abnormal tragedy

Chapter 42: better if you go

Two days went past, you would think that everything was cool between Rowan and Legolas. Yet that isn't the case. Rowan was prone to over-thinking, it was something that she had got from her mother when she was born. She over thought everything from what she was going to wear, to what her friends thought about her to her feelings for Legolas. They couldn't be together. She knew it, everyone knew it. Though people wanted them to be together.

She and Éowyn were folding clothes in an old basement of the Hall of Rohan. They were giggling and laughing to themselves, until Legolas walked in. Éowyn could immediately sense the tension so she collected her pile and excused herself.

Rowan felt his hand on her cheek, making her look up, and when their eyes met, she thought he would kiss her again. Rowan sure wanted too. And then she mentally shamed herself for it. She had to know. She needed it all cleared out. He was still so close to her. Rowan still wanted to kiss him. ''Legolas-'' She started but he interrupted, ''I have to tell you something.'' It almost startled her. ''Uh- Alright.'' He pulled away and stood up. Before long, he was pacing around the room. ''Well? Legolas?''

''I am trying to think of the best way to say it.''

''Just say it.''

''If I just say it, then-''

''Just say it.'' He stopped.

''What happened two days ago,'' he started, and Rowan felt heat overwhelming her, ''was... beautiful. It was the most beautiful night of my life.'' Her heart started beating faster, her breathing irregular. ''I do not know how it came to this. I have cared for you... for months, but never- not like this.'' He was pacing again. Rowan felt almost dizzy. ''I do not know when things changed. I do not- I was confused. At first I thought nothing of it, but then it started seeming odd, and I was- I did not understand these feelings at all. But now- now I do. I think I do.''

''Legolas-''

''Gin melin. (I love you.)'' He stopped in place again.

''Legolas, I-'' Rowan started. ''You do not have to say anything,'' he argued in defeat. ''No. No, I am just- overwhelmed, I-'' She had fantasised a bit about it, but not like this, never about this in her wildest dreams! Love? How was it even possible? Why her? One so old yet so innocent when it comes to love - Legolas who has never had anyone in his life - has chosen her to love? ''I am trying to make sense of it,'' Rowan said, feeling suddenly tired as though carrying the entire world on her shoulders. He looked at her with guilt. ''Will you please sit next to me?'' Rowan asked. He obeyed. ''I don't understand,'' she whispered. ''What is there to understand?''

''First of all, why me?'' Rowan asked. ''Why not you?'' Legolas interjected. ''For many a reason! I have so- so much carrying around within me. I am nothing like someone an Elven prince should- should feel for. Why me?''

''Why are you asking me this?''

''Do you know who I am? I am not who you should want. I am not someone an Elven prince should want. I have killed. I have been almost killed millions of times. I'm a ranger of the North, Aragorn's younger sister.. I'm a nobody compared to you." Rowan almost cried. "I have hated more than I have loved. I am scarred beyond repair. You do not want me... you should not want me!'' Rowan shouted as she stood up and paced the room with her hands to her head. ''But I do. I cannot help it,'' he said, his voice too calm to match the lines between his brows. Rowan shook her head and tried not to cry. Not again. ''I don't know who you are,'' he continued, ''And I probably never will. But I know who you are when you are with me. And that is good enough.'' Rowan shook her head, denying, wanting everything to disappear, wanting none of their feelings to ever have been born.

''You are making me angry,'' he said, ''I do not care anymore whether you care for me the way I care for you. I do not care what happens next. What I care about is you understanding that all these things you've told me are precisely the reasons why.'' Rowan looked up to meet his eyes. She had never seen him look so serious, so angry and also eager - eager to make her understand. She bit her lip. She would not let it tremble. ''No,'' Rowan shook her head. ''I should not have burdened you with this. I will leave you then. You should rest some more. I am sorry-''

''No, Legolas, wait,'' Rowan pulled him back onto the bed, ''Before you go- you have forgotten. How could you have forgotten the most important thing?'' Rowan questioned. ''I haven't.''

''I am no Elf.'' Rowan said sterner than she intended too. ''I know.'' the elf replied looking down. ''I will perish and you will linger on-''

''-Don't say it,'' he argued, ''Why think of it now?''

''What else is there?''

''You are telling me what I already know. The knowledge of it pains me more than anything. I know. But it doesn't change how I feel.'' Legolas argued. ''We cannot- We cannot be.'' Rowan cried as she shook her head. ''We-'' He started. ''And you can have any beautiful Elf maiden in the world! Just think- Think of your father-'' Before she could finish Legolas interrupted her again. ''I care not. I don't want any other. I love you.'' Legolas shouted. Rowan's breath hitched. It was even more overwhelming hearing it in Common Tongue. "This is for your own good. I think it's best if you forget about me." Rowan whispered before she continued, "I think you should go.." He looked so torn, he did not know what to feel. His face did not know what to show. Rowan had caused so much. She hated it. "God, I wish that you could have thought this through before I went and fell in love with you." He cried.

''I am sorry,'' she said as Legolas stormed out of the room. Rowan then collapsed on her bed bursting into a flood of tears. "It's for his own good.." She mumbled to herself. She wanted to stay in bed and cry all the frustration and confusion out. Oddly, she found that she couldn't cry anymore. She would just have to keep herself busy until she figured it out.