F*ck life and everything that follows after | BakuDeku | Depressed Deku

16

And with that tears started shooting into Deku's emerald green eyes.

I was confused by his reaction but whatever happened, it was making Deku feel bad.

Normally I would just ignore him if I would be acting the same way I used to, but for some reason I felt responsible and had the urge to help the crying boy. It kind of hurt to see him like that.

I opened my arms and hugged Deku. He also wrapped his arms around my body and started sobbing into my shoulder, as if he was letting out everything that was bottled up in his body.

In order to not pressure him into telling me what happened, I just kept quiet for that moment and let him cry as long as he needed. I knew that he otherwise would just get overwhelmed with the situation and start crying again.

Ten minutes went by and we were both still standing there, hugging each other's bodies and I didn't make any noise.

When I was petting Deku's back slightly, he started to calm down, up until the point where he stopped crying and was just sniffing into my shoulder.

After another five minutes we broke apart and I looked him into his sad and broken eyes. For some reason I felt like I could sense the sadness he was feeling.

"I'm sorry," Deku whispered.

"Don't say sorry, it's alright. Want to have some breakfast? I can make scrambled eggs."

The green haired boy in front of me nodded and I ruffled his hair.
"Come on, let's go downstairs."

"Sure," Deku responded and followed me downstairs into the kitchen.

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Deku's POV:

Me and Kacchan were going downstairs into the kitchen as I was still letting out a sniff every now and then.

I sat down on the chair in which I was sitting the day before and watched Kacchan preparing breakfast for us.

The whole dorm was quiet, no Iida lecturing our classmates, no Mineta brabbling some weird stuff about the girls, no Kaminari watching TV with Kirishima, just nothing. Everyone was in school, attending class while I was sitting here waiting for Kacchan to make us some breakfast.

At first I enjoyed the silence since my mind was blank but then after a few minutes thoughts started filling my head.

Does he know?

Probably, he can't be that stupid, right?

Should I tell him?

Maybe.. maybe I should or maybe not.. damn it I have no clue.

I sighed and kept thinking about what I did in the evening before and felt really guilty. I felt guilty for enjoying the pain I caused myself and I felt guilty because Kacchan saw me crying.

Apparently I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice how Kacchan placed a plate in front of me and that he was talking to me until he touched my shoulder.

I blinked a few times and shook my head.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if you're okay. What are you thinking about?" Kacchan asked me and I turned my head to the side, where he was sitting now.

"Oh, yeah I'm fine, I just thought about... stuff.." I looked back down at my plate but didn't have an appetite.

"Don't say you're fine because we both know that that's not true. . . What stuff are you thinking about?"

I kept quiet for a long time since Kacchan allowed me to think about what I was willing to say to him and I sighed.

"Kacchan I-... the thing is-" I kept cutting myself off since I wasn't sure how to explain the situation to him.

"Don't worry Deku, take your time," he said.

I kept thinking about what I was about to say and finally found a way to express it in words.

"Okay so... I-I did something.. Something bad and... and I had to use the towel to hide or I think you can say manage what I did.." I felt anxious, my hand palms were covered in cold sweat and I felt my feet getting cold too.

Should I continue?..

I was quiet for several seconds until I was ready to speak again.

"It was something stupid but it was helping me somehow.. I'm sorry Kacchan, I promise you don't have to worry about it though."

He didn't waste any second and replied immediately to ask me a question.

"What did you do?"
He sounded a little bit angry but also concerned at the same time and to be honest I was kind of scared by that. I kept quiet.

"Deku. Tell. Me. What. You. Did!"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Alright. But promise to not get worried or angry or anything else," I opened my eyes again.

"I promise but I don't know if I can keep that promise," he said and waited impatiently for me to continue telling him what made me feel this bad.

"Alright.. I will show you, okay?" Kacchan nodded and I started rolling up my sleeve carefully, making sure that I wasn't moving too much, so that I wouldn't hurt myself.

When Kacchan saw the bandage which was leaking blood in a few places, his eyes widened and he gasped even though I still didn't reveal the cuts I've made.

"That explains the metal smell in your bathroom! You used the towel to wipe off blood.." he went quiet when I started unwrapping my forearm and his eyes grew wide.

"Deku- d-did.. did you do that?" He asked me and grabbed my arm, inspecting the dozens of cuts I've made.

I mumbled a 'Yes' and tears were slowly making their way into my eyes and then down my cheeks. Drops of water were falling down into my lap as Kacchan was looking at my arm closely.

"I'm so sorry-" my voice broke and the boy's head next to me shoot up. He carefully dropped my arm and lifted my head instead this time.

"Don't apologize Deku and also please don't cry," he looked at me with a sad expression and cupped my face so that he could wipe away my tears with his thumbs.

"Don't cry please, " he was whispering now.

I tried my best to bring out a small smile but I couldn't hold it for really long. My eyes were looking into the ruby red eyes in front of me which felt like they were exploring the deepest of my soul until I looked away.

Kacchan took my head and pulled it towards his chest. It was a bit uncomfortable to sit in that position but I enjoyed the contact and comfort I was receiving from him.

He was stroking the back of my head and after I calmed down, I got back up again and looked at the plate in front of me which still had the scrambled eggs on it.

"They are probably cold now, huh?" I said to lighten the mood at least a little bit.

"Yeah probably," Kacchan chuckled, grabbed my plate and put it into the microwave to heat it up.

"You better eat them when they are ready," he threatened me and I laughed a bit.

"Sure."