You Idiot | Bakudeku/Suicidal Deku

5 - Last resort

Deku POV

My breath came in short quick gasps, speeding up as I dropped onto my knees. I clamped one hand over my mouth to keep quiet. If Kacchan heard me then he was going to check on me, and if he checked on me he wouldn't leave me alone, and I needed to be alone...I needed to get away from him, fast. This was only going to lead to something bad.

I slowly rose to my feet, squeezing a handful of my shirt in one hand over my heart. I was frozen in place for what felt like forever, until Kacchan hit the door hard, and I jumped a little.

"Oi! You only have so much time, if I were you I'd do whatever you want to do before I bust the damn door down." he barked.

I slowed my breath enough to speak, despite the fact it made my head feel like it was about to explode. "I'm just looking for my clothes, I'll...I'll come out in a bit! Don't pester me!"

"Yeah, well I'm not going to give you tons of extra time, only to break the door down and find you slumped over on the bathroom floor with your wrists slit." he growled fiercely, and I squeezed my arms a little.

"Deku?!" he yelled when I didn't answer. "Answer me, or I'm coming in!"

I opened my mouth. I'm sorry, that just kind of matches the dreams I used to have back in middle school, and reminds me of every time I've cut, sort of a trigger, really. But thanks for that visual, now I kind of want to.

And I couldn't say those words, because I couldn't move my damn lips.

"I-I-I'm o-ok...ok." I stammered finally, biting down on my tongue until I winced.

He was silent. I guess...I couldn't change with him there in the room with me, that would...um...

"Ngh..." I mumbled, turning red.

I walked quickly to my dresser and tore my uniform out, throwing it onto the bed. My eyes went to the small box on my dresser, and I had that same urge that I had this morning. You know that feeling you have when you go to the fridge, and there's nothing good to eat, so you close the door, and then a few minutes later you go back in the hopes that something will have magically appeared there.

I picked up the box and glanced inside it again.

It was a gift from my mom, to hold the many All Might key chains I had. Yes, I had so many that she bought me a box to keep them in. I don't have them anymore. I was hanging out by a park on patrol, when I saw a little kid begging his mom to buy him an All Might sweater. His mom was trying to take a phone call, and she brushed it off, ignoring him.

The little kid ran after his mom, but she told him to stay put as she walked off, still talking on the phone. It was a calm day, so I decided to stay and keep an eye on the kid. The mom kept chatting on, completely ignoring the little kid. But...aw, the little kid was so cute, and wanted All Might merch so bad.

Finally I walked over to him, and asked him which one he wanted. He reminded me of myself when I was a kid, with his big smile and the obsession over All Might stuff. He pointed eagerly at a hoodie with the same pattern as All Might's suit, and I nodded at him.

I went inside and bought him the hoodie with some money I had to buy lunch. He absolutely loved it, and thanked me before his mom dragged him away. She didn't even acknowledge me.

A few days later I was spending a few hours at a park with Ochako, I had a backpack filled with stuff, including that box filled with All Might key chains for some reason. I don't remember why it was in my bag, but it was.

Me and Ochako were sitting on a bench overlooking the playground filled with kids. At one point, one of them ran up to me. It was the kid from earlier, and some of his friends. He was wearing the All Might hoodie, and his eyes lit up as soon as he saw me.

"Hey, it's you!" he chirped.

I smiled a little shyly at him. "Yeah. How are you liking the hoodie?"

He pulled the hood over his head and giggled. "It's so cozy, thanks so much!"

"No problem." I scratched the back of my neck. Ochako didn't ask any questions, but just smiled at the kid as well.

A few of his friends ran over, and the kid pointed to me eagerly. "This hero-guy got me All Might stuff a few days ago!"

The other kids became excited and began asking me if I could get them stuff too. It was a really awkward situation, y'know? I stared at them for a while, before pulling the box out of my bag. "Um...I have these key chains and stuff, you guys might like them."

They did like them, of course, and each of them got two or three. The only thing left in the box by the end was one that was broken, and had a sharp metal edge on one side. The kids thanked me before running off to their parents. I loved seeing their little faces light up with joy, but that happy memory came with a downside.

You could guess what it is, and what I did with the broken key chain.

I shook the box over my hand. Nothing came out, of course, but a flash of silver caught my eye. I shook it once really hard, and a razor blade fell out of one of the corners where it was hidden and landed on the floor. At the same time there was the small clink of the metal hitting the wood, the door swung open and Kacchan stepped inside, looking pissed off.

"You done yet?" he growled, his eyes flickering to the box in my hand.

I stepping on the razor blade quickly, sliding it towards me and putting the box back on the dresser. "Um, no, I need a minute."

He raised an eyebrow. "Whatever. You have thirty seconds." He closed the door behind him.

I reached down and grabbed the thin blade with one hand, sliding it behind the box so it was hidden from sight. I then struggled to put on my uniform quickly, and put the blade in my front pocket. There was a good chance he would check my room to make sure I didn't have anything sharp, but I figured I could find a better hiding place for it later.

He strode back inside as I struggled to button up my shirt. "Deku, ah-"

I jumped a little, falling backwards onto my bed, still barely wearing a shirt. I hit my head against the dresser trying to upright myself, so I decided to just stay resting on my elbows.

His face turned red with embarrassment as he took in the full view of me. I sheepishly tried to pull the two sides of my shirt together as he averted his gaze. Again, he pulled the door shut quickly, stepping out of the room.

I left my shirt open, sitting back up. The blade in my pocket poked my leg a little. I didn't have a specific plan for using it, but at least I had an easy way out. I need to stop saying things like that.

Suddenly there was yelling, and I could hear an explosion from the hallway.

Damn it, Kacchan...

(So I gave up on getting the other part back. I just rewrote it. :P I'm gonna try to make part 6 tomorrow but I might not finish it in time. Anyway, thx my dudes. :D)