You Idiot | Bakudeku/Suicidal Deku

38 - Flashback

Deku POV (TW Mentions of self harm, suicide, and domestic abuse)

He stared at me in fear, I smiled slightly and tightened my hands into fists.

I let my eyes travel down to his wrists. They were fully exposed and I could see about six red lines running across them.

"I'm not sure what you hope to gain from this, if you wanted me to feel sad for you, take some pity on you after being a fucking idiot, you should rethink that.

"First of all, it's been one fucking day since I've escaped from being stuck in a stupid coma, and I'm not even close to recovering from a fucking SUICIDE ATTEMPT!"

I was shaking and breathing heavily.

"Second, don't think that you can show me something like that, that you can put that on me and expect me not to freak out. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE SEEN THOSE? IT'S NOT NEW, AND YOU'RE A BITCH IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA TRY AND PUT THAT ON ME!"

I took a moment to catch my breath. He was trembling and looked like he wanted to cry.

"STOP. Ok? Just stop." My voice cracked a little.

"Why the hell do you think you have any justification to come and bother me for this? What gave you the idea that I'll inflict sympathy on you because you're sad?

"You obviously cut because you feel guilty about being a fucking idiot, and you want to make yourself feel better. Right? I've done it too. But that was because I was upset about my life, I was being hurt every day, I was choking on my fear and emotions every day of my life, fearing for my safety while still training my ass off!

"I would normally give you sympathy and try to help you, but you're just doing this for attention. You want me to get upset and tell you that it's alright, that you don't need to be sad.

"Well, guess what?"

He had rolled up his sleeves and was staring in horror at my disgruntled expression.

"You fucked up, plain and simple. It was your choice to get drunk. It was your choice to let the alcohol take over. You were the one who kissed him, you were the one who decided to cut yourself because you felt guilty.

"Kirishima I swear if I ever see you with cuts on your wrist again I will tell Bakugo, and Mr. Aizawa."

I still had a heart. I felt bad that he felt the need to cut. But I was always the pushover, I was always the sweet one, the weak one. I needed a moment of strength.

"Worst of all, I know that you knew me and Bakugo's history. I heard you in the hallway, the way your voice gained an undertone of excitement, and you comforted him happily. Either way, you should have obviously seen Bakugo next to me as I was comatose and pieced it together. It still doesn't give you the right to kiss him without his permission." I growled.

Kirishima snarled.

"Bakugo said that he regretted kissing you, you heard that too right?" He snapped.

I was shaking, staring at him in disbelief.

"He said that the kiss meant nothing, so yeah, I didn't exactly think that you two were all happy and together, did I? Yes it's my fault I got drunk, but the alcohol did the rest, that part ISN'T MY FAULT!"

Thr anger that I already had rose rabidly to my chest and I burst out again.

"OH, SO WOULD YOU SAY THAT A FATHER WHO GETS DRUNK AND HITS HIS CHILD IS JUST "BEING CONTROLLED BY THE ALCOHOL" BECAUSE IF YOU DID, I COULD DEFINITELY FORGIVE MY FATHER!"

I slapped my hand over my mouth.

Shit.

He didn't care, he just glared at me.

"There you go again, doing what you're good at; telling all your sob stories at once to force someone to feel bad and relinquish whatever power they have over you. All for just fucking attention."

I still had my hand over my mouth, but my breathing sped up more and more until I was hyperventilating, holding onto the side of the bed for dear life.

Kirishima was standing uncomfortably, half staring at me having a panic attack and looking like he wanted to leave.

It had been an accident to let the words slip out, and deja vu overtook me.

His disappointed expression, the ringing after his hand struck my face. His familiar green eyes which were always such a disappointing sight to see, because it was like a mirror. The way he yelled at me, and swatted at me over and over again.

No, no, no no no no...

I finally escaped his shadow, I finally restrained the flashbacks...

I thought I could handle hearing those words.

"Now because of what I said you're freaking out? Are you actually so weak that you can't fucking take a few words of criticism?"

I was about to try to say something past my desperate breaths, but the door burst open as I began crying.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, GET THE HELL OUT OF HIS ROOM!"

Izu baby is scawy when he's angy.

But whoever came in can be pretty close.

Comment and stuff!

Also sorry about any spelling mistakes, I don't have an editor or anything, I write these from my room with my headphones on at 3am.

Hope you enjoy!