F*ck life and everything that follows after | BakuDeku | Depressed Deku

9

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Deku's POV:

I was lying in my bed and stared at the ceiling, processing what just happened. My heart was aching and a feeling came up that I couldn't really interpret.

What is this?

It feels like I'm craving something.. no.. I have to relieve something but what?

I couldn't figure out what it was, I just knew that there was something inside of me that I had to set free.

I sat on the side of my bed, glancing over at the bag filled with medicine that Kacchan just gave me. My body was still weak and after I just had an outburst of emotions I felt even weaker.

I took some pills and drank some juice or whatever that was and got up from my bed to get to my window.

My curtains were keeping the sun out of my room and I slightly slided one of them to the side.

The sun was now shining directly into my room and touched my skin. I didn't like how warm it felt but I just continued to stand in the sunlight.

The tears in my eyes were slowly drying and I opened the big window.

I immediately got greeted by a big gust of wind and it was making my already messy hair even more messy.

Compared to the sunlight I enjoyed the wind, it was somewhat cool and helped my face to cool down. I knew that I shouldn't be standing there like this since I was sick but I didn't care about it.

I enjoyed the wind playing with my hair and I looked down on the trees which where also moving around because of it.

Green leaves were flying around in the air and I just enjoyed watching the whole scenario.

I felt miserable about what just happened but tried my best to not think about it too much, instead I thought about what will happen the next day.

So I will stay here tomorrow, huh? Alone? Would be nice if I will be alone, I can maybe get up to the roof again and just enjoy the weather. It was supposed to be a lot cooler tomorrow.

I looked over at UA and fantasized about the coming day when I heard someone knocking against my door.

I opened it I saw Kirishima standing there with a slightly concerned expression on his face.

"Hey, what is it Kirishima?" I asked him. Before he could answer, we both heard extremely quiet and muffled screaming noises from Kacchan's room and I looked over at his door.

I felt bad for what I said to him earlier and looked back at the red haired boy in front of me.

"That's actually also why I'm here," he pointed with his thumb over his shoulder into Kacchan's direction and continued speaking. "I was actually coming up to get you both for lunch, Mina and I made some curry but when I got here I just heard Bakugou screaming around.. He sounds hurt. What happened?"

I let out a sigh and replied to him.
"It's nothing to worry about.. We just had an argument. It's because of me that he is like this right now," I glanced at Kacchan's door and was still able to hear muffled screams.

"Hey Midoriya?" Kirishima asked and I looked back at him.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to inform you about what happened after Kacchan came down in the morning," I raised my eyebrows and waited for him to continue. Kirishima placed one of his hands on his neck and started telling me about what happened earlier that day.

"He came down, completely silent, not looking at anyone and laid down on the couch. He started sobbing and Mina said something to him. I think it was something like 'Just tell him what you feel and show him that you care' and to that he just responded with 'I tried' and Mina told him that he should try once more. Of course I have no idea what they were talking about exactly but I have the feeling that you should know about it."

I looked down at my feet and started mumbling.

"This is my fault.. I didn't even let him finish his sentence, this is my fault," Kirishima couldn't hear what I said and asked me to repeat myself but I just turned around to go back into my room. I had tears in my eyes and didn't want him to see them.
"I won't eat today," I said and closed the door behind me.

I waited for the red haired boy to leave and after I heard his steps disappearing into the distance, I collapsed and held my head between my knees.

Loud sobs started escaping my mouth, I wasn't able to contol them the slightest bit

This is my fault, I broke him, I hurt him! I should be dead for something like this, how could I do this??

I slammed the back of my head against my door multiple times, it was hurting really bad but the feeling I had a while ago, the one I couldn't explain, started fading away.

It felt like I was revealing something that was bothering me and I just continued banging my head against the door behind me until my head started hurting so bad that I could barely bear with them.

Even though I was in incredible pain, I enjoyed the fact that the feeling I had was satisfied now.

I sat in front of my door, silent tears rolling down my cheeks and my head and heart aching.

"What have I done?" I asked myself out loud.

I hurt Kacchan, the only responsible thing I could've done was hurting myself as well. I never should have made him feel this way. I'm so stupid..

I felt guilty, I felt sad, I felt hurt I felt so many things and didn't know how to handle them.

The pain that was coming from my head started increasing so much, to the point where I started crying again.

"It hurts," I whispered with tears in my eyes.

I got up from the floor which felt almost impossible and opened my door. The screams from Kacchan's room have stopped and I got out into the hall, there were voices coming from downstairs, the others were probably sitting in the kitchen having lunch.

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A/N: I'm sorry for interrupting again but I wanted to inform you that the triggering stuff will actually start in chapter 13/14. I've already finished writing the 11th chapter and have to figure out how to properly continue my book lmao.

Don't get mad at me pls and sorry for making you wait so long (ー_ー゛)