You Idiot | Bakudeku/Suicidal Deku

43 - I am here

Deku POV

"Mom." I said awkwardly, unsure of what to do. I sat on the bed fiddling with my fingers and glancing nervously around the room. "What exactly did you want to talk to me about?"

The sun was bright through the blinds, only enhancing the embarrassment on my cheeks. I scratched the back of my neck and ruffled my hair slightly to keep from worrying so much.

There was an edge to her smile, nearing on a smirk as she moved to sit on the bed next to me. She tapped her lip thoughtfully for a couple seconds before speaking.

"I want to ask you about something later, but first, the thing I came here for." She ran a hand through her hair. Her emerald eyes were still locked on the door.

"What is it?"

"Um...I know you're probably wondering why All Might hasn't come to visit yet, and why you've been in the hospital for so long."

"Oh..."

I had to admit, I hadn't pondered too hard about all of that. All Might hadn't exactly crossed my mind what with dealing with Kacchan and Kirishima in the past two days. I began to wonder what he would have to say about all of this, and what his reaction to me would be.

Would he be disappointed? Would he be sad? Would he think I wasn't worthy of One for All?

"You can be discharged tomorrow, you'll be getting your stitches taken out, so after that you can go back to living normally."

My eyes widened. I'd been so in my little bubble that I hadn't considered the time it would take to get used to going back to school. I'd been out for nearly three weeks.

Training, classes, my ambitions to become a pro hero, I couldn't let them slip my mind. I needed to remember the whole reason I was in UA.

But, if I had tried to kill myself, how serious was I? If I had succeeded those dreams would have flown out the window, and it would be in the news, wouldn't it?

"Young aspiring hero commits suicide, are the rumors of UA applying unimaginable pressure true?" Or some shit like that. They would either find a way to make it as tragic as possible for media attention, or they would find a way to blame someone.

Of course, it's far more likely that no one would care. It would be passed off as just another depressed teen committing suicide.

They would all dress in black and attend my funeral, my mother sobbing and being comforted by Kacchan's mom. Kacchan would probably be silent the whole time.

I didn't have enough time to accurately judge how he would respond to my death, counting in our confusing relationship and kissing.

I needed to stop worrying about that though, and concern myself with recovering and returning to UA.

"That's great! I can't wait to go back to training." It was half true. I wanted to be with Kacchan. Mostly.

"Izu, you won't go back into training right away. I...didn't want to ask straight up, but we need to talk about it." She tilted her head. "What drove you to this? Was it the pressure of training and being in UA? Was it aftermath of the bullying you went through in middle school? Or was it something else that I didn't know about?"

As she was my mom, it made sense of course that she would want to know, and have a right to.

"It was..." I sighed. "The bullying in middle school was a big part, I'll admit. But, the actual act, it was based on impulse."

I swallowed hard.

"I was caught cutting by Kacchan, and he threatened to tell the adults. I was alright up until...he caught me again, and I panicked. I know it was stupid, to do that out of fear, but you gotta hear me out.