Thinking he'll take it easy once he learns what stupidity you're doing. He's going to flip out!" He yells again and I've had it.
"Will you concentrate?! Aaron will recover! He'll manage. He has to! Now you," I point at him with one hand, while driving with the other. "will help me out!" I shout putting my hand back to the wheel.
"Why did I let you drive?" Murmurs Addie. "Aaron warned me to never let you drive when angry. Should've listen." I just glare at him in return. "Look, I am not helping you disappear. I will not be a pawn on your game. Everyone will kill me." He says swallowing the lump in his throat.
"Well too bad. You already became a pawn on my game the minute you attacked me with a million questions. Now listen to me and carefully." I instruct him. "First take my phone," I throw the phone on his lap. "and delete any social media I have. Then block Aaron on every platform or app, I don't know, whatever app you find there, make sure Aaron has no way to find me. And then do it to everyone else too. He's going to try on other people's phones." I apprise him.
"Oh God what did I get myself into?!" Whines Addie.
"You have no idea little bro."
***
"Okay? Good. Now tell it all back to me." I order him. We're right outside the plane gate I'm about to board. That's right, I somehow made it on time.
"I drive dad's car back home. I take the note out of mom's mug. I go in bed like this never happened, but I'm actually awake waiting for either mom or dad to wake up. When they do, I make sure they don't enter your room for as long as possible and then when I can't no more, I show them the note. I explain to them why you're doing this and tell them how I helped you involuntarily come here, as to assure them that you're safe. And last to convince them to hold Aaron off as much as possible, until he figures out that you're gone. Once he does, I tell him to go to his apartment in Boston, because a letter is waiting for him there. How's that for a brother hostage?" He taunts.
"Good very good. You're hostage no more now. Free to go." I sound way more steady than I feel. He just looks at me disappointed. And the sight is like a knife in the chest.
"Be safe Kayl. I wish you wouldn't do this, but I can't force you to change your mind. Even though I think you're nuts for doing it." He sighs resigned.
"You'll understand when you're in love." I reply to him and something flashes in his eyes, but it's too quick for me to decipher. Does he have someone?
"Are you sure you can't tell me where you're going after Boston?" He asks me for the one hundredth time.
"Yes I'm sure. I don't want you to have the burden of my location. You will lie to Aaron, but only for a short period of time. Then you're telling him everything. But if you know where I am, you'll have to lie to him constantly and you won't ever be able to tell him. That's a burden of mine I don't want you to carry Ad. Plus, something tells me that Aaron may convince you to give up my location, which I clearly can't afford, so it's better if you don't know." I fully explain to him as he nods at me.
"Yeah okay. Just be safe." He whispers not meeting my eyes.
"Hey look at me." I mumble. "Look at me Ad." He finally does connecting his big brown eyes with my green ones. He has mom's eyes, while I have my dad's. "I'm your big sis. I've been through hell and back. I can do this. I'll be fine. I am fine. Okay? You keep living your life and I promise I'll come to meet you someday soon, secretly, but I will." I say tearing up.
"You promise?" He asks unsure.
"I promise." I whisper.
"I love you Kayl." He mumbles before hugging me tight. I wrap my hands around him and hug him back. I hug him like I'll never see him again, like I know it's a one-way trip. I bite my lip to suppress my urge to cry. He can't see me fall apart. I can't fall apart. Not yet.
"I love you too little bro." I whisper in his hair. And then the last call of my flight booms throughout the airport making us pull back. I kiss his cheek and then smile up at him. He's still wearing his pjs and standing in a middle of an airport with untied shoe laces. "Thank you for everything Ad. Listen to mom and dad and God. Don't do anything stupid. That's my job." I tease and he chuckles. Good.
I squeeze his cheek one last time and then I turn to walk away, before I do something stupid like change my mind. While I'm halfway gone, Addie's voice calls me out again.
"Kayl?"
"Yes?" I turn.
"You can't just go on in life with fine. You'll never be happy if you go through with this." He says.
I gather up all the forces I have left and give him the biggest smile I can muster.
"Goodbye Ad." I say before I walk away to never be seen again.
He thinks I'm not aware of that. He thinks I don't understand what I'm doing. But I am very scarily aware of my actions. I know that once I do go through with this, there is no turning back. I'll lose Aaron and everything good I have.
But if I have to choose between his happiness and mine, I don't even have to think about it. I'll choose his every time.
No matter how much she tried to hide it for my sake. It will always haunt me.
The words of the old man ring loud in my head again and somehow I've never been surer of a decision.
I just hope my people forgive me one day.