F*ck life and everything that follows after | BakuDeku | Depressed Deku

53

When Deku started waking up, his eyes fluttered open and when he saw me in the eyes, he shot up really fucking fast.

"KACCHAN!" He yelled and tried hugging my body. "You're awake! Why didn't you wake me up too?" He asked me.

I chuckled and replied to him as he stared into my eyes with his emerald green eyes. They were literally glowing.

"Because you need your sleep, you have to rest and you also look very adorable when you sleep, you know? I like watching your face. I adore you so much, that I could look at you for hours and days, I could never get tired of it. And I've also not seen you in a long time... I've missed you so fucking much," tears started filling my eyes with the last sentence.

I remembered that Deku wanted to kill himself only a few days ago and that thought tore me apart, if it worked he wouldn't be talking to me right now.

"Deku?"

"Yes Kacchan?"

"Why? Why did you wanna do it?" My voice broke and I could see how my boyfriend's expression got sad on an instant.

He got back up from my stomach and sat up in his wheelchair while looking down on his hands as he was playing with them.

"I-I don't know.. Everything was just too much for me, I have no purpose in life and I felt like nothing would even change if I died.. I mean. I am just someone, someone out of so many people in this world, what would change if I wasn't here anymore? Nothing. I would just suffer for nothing. So I thought that killing myself would be the best to make everything stop. I wouldn't have to suffer anymore and I wouldn't have to care about what comes next. It was hard for me to keep living.." he put his face in his hands.

I sat up and rolled him closer to me.

I took his hands and got them away from his face, he was crying.

"Hey, it's okay now, it's not your fault, okay? If I was there for you in the first place, nothing of this would have happened.. nothing," I kissed his hands. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize Kacchan, you didn't do anything wrong! You were the one who made me rethink everything actually. When you called me and told me all those things, all those things that I would miss in the future, it made me want to live. I want to experience all those things together with you! I want to live with you and smell the smell of our first house together, I want to see the ring you will give me when you want to marry me, I want to laugh with you late at night until my abs hurt, I want to see our future kids grow together with us, I want to get old with you. I want to be happy with you.." small sobs started coming out of his mouth. "I-I'm so sorry Kacchan, I was so stupid to think that I would make everything better," I got out of my bed, even though my head was killing me, I stood up and hugged my sobbing boyfriend.

"Let it out. Let everything out, now you are okay, you are here with me with a beating heart and we can make everything better, together," I kissed the top of his hair once when Deku started burying his head into my chest and wrapped his arms around my body.

"I'm so sorry," he cried into my shirt.

"Don't be, I love you," I whispered while rubbing his back slowly.

"I-I love y-you too," Deku tried to say with hiccups in between.

I chuckled and hugged my crying boyfriend a little bit tighter until he calmed down again.

After he was done, we broke apart from each other and I helped Deku up onto my bed. When I managed to do that, he somehow crawled to the place where I just sat.

"Sir, are you trying to steal my seat?" I asked him in a overdramatic voice.

"Yes, so that I can give you an even better one!"

He slightly split his legs and gestured me to lie down between his thighs.

I did exactly that and while I was looking up at the ceiling, Deku was playing with my hair.

His thighs were even softer than the pillow, which was good since my head didn't hurt that much now.

We sat there in silence, enjoying each others company to the fullest when Deku spoke up.

"Hey... uhm.. I have two questions actually," he said.

"Go on," I replied.

"The first one: What happened to the villains and uncle?"

I raised my eyebrows.

"Well... the villains and your uncle were captured by the police. I don't know where everyone is right now or what will happen, I just know that they won't return into the normal world for a long time," I told him.

"Oh.. okay.."

"And your second question?"

"Oh right! I wanted to ask why you hit your head? The nurse told me about it.."

I could feel how heat started flushing into my face. "That's actually a really fucking stupid reason.. Do I really have to tell you?" I asked.

"Of course you have to! You can't just hurt yourself and not tell me the reason for it! I have also told you things that I actually didn't want to tell you, so come on, tell me now! Tell me your secrets lover boy."

"*sigh* okay, I did it on purpose, like you said, because I wanted to stay with you. Otherwise I would've only been able to come here for visiting hours and that's far not enough!"

I could feel how Deku flicked my head two times. "You idiot! That's no reason for you to hurt yourself and get a concussion, you really are a bit stupid, huh?"

"It will heal, don't worry.. You also enjoy this, don't you? So don't be so mad. I just wanted to stay with you all the time and not only for a few hours a day. I will stay by your side from now on, where ever you go," Deku continued playing with my hair in silence. I knew that his face was probably really red right now.

"Deku.. if you feel the urge to tell me about anything that happened in the past days, just do so. You don't have to talk to me about it now, but I will be here for you whenever you need me."

"Thank you Kacchan," Deku replied and continued playing with my hair until we both fell asleep.