[40] Turn Over A New Leaf

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You lifted an eyebrow at the taller boy who just so happened to appear in front of you—not as in magically appeared, but more so he showed up at the same time you did. "What a coincidence, Draken-san."

"Even after a year, it's still strange just bumping into you when I least expect it." He shook the bouquet of roses he had in his hands, "Guessing you're here to do the same thing? Why the two bouquets?

"It's for two people. Well, want to go to her first?" Draken nodded and walked into the cemetery first, you following behind him. "How have you been?"

"...Not too good, if I'm being honest. I come out here everyday, just to talk to her."

"Yeah." You weren't surprised he felt this way; the love of his life passed away. You were still trying to get over your own personal problems... yet he looked much better than you did. It was such a shame for you. That is, you never got to see Emma for the last time. You were still in hospital when her funeral was held. You regretted not being there, even if it was out of your hand.

The two of you stopped at the Sano family grave—it was full of different types of flowers, some were even in the ground because of how full it was. Draken took a seat in front of it, leaving some room for you to join him. Once you got comfortable on the ground, you placed your flowers on top of everything else.

You took a glance over at Draken, he had already immersed himself in prayer. You turned towards the grave and clapped your hands together, giving a prayer to Emma, and then Shinichirō as well.

When you opened your eyes after finishing, you noticed that Draken was still praying. You decided to just sit in silence as he continued.

This situation really made your heart hurt. You knew how much they loved one another; they even trusted you with their feelings. Maybe... you should've given them a push. But, it was too late. You genuinely wanted to know how the boy beside you was feeling. Was he like Mikey? Did he feel like he didn't know where to go next?

"...I regret not confessing when I had the chance." Draken stared straight at the grave, "I regret taking her for granted. But, Emma... she shouldn't want me talking like this." The male lifted out his arms and stretched his back.

"Then, I regret not telling Emma that you loved her. I regret not calling her 'Emma-chan.' I regret not seeing her for the last time. I reg–"

"[last name]." You felt his hand on top of your head, "This isn't a competition. We all have regrets, but what can we do now? All we can do is try to live on without them... You crying?"

"No... I'm not crying."

"How can you say that when you're clearly crying like that?" Draken sighed, but handed you a tissue from his pocket. "You don't need to hold anything of your feelings back. We've all felt like this one way or another." You blew your nose and wiped away the tears that were running down your cheeks.

You didn't expect to cry out of nowhere; all the emotions you had hidden within you just burst out for some reason. "...Sorry, Draken-san. For crying, I mean." He shook his head and told you to not worry about it. "Can I ask you something? Though, I'm not sure if you'd be willing to tell me."

"At this point, it doesn't really matter. I end up telling you everything anyway. What is it?"

"Just... how are you dealing with the loss of Emma-chan? You're still carrying out your daily chores, you seem to be doing fine—I know you said you weren't—but, what I'm trying to say is... How do you look so okay?" Draken blinked at your inquiry. It wasn't a strange question or anything, it was more so random.

He hummed in thought; how would he be able to reply in a coherent way? Draken stayed quiet for a minute before opening his mouth. "It's this mentality. I know Emma wouldn't want me to feel so depressed. I can see her now; she's punching me with that stupid grin of hers, telling me cheer up. I can't stay like this forever, you know?"

"You're very strong, Draken-san. I've never been able to move on from my brother's death, and it's been years. Yet, you can put on a brave face and move on... I envy you."

"I think you might have the wrong perspective about what moving on means, [last name]. Moving on isn't about forgetting who the person was, what they meant to you, or dismissing your memories with them. It's about acknowledging that they were there in your life and how that person shaped you." Draken was completely correct—you had a different meaning of what 'moving on' meant.

For years now, you were afraid to continue on with life. You were filled with guilt and remorse. You had thought that moving on was about just going on in life and forgetting who Kazuya was; continuing on with your life as if nothing had happened in the first place.

"You don't want to be stuck in that mindset, if I'm being blunt." He scratched his head a few times, "It'll keep you thinking about what you did wrong, or any potential actions you could have taken in the past to prevent their death. But doing that... it just leads to even more sadness, don't you think?" You nodded.

He continued, "You can always step forward in your own life, it's only a matter of whether you're willing to take that extra step. No one, but yourself can do that."

"...Hm." Draken glanced down at you to see if his words actually meant something to you. Fortunately, it seems like it did. You looked to be in deep concentration—thinking about your future, perhaps? He could only hope that he was able to change your thoughts on this. He learned it the hard way... and he just wanted to help you out too.

"[last name]." Draken's voice snapped you out of thinking, "Did you want to visit the other person? You have another bouquet."

"...Yeah, I'll go now."

"Hold on, I'll walk you there." Draken stood up right after you and followed you towards the next location. The other grave was on the other side of the cemetery, so it was a bit of a walk, but it was pleasant to stroll in the quiet area. "I'm guessing... your brother?"

"Yes, I try to make daily rounds when I can." And after the two of you did the whole prayer routine, you just began to chat to him about the ups and downs of life. To which, he agreed that life wasn't fair. But that's just what it was—if it went the way you expected, your life would somehow just crumble on the way.

"[last name], I'm not gonna tell you to move on." He stood up and leaned down a bit to pat your head, "But know that your brother will always be with you, no matter what. If you move on, he won't be mad." You smiled at his attempt to cheer you up. "I'm gonna go back to Emma... I'll see you around though."

"Thank you, Draken-san."

Stage 7: complete!

word count—1259
this is probably my favourite chapter in this book.

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