F*ck life and everything that follows after | BakuDeku | Depressed Deku

18

"I'll come in," he said and slowly pushed down the door handle.

I fucked up.

I was sitting besides the door on the right side of the room, I couldn't even get in front of it to block Kacchan from coming in.

The white door started opening, I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest any second because of how scared I was, I was so scared of what was going to happen and then Kacchan was standing in then middle of the room.

I was able to see him in the corner of my eye and when he turned his head towards me, he froze.

Just what in the world have I done, huh?

The 5'7 tall boy with blonde, spiky hair started moving again, but not towards me. He rushed out of the bathroom and started running around my dorm room like he was searching something.

"Damn it Deku, where is it?!" It sounded like he was crying, he sounded sad and concerned.

Is that actual concern that he feels for me? I asked myself.

Probably not, he's just scared of what is going to happen if I suddenly was dead. I mean I also wouldn't know what to do when someone would just die in front of me.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS IT???" Kacchan yelled, he was probably searching for the first aid kit.

When he came back running to me, my assumption was proved right. He was holding the first aid kit in his hands and almost broke it when he opened it forcefully.

I could tell that he was panicking, I felt terrible for making him act this way just because I did something stupid.

Before he did anything, he carefully grabbed my chin and pulled it towards his face, I felt his hand trembling.

"Deku," his eyes were filled with tears, his cheeks were flooded in them and his voice was shaky, "I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you, don't ever do this again."

My mouth opened and I said something I didn't even think about "Are you mad at me?"

Kacchan's eyes widened and he fully sat down on his knees. He cupped my face and started talking.

"How could I ever be mad at you?"

"You always were," I said quietly and freed my face from his grip, now looking back at my arm which looked like it wasn't even skin colored anymore. It was flooded with the color red.

"Izuku... I am so sorry, I know I am an asshole, I know how bad I treated you all these years and oh my fucking god, you can believe me when I say that I feel extremely guilty because of it. Every single second that I live. I know I will never be able to erase those awful memories out of your head, I know I will never be able to fully make things okay again but I swear, I'm trying my best to make it at least a bit right again, okay? I'm really trying.. And like I said, I'm not mad at you, how on earth could I ever be mad at you for hurting yourself? I'm mad at my own guts because I couldn't help you, god damnit!"

"I'm sorry for making you feel this way Kacchan.. I really am."

"Don't dare saying you're sorry! It's me who should be sorry, not you!"

I kept quiet, the tears in my eyes have stopped forming and my emotions just kind of turned off. I didn't want to say anything or think a single thought.

Kacchan was slightly sobbing, he grabbed some toilet paper and took my hand. Carefully he dabbed off the blood, trying to not cause me any pain. I continued sitting there on the floor, not thinking about anything and just listened to the boy next to me letting out quiet sobs.

When he was done with getting the blood off my arm, he put the toilet paper into the trash can and took out a small cotton pad which he drenched in rubbing alcohol that was coming out of a small bottle. Every first aid kit in our dorms contained one of those.

"This might hurt a little, so be prepared.." he started cleaning my cuts, it stung but I didn't show any reaction, it was bearable.

When he finished cleaning, he took a bandage and started wrapping it around my arm, also covering the scar that burnt into my skin only a few days ago.

Kacchan finished treating my arm and moved himself in front of me.

Again he lifted my chin and I met his eyes, they were red from crying and filled with a lot of sadness and guilt. I could feel and see it.

"Izuku.. Please never do this again.. I know I probably won't be able to stop you but at least talk to me, okay? Talk to me about your problems and I will help you figure it out. I promise," he waited for me to respond but I just continued to stare into his eyes.

"Also please don't look at me with those cold eyes, when I look at them, it feels like you're dead. I don't want you to die Deku.."

'I don't want you to die' those words kept roaring through my head.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Okay."

Kacchan got up and dragged my body up with him. He picked me up so that his hands were under my butt and my arms around his neck.

His body was warm and for the first time in life I enjoyed the warmth that was touching my skin. Comfort and a little spark of happiness filled my chest.

I tightened my arms around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder as Kacchan was walking out of the bathroom and towards my bed. I was still shirtless but didn't care about it.

When Kacchan reached the bed, he laid down with me and started stroking my back while he was still sniffing a little.

"Kacchan?"

He hummed.

"Can you please take off your shirt? I like your warmth."

He sat up with me and I detangled my arms around him so that he could take off his black shirt. While I was sitting in his lap, I watched him undressing his upper body and stared at his muscles.

He really looks good.

With that Kacchan pulled my body towards his again so that our bare skin was touching.

The warmth coming from his body was wandering through every inch of my body and it was like a lullaby to me combined with Kacchan's hands rubbing my back slowly up and down.

After the whole scenario that just happened, I felt really tired and exhausted. Sleep was tugging on me and I gave it permission to drag me into a peaceful darkness filled with recration.